This is part 4 in the series How to double your productivity.

Here’s a couple of thoughts and questions I have found to be quite effective when trying to determine the potential value of an activity, task or action.

Using them can enable you to reach more clarity in your decision-making and to set the priorities in your life straight.

Check the future impact

This small tip takes the focus away from short-sightedness. Before you do something, simply to ask yourself:

What would be the future impact in my life if I did this?

Note both the negative and the positive consequences of your potential choices. This can save you many hours of doing pointless things that leads nowhere. The things you do find holding positive possibilities for you are the ones to pour energy and time into.

See it from the future. And then even further out.

Here you’re using the perspective of time once again to see the potential impact of your choices.

When you think about a larger decision (or perhaps not such a large one), close your eyes. Then visualize yourself and your life 5 years from now. First, imagine that you didn’t make that decision. Ask yourself this:

What have I missed out on by not making that decision or taking that action 5 years ago? What are the feelings, the people, the experiences, the results I have missed out on?

And really try to visualize and feel it.

Then, with your eyes still closed, imagine this:

You made that decision or started that activity 5 years ago. Ask yourself:

What did it bring me?

What were the feeling, experiences, results and people has it brought into my life these past 5 years?

How much has my life changed by me doing what I did?

Then, if you wish, try imagining yourself 10 years from now. Ask yourself the same questions again. Gauge the extent of the positive and negative consequences. By putting things in a longer time-perspective it can become easier to find what’s really important to you.

If I knew then what I know now.

I first heard about this one from Steve Pavlina and it concerns the now rather than the future. It checks the course you are already on and the choice you have already made to see if it’s something you still want to do. If it’s something that aligns with the person you are today.

Ask yourself:

Knowing what I know now, would I ever have gotten started with this project, career etc. if I had to do it all over again?

If the answer is no, perhaps you should stop whatever you are doing. You don’t have to stick with things until the bitter end and always finish what you’ve started. If what you’re doing no longer gives you the results you want, then maybe it’s time to try and find something better for yourself.

In the next few days, part 5: on finding and working from your values.

This is part 3 in the series How to double your productivity.

Here’s a thing I wish they taught us in school. Or maybe they did and I wasn’t listening.

In 1906 the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto observed that 80% of the income in Italy was received by 20% of the people.

This was later developed into the Pareto Principle (also known as the 80-20 rule and the law of the vital few) by quality management guru Jospeh M. Juran. It goes something like this:

In many cases and for many phenomena 20% of the causes accounts for 80% of the consequences.

This means that 80% of the causes only accounts for 20% of the consequences.

So, focus your time and energy on those important 20% of tasks and activities that will give you 80% of the results.

Identifying those 20% is often not that hard. If you write a list of ten things you have to do today or right now and order them, from top to bottom, in order of importance then the first one or two things at the top of the list will most likely account for 80% of the value in your life. It’s worth the time to take a few minutes and try to figure out which of all the things you feel you have to do that are the really crucial ones.

Today, for me, such a thing is to study for tests in school next week. Some other things I also have to do are to go food-shopping, do the dishes and get some new light-bulbs. Getting the first thing done will obviously have much higher value and consequences to me than the other three.

I’ve also used the principle in another way in school. Since, in some courses, lectures don’t provide much value to me I have skipped a lot of them. I found that I could both learn and get the grade I wanted more effectively by focusing on reading the books for the course. It was more effective for me. For others it might be more effective to keep the main-focus on the lectures and less on the books.

When writing an article for a paper or a blog, the first 20% of the text will often account for 80% of the number of readers. Meaning: focus a lot of time and effort on the headline and possibly the first 2-3 sentences. For headline-tips, I suggest reading the excellent copyblogger.com.

To have a successful blog (repeated over and over again in numerous “How to build a better blog”-lists everywhere), the important 20% seems to be to fill your blog with useful and valuable content. In the end, that’s what your readers want and what will make them come back over and over again to your website.

I find that keeping the Pareto Principle in mind during the day keeps my mind on what is most important thing I could do right now. It keeps the mind on track and your own priorities from getting screwed up by all kind of things, thoughts and people.

It brings a kind of clarity into your life, since it keeps you focused on the important things and alleviates the stress of feeling that “you have to do” many of the less important things. It frees you from rules such as “I have to attend every lecture” and lets you make your own rules. It makes life easier and often gets you where you want to go faster and smoother.

Before you do something, ask yourself: does this belong to the 20% group?

A problem when trying to use this principle is that the crucial 20% is often things we procrastinate about. It might because sometimes it’s hard work. And these few activities can have a big effect on our lives and change can be uncomfortable. You could have a look at 7 ways to move beyond procrastination to get started.

The most effective thing though might just be to see the results of focusing on those few important tasks and activities. When you start to see some real, positive feedback it can really make a difference in the way you feel and think.

Finally: think of the Pareto Principle as a rule of thumb. It’s not an exact measurement. In some case it might be a 90-10 ratio instead of 80-20. In some cases it might be less.

Now, in what ways can you use the Pareto Principle? And what 20% of your life brings you 80% of the value?

In the next few days, in part 4: Some additional ways to tell if what you’re doing is really the best thing to do.

This is part one in the series How to double your personal productivity.

One simple way to get an increased sense of well-being is to declutter your life. What declutter means is just to remove all those things that you don’t really need.

Since clutter and procrastination is closely tied together I’ve started using the Make a small deal with yourself-technique:

Promise yourself that you’ll work on something for just 5 minutes. After those 5 minutes you can do something else if you want to. But make a note on your schedule when you will come back to the task and work another 5 minutes with it. Not matter how unpleasant a task may be, you can often talk yourself into working 5 minutes on it.

And the thing is, you often don’t have to schedule another 5 minutes that day. Decluttering often takes just 5-15 minutes. And when you have done your first 5 minutes you’ll most likely feel that you should just get it all done. The important thing is to get going. Often it starts to feel good going through all that old junk and cleaning it out. If not, then break it down into 5 minute parts.

If there is a lot of clutter everywhere don’t get overwhelmed and fall into procrastination-mode. Do 5 minutes in one room a day. Or start by doing one small task a day. Declutter your old receipts or your old magazines. Do it every day and pretty soon it’s all decluttered.

I’ve found it helpful to put all the stuff you want to get rid of on the floor in the middle of the room. I put it all in piles and start going through it. The messiness of it all makes it easier. You just want to get rid of that annoying pile.

Get a couple of boxes or bags. Put the things you want to save in one of them, the stuff you want to sell/give in another and get a trashcan for the junk.

Use your trashcan liberally. If you’re unsure if you should throw something away, think about how much you have used it in the past. Then think about how much use you’ll have from it in the future. Then you’ll probably want to throw it away.

Declutter your workspace

I find it very satisfying to remove old coffee-cups from my desk, sort my stuff and throw out what I don’t need. A decluttered and ordered workspace brings clarity and order to the mind. Avoid putting post-its all over your screen and desk. Use a program that collects all those thoughts and reminders. I use My Life Organized.

Using 5 minutes a day to keep your workspace clutterfree not only makes you happier and more efficient. According to a series of interviews that Brian Tracy cites 50 out of 52 managers would not promote a person with a messy desk. Even if the person was doing a good job. They couldn’t trust a position of responsibility to someone who couldn’t keep himself organized. Take a look at you workspace and see what it might reflect about you as a person.

You might want to look into the Getting Things Done-system (often refered to as GTD). It will keep you better organized and reduce the clutter in both your physical workspace and your inbox. The book you want to get is called Getting Things Done and is written by David Allen.

Declutter your home

One way to have a more clutterfree home is to bring less stuff into the house. If you buy a lot of things on impulse and then just use it one time you might want to reconsider that habit. Pause and think before you put something in your shopping-cart.

Don’t bring junk-mail into your home. I’ve started to move that kind of mail directly from the mailbox to the nearest garbage can.

Give away all the stuff you don’t need. Or to take a couple of minutes to check Ebay. Whatever things you’ve collected throughout the years could actually be something people are willing to pay a surprising amount of money for. Got old furniture no one uses? Put an ad in the paper for it.

Take 5 minutes to do the dishes, take 5 minutes to fold the laundry and put it where it’s supposed to be. Don’t let these things pile up. Getting those small tasks done will bring you a sense of relief.

Use boxes to store magazines, toys and other random things that otherwise just lies around. If you have a system with written or mental labels then it will be easier to keep things organized and in their right place.

Declutter your computer and online habits

Declutter your RSS-feed. Just keep the ones that really gives you value. Remove the rest.

Declutter your bookmarks. Go through it and remove bookmarks you never use. Organize the rest into categories. It will make it a lot easier to find what you are looking for.

Remove bookmarks that you click impulsively but really doesn’t provide much value. These can be real time-hogs and easily break your concentration countless times each day.

Shut of your Instant Messengers to avoid interruptions.

Don’t put of answering emails for days or you might forget them. Clean out the ones you don’t need.

Defragment your computer, remove the programs you never use, use a program to remove spyware. And clean up your desktop, delete what you don’t need and organize what you need in folders.

Declutter your life

TiVO your favourite TV-shows and fast-forward through the commercials. Limit the number of shows you watch and only watch the ones you’ve decided on in advance. Cancel subscriptions of magazines that you never get around to reading anyway.

Always carry a pen and paper. Write down every important thought. Getting it out of your head not only frees your mind to think about more important things. It also reassures you that none of those excellent ideas and must-dos are forgotten.

Time is one of your most valuable resources. Don’t do something or keep something just out of old habit. What value does this thing or habit hold for you today? What would the impact in the future be if you did it/kept it? If the habit or thing doesn’t hold much value or won’t have an important effect on your future then consider removing it from your life. And fill that space and time in your life with something better.

Learn to say no. If you constantly say yes you’ll be out of spare time before you know it. Much of your time will be spent doing things for others that you may not really want to do. And stress and unhappiness will ensue. Think about a suggestion and before you say yes ask yourself; do I really want to do this? What is the value in doing this? Do I really have the time to do it? Sometimes you have to do it anyway, but not always. You might want to be kind and helpful to people. But being overstressed and eventually burning out will not help you or anyone else.

Ask for help. See what advice your friends and co-workers have to give. If you know or meet someone who keeps their workspace, home or other part of their life clutterfree ask how they do it. Try their advice and see if it works for you too.

Making decluttering a, for the most of the time, small but significant habit doesn’t just increase your productivity.

A couple of minutes a day let’s you rediscover those pieces of interesting stuff you forgot in the piles of junk. It can make you money. It allows you experience the joy of giving and others the joy of receiving. It helps you shed layers of confusion.

And as your outer world influences your inner world your mind becomes calm and clear.

Check back tomorrow for the next part on How to double your personal productivity.

Can you improve your conversation skills?

Certainly.

It might take a while to change the conversation habits that’s been ingrained throughout your life, but it is very possible.

To not make this article longer than necessary let’s just skip right to some common mistakes many of us have made in conversations and a couple of solutions. 

And if you want more in-depth training then join us in my 12-week, step-by-step Smart Social Skills Course where I share the very best things I have learned in the past 8 years about improving social skills and relationship habits.

1. Not listening.

Ernest Hemingway once said:

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Don’t be like most people. Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. Put your own ego on hold.

Stop being lazy in a conversation and learn to really listen to what people actually are saying. When you start to really listen, you’ll pick up on loads of potential paths in the conversation.

But avoid yes or no type of questions as they will not give you much information.

If someone mentions that they went fishing with a couple of friends last weekend you can for instance ask:

• Where did you go fishing?
• What do you like most about fishing?
• What did you do there besides fishing?

The person will delve deeper into the subject giving you more information to work with and more paths for you choose from.

If they say something like: “Oh, I don’t know” at first, don’t give up.

Prod a little further. Ask again.

They do know, they just have to think about a bit more. And as they start to open up the conversation becomes more interesting because it’s not on auto-pilot anymore.

2. Asking too many questions.

If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don’t have that much too contribute.

One alternative is to mix questions with statements.

Continuing the conversation above you could skip the question and say:

“Yeah, it’s great to just get out with your friends and relax over the weekend. We like to take a six-pack out to the park and play some Frisbee golf.”

Or you can say:

“Nice. We went out in my friend’s boat last month and I tried these new lures from Sakamura. The blue ones were really great.”

And then the conversation can flow on from there. And you can discuss Frisbee golf, the advantages/disadvantages of different lures or your favourite beer.

3. Tightening up.

When in conversation with someone you just meet or when the usual few topics are exhausted an awkward silence or mood might appear. Or you might just become nervous or worried not knowing exactly why.

Here’s three things you can do in such a situation:

Be on top of what’s happening out there.

Leil Lowndes once said: “Never leave home without reading the newspaper”. If you’re running out of things to say, you can always start talking about the current news.

It’s also good to stay updated on current water cooler-topics. Like what happened on the latest episode of Lost.

Use your surroundings.

Comment on the aquarium at the party, or that one girl’s cool Halloween-costume or the host’s mp3-playlist. You can always start new conversations about something in your surroundings.

Assume rapport.

If you feel nervous or weird when meeting someone for the first time assume rapport.

What that means is that you imagine how you feel when you meet one of your best friends. And pretend that this new acquaintance is one of your best friends.

Don’t overdo it though, you might not want to hug and kiss right away. But if you imagine this you’ll go into a positive emotional state.

And you’ll greet and start talking to this new person with a smile and a friendly and relaxed attitude.

Because that’s how you talk to your friends. It might sound a bit loopy or too simple.

But it really works.

4. Poor delivery.

One of the most important things in a conversation is not what you say, but how you say it.

A change in these habits can make a big difference since your voice and body language is a vital part of communication. Some things to think about:

• Slowing down. When you get excited about something it’s easy to start talking faster and faster. Try and slow down. It will make it much easier for people to listen and for you actually get what you are saying across to them.
• Speaking up. Don’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need to for people to hear you.
• Speaking clearly. Don’t mumble.
• Speak with emotion. No one listens for that long if you speak with a monotone voice. Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.
• Using pauses. Slowing down your talking plus adding a small pause between thoughts or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation.
• Learn a bit about improving your body language as it can make your delivery a lot more effective. Read about laughter, posture and how to hold your drink in 18 ways to improve your body language.

5. Hogging the spot-light.

I’ve been guilty of this one on more occasions than I wish to remember. :)

Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight. Don’t interrupt someone when they are telling some anecdote or their view on what you are discussing to divert the attention back to yourself.

Don’t hijack their story about skiing before it’s finished to share your best skiing-anecdote. Find a balance between listening and talking.

6. Having to be right.

Avoid arguing and having to being right about every topic. Often a conversation is not really a discussion.

It’s a more of a way to keep a good mood going. No one will be that impressed if you “win” every conversation.

Instead just sit back, relax and help keep the good feelings going.

7. Talking about a weird or negative topic.

If you’re at a party or somewhere where you are just getting to know some people you might want to avoid some topics.

Talking about your bad health or relationships, your crappy job or boss, serial killers, technical lingo that only you and some other guy understands or anything that sucks the positive energy out of the conversation are topics to steer clear from.

You might also want to save religion, money and politics for conversations with your friends.

8. Being boring.

Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people.

Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam.

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life. And to focus on the positive stuff.

Don’t start to whine about your boss or your job, people don’t want to hear that.

Instead, talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny anecdote that happened while you were buying clothes, your plans for New Year’s Eve, your new blog or podcast project or something funny or exciting.

Another way is just to be genuinely interested.

As Dale Carnegie said:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one.”

Knowing a little about many things or at least being open to talk about them instead of trying to steer the conversation back to your favorite subject is a nice quality.

Meaning: talking for what seems like hours about one topic.

Topics may include work, favorite rock-band, TV-show and more work.

Opening up a bit and not clinging desperately to one topic will make the conversation feel more relaxed and open. You will come across like a person who can talk about many things with ease.

As you’ve probably experienced with other people; this quality is something you appreciate in a conversation and makes you feel like you can connect to that person easily.

9. Not reciprocating.

Open up and say what you think, share how you feel.

If someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. Don’t just stand there nodding and answer with short sentences.

If someone is investing in the conversation they’d like you to invest too. Like in so many areas in life, you can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move.

When needed, be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation. One way is by replacing some questions with statements.

It makes you less passive and makes take a sort of stand.

10. Not contributing much.

You might feel that you don’t have much to contribute to a conversation. But try anyway.

Really listen and be interested in what the others are saying. Ask questions. Make relating statements.

Open your eyes too. Develop your observational skills to pick up interesting stuff in your surroundings to talk about.

Develop your personal knowledge-bank by expanding your view of interesting things in the world. Read the newspapers and keep an eye on new water cooler-topics.

Work on your body language, how you talk and try assuming rapport to improve your communication skills.

But take it easy. Don’t do it all at once. You’ll just feel confused and overwhelmed and start to doubt yourself.

Instead, pick out the three most important things that you feel needs improving. Work on them every day for 3-4 weeks. Notice the difference and keep at it.

Soon your new habits will start to pop up spontaneously when you are in a conversation.

There is no specific advice on how to use your body language.

What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in.

These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.

You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too.

If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviors and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s OK.

And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs.

You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare.

If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening.

Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space.

Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders. 

When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking.

Nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight.

But in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much.

If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit.

But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh.

Lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person.

But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face.

It might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep your head up.

Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit.

This goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed.

If someone addresses you, don’t snap your neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget.

And try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem worried or nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across.

Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently.

Instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make.

But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink.

Don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realize where you spine ends.

Many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose.

Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close.

One of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror.

Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit.

To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same.

But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue. :)

18. Keep a good attitude.

Last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet.

And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it.

If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

Want more inspiration for a positive and helpful attitude in your day to day life? Then have a look at this post with Monday blessings and this one with many Thursday blessings to keep your focus on the bright side of life.