“For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside
That it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive.”
– Badlands

A couple of days ago you could pick up Magic, the new album from Bruce Springsteen in your local record store.

I haven’t listened to Bruce that much these last few years, but I used to be really into his music.

I even saw him when he played in Gothenburg in 2003. It was pretty awesome.

In retrospect I think that some of the things that attracted me to Springsteen are the same things that got me interested in personal development. While a lot of the other music that I listened to at the time was kinda negative and whiny Bruce radiated positive energy and thoughts. It wasn’t depressing but it was also not optimistic in a cheesy way.

There was an incredible enthusiasm in the music and often a thought about how there is something more to life than just sitting around or trapping yourself in a boring and depressing rut.

And while sitting here, looking back and listening to the wonderful “Your own worst enemy” on repeat I thought about a few of the things I’ve learned from Bruce Springsteen.

1. Practise, practise, practise.

It’s tempting to believe that talent is just about everything. But of course we mostly just get to see really successful people at their big, crowning moments.

We don’t get a feel for, or seldom even a picture of or text about, all the time and energy they have put into creating and practising and refining a song in some dingy basement. Or the hours and years that have been spent hunched over a keyboard or a golf club.

Now I’m not saying that talent doesn’t play a part. But when I think about what I’ve read in biographies about Springsteen I’m reminded about how anyone who is really good at anything didn’t get there without lots and lots of work. Probably more work than some of the people that didn’t get so far. So maybe it isn’t always the talent that decides who is going to be really successful and who is not?

2. Give it all you got.

It’s really fun to see how much someone can give. Seeing someone just giving it all over and over, seeing how energetic and creative they can be, for so many years is really quite inspiring. Seeing Bruce Springsteen on stage is a good reminder that most of us probably have a whole lot more to give, a whole lot more potential hidden somewhere within.

…Even if you only have few fans.

It’s a bit easier to give it what you got when everyone is cheering you on. But you may not get the great response you’d like immediately.

I remember an anecdote from one of the biographies about Bruce when he and the E-Street Band is out on tour in the late 1970’s. In one town they discover that there are only something like 9 people and a dog at the concert. So do they try to sneak out early?

Nope.

I think Bruce says something about the audience having paid for the tickets with their hard-earned money just like everyone else. And then Bruce and the band plays for 4 hours. That’s not just a great and giving attitude. I also think that there is a joy and validation that comes from within that made Bruce and the band go about business as usual and give a great performance.

And I think this mindset is one of the things that propelled them towards a bigger breakthrough and larger audiences.

It’s easy to get stuck in a reactive frame of mind where you need the outside validation to keep going.

One way to not do that is to choose to do something you really like. Then your motivation will come from the inside rather than the reaction of others. This is for instance important if you’re a new blogger. Choosing the right topic to blog about can carry you through the first few months and help you write some really good stuff even though it might seem like only 9 people and a dog are reading your posts.

3. Be bold.

There are a whole lot of bold lines and emotions in Bruce’s music. And I think there is something to be said about boldness in any communication between people. When you keep at a normal tone you can get normal or sometimes little attention.

But when you go bold you start something bigger. You hook your listeners not just to your words, but you suck them into your world. You arouse all these different kinds of emotions in them. You create a stronger experience and a powerful connection. Being bold can of course be scary, but there are payoffs too.

4. Have fun.

This is something that sometimes gets lost in the mix. But one of the biggest lessons I have learned from Bruce is to relax and have fun. When you watch him and the E-Street Band on stage you realise how much fun they are having while creating and performing. And I think this is an important point too: together they create their own fun from the music. They don’t wait around for someone or something else to bring the fun and excitement. They produce it from within.

5. Emotions are contagious.

And that fun they create doesn’t stop within the group. The emotions, the energy from one person travels outward and onward to the next person. So enthusiasm is contagious. And so is optimism. And anger, boredom and apathy too.

I think one of the biggest keys to Bruce’s success is how he is able to convey his own emotions through your speakers (or on stage) and make you feel a lot too. As I said above in point #4, when you go bold with your emotions you create a strong connection to other people. So going bold in a positive emotional way is a good tip for creating a real connection and perhaps starting a good relationship.

6. You are the one holding yourself back.

As I’m listening to “Your own worst enemy” over and over again I’m reminded about one of the most important things I’ve learned over the last year. Most of the time it’s not someone else holding you back. It’s you.

If you go beyond the surface of a problem you often discover that what seemed like an external problem actually has a solution within you, within your thoughts and behaviour. And not saying this in a rah-rah motivational way. It’s just what I have discovered to be accurate a lot of the time.

When I started studying self-improvement I often thought about a few of the little catchphrases I have heard throughout life.

I thought about well, how kinda stupid they were.

How self-help catchphrases like “Just be more confident, man!” or “Just be yourself” were pretty worthless pieces of advice.

And I thought about Nike’s old catchphrase – “Just do it!” – that seems to pop up from time to time too. I thought: “Well, that’s easy to say, but it’s not so easy to just do”. So I concluded that it was just another catchphrase that people throw out because well, they have to say something.

Now I can see that there is actually some really useful advice in that catchphrase. So what changed? Well, I guess I figured out that you can’t really sit and think yourself out of something. And I figured out that I was thinking way too much. And that I identified closely with what I thought and felt.

Over thinking is quite a nifty trick that you can play on yourself. It tricks you into believing that you are on your way to solve your problem. It keeps you protected against perceived dangers out there in the world like failure, rejection and embarrassment by keeping your actions to a minimum. It feeds your ego and tells you that you know more than others, that you are a clever person that has things figured out.

I still think you should make a plan or at least have some thoughts about what you are about to do before you do it. But then, “Just do it!” becomes pretty useful. To me it’s a reminder to just go. To disregard what my thoughts are babbling about, how my emotions are trying to hold me back and just go and do what I need to do. It’s a reminder to focus on the present moment and forget about the rest.

Just do it and you’ll change your mind

Just doing it is for instance useful when you don’t feel like working out. Sometimes you don’t feel like going to the gym and can find 27 reasons not to. Then it’s useful to disregard your thoughts and just go. The same goes for writing posts for your blog. You can find a lot of reasons to watch TV and slack off instead. But in both cases I have found that if I just get started and focus on what I am doing I flip around mentally. What felt like a drag before I got started instead turns into positive feelings about what I’m doing.

Even if you want to do something, your mind will often find reasons not to. And your emotions may become negative in some way. Maybe you’ll feel nervous or lazy or bored. So you may think about it and do something to relieve your nervousness or pump up your motivation.

And maybe that works and helps you to take action. And sometimes it probably doesn’t. You still get wrapped up in the thoughts and emotions that are holding you back. So you think a bit more, perhaps to find a solution, perhaps to wallow in your thoughts and feelings. And often get nowhere.

What you are not

Just doing it is still not always easy to pull off. But I’ve found a few insights that makes it a whole lot easier than it once was.

You are not your thoughts.

Yeah, I thought this perspective sounded a bit weird when I first heard about it from Eckhart Tolle. But what I have realised is that I am not really my thoughts. I’m the one observing my thoughts. The thoughts are just something that moves through my mind. But it is not me. And when this close identification with your thoughts starts to break up you realize that they are often just ramblings that spin around and around most of the day.

You are not your emotions.

Not listening to your thoughts too much gets easier after a while. It can be harder not to listen to your emotions. But when the identification with your thoughts starts to loosen I have also felt how I’m less tied up in my emotions.

And the thing is, a million movies and TV-shows may tell you that you should follow your emotions. But your feelings aren’t really as reliable as pop-culture can make us think. Sometimes they just come from some outdated habitual thoughts that we established 10 years ago. Sometimes they come from how we act and move (since emotions work backward too).

And I guess you can put a whole lot of trust in your emotions once you have recalibrated them and weeded out most of your irrational fears, anger, not-so-useful social programming and negative habits of thought. Until then you may not want to have too much belief in what your emotions are telling you. And as I wrote above, after you just go and get started you often find that your emotions can change quickly and drastically.

This is not to say that your thoughts or emotions are worthless. But sometimes – and you can often tell when – they are mostly just holding you back. And if you are less identified with them and less wrapped up in them it becomes easier to act in spite of what they are suggesting that you should do.

This can be helpful if you want to establish a new habit. You’ll improve faster and stick to your new habit until it sticks to you if you don’t fold as quickly as your mind gets over the initial enthusiasm and starts to invent reasons for you to give up, excuses for you to fail (since success can be scary) or starts producing all kinds of negative and/or protective emotions.

And the fun thing about this is that it’s kinda liberating. You realise that you don’t have to obey or act in accordance with your thought loops or emotions. It’s not the police, your mom and dad or teacher. You can just move and go do it. And so you take control of your thoughts and emotions instead of other way around.

What do you want?

A great job?

A fulfilling relationship?

Go sailing around the Pacific for a few years in your very own luxurious boat?

Or just to get along better with yourself?

Perhaps you want one of more of those things. But beneath those and many common wishes, if you take it a step further, often lies a wish to find happiness.

One good way to find a few useful, life-improving and time-tested tips is to look back. To look way back through history. To find ideas that have arisen in minds over and over the last few thousand years.

Here are seven such ideas about how you can find happiness. Maybe you’ll find them helpful.

And if you want to learn much more about inner happiness then have a look at my 12-week Self-Esteem Course.

1. You choose.

How your view yourself and your world are conscious choices and habits. The lens you choose to view everything through determines how you will interpret what is happening. And from your interpretation you act. And all of this becomes your life.

You can choose to find happiness in small, everyday things. You can choose to interpret what happens in a positive way. Or in a negative way.

And your choices controls much of how much happiness your will find and create in your life.

2. Focus on the present, not yesterday or tomorrow.

You only have now. And now. And now.

Yesterday is a memory and you cannot change it. Tomorrow is just a fantasy in your mind right now.

So live more in the now, focus on the present moment and today. Think and worry less about yesterday and tomorrow.

Otherwise you might miss a great deal of happiness that is available to you right now.

3. Don’t forget to be grateful.

One of the simplest and quickest ways to turn a negative and sour mood into a more positive one is to be grateful.

A few things you can feel gratitude for are for instance: The sunshine and the weather. Your roof. Your health. A good TV-show, a movie or a song. Your friends, family, co-workers and just about anyone walking down the street.

Just try if for a minute and see how it changes how you feel. And it’s a win/win solution.

You feel great because you are grateful about your world and the people you are grateful for feel great too because they feel appreciated. So don’t forget about gratitude or you may forget about the happiness that is already in your life.

4. Help someone else find happiness.

This is certainly one of the most popular ideas I’ve found about happiness. And it might sound cliched and empty. But it works very well.

When you make someone else happy – by, for example, helping them with something – you can sense, see, feel and hear it. And that happy feeling flows back to you. And then, if you’d like, you can boost you own ego by thinking something like: “Wow, I really made him/her happy!”

And since the Law of Reciprocity is strong there is another upside. People will feel like giving back to you. Or they might feel like helping/sharing it with someone else.

And so the two – or more – of you keep spreading the happiness.

5. Get rid of a couple of your less valuable desires.

If you want less instead of more, more, more then your desires are more likely to be fulfilled. And if you throw away a few of those desires that you may not really want or need that much anyway you’ll probably start to feel less stressed and worried.

This is a calmer and better place to be to enjoy your day (tip #2) and to take the time discover the happiness that is already in your life (tip #3).

6. Do what you like to do.

A pretty obvious one.

But it’s still easy to trap yourself into doing what you don’t want to for many, many hours. And seldom do what you really love to do.

And I guess this one ties into tip #1. You may not be able to choose to do what you want to do right now. Or for many hours each day or week.

But you almost always have a choice to do more of what you really want to do. There is always time. Or time you can free up.

You have a choice.

7. Or at least do something.

One of the best ways to not find happiness is just to hold yourself back and do nothing.

Seldom show up.

Paralyze yourself through over analysis.

It’s not always easy to take action, it can be scary and hard and difficult. But if you don’t take action you’ll be missing out on a lot. Including many moments, people and experiences that can bring you a lot of happiness.

Mornings can be hectic.

There are a whole bunch of things that need be done in little time.

Especially if you turned over in bed and hit snooze several times after the alarm-bell rang.

The rest of day can also be hectic at times.

But if you take some time tonight to prepare you can make tomorrow at least a little easier, more exciting and smoother to handle.

1. Plan your day.

Use the 80/20 rule or some other way to find your most important tasks for tomorrow. Write them down in order of importance so they don’t slip your mind and get lost in all the busywork of tomorrow. If possible, start with most important task first thing in the morning. This will often raise your productivity plus self-confidence and set the mood for the rest of the day.

2. Visualize your day.

Take a few minutes in your most comfy chair or in bed. Close your eyes and visualize how well everything will go tomorrow. How good your breakfast will taste, how easily you’ll get to work (or handle delays if there are any), how you will be effective and not get stuck in busywork in school or at work. And so on. And make sure you don’t just see it in your mind but also hear and feel it. Make it come alive as much as possible.

This may sound a bit corny but visualizing a good next day can really change your mood, heighten your performance and make tasks, meetings and your whole day run smoother. I have found that it is quite a bit of an improvement compared to if you do what a lot of us do; visualizing tomorrow but in a negative way.

Everything that will happen tomorrow may not be as fun as your weekend was. But how you think about your day – what attitude and perspective you choose – certainly changes how you interpret and create it.

3. Make your lunch.

Pack the leftovers of your dinner in a container and put it in the fridge. Just don’t forget to put it in your bag tomorrow. You may even want make an extra serving so you can quickly heat up dinner when you get home tomorrow. Doing this tonight will save you a bit of time and possibly a bit of money.

4. Pack your bag.

This very simple habit can alleviate quite a bit of stress in the morning. If you pack your bag tonight you don’t have run around in your house half panicked tomorrow looking for your books or some important papers.

On a related note, it’s also useful to check that your keys are hanging where they should hang before you go to bed. Looking for them in the morning – just as your bus is leaving – can create unnecessary stress. Keeping a place where you always hang or put them is an easy way to avoid a lot of keysearches early in the day.

5. Invest in yourself.

Cut out a bit of TV. Do a bit of reading instead. Learn something you can have use for. Take an evening class, read a self-improvement book, learn a language or a dance. Or go out running or exercising in some other way. This might not change much for tomorrow. But if you have an hour or so over every other night you can make some real progress and in the longer run change your future tomorrows a whole lot.

6. Journal.

Review your day and get what is on your mind out on virtual or tree-based paper. This can bring calmness and clarity to your mind. Journaling can also give you more structure in life and is a way to find focus and to think things through in a better way. It can help you to find solutions and opportunities in your challenges.

7. Ask gratitude questions.

If you don’t have the time for this little exercise in the morning or want to end your day on a positive note give it a try tonight.

Here’s what you do; ask yourself five empowering three-part questions in this way:

What am I ______ about in my life right now?

What about it makes me _______?

How does it make me feel?

Put in your own value in the blank space. For instance, a couple of my questions are: What am I happy about in my life right now? What am I excited about in my life right now?

It’s important that you really feel how it makes you feel. When I think about the last part about what makes me happy right now I really feel it. These questions are great because:

a) the way they are set up makes you recognize things you take for granted
b) and then they really get you to feel those positive feelings.

8. Relax.

These last two tips are in the super obvious category. But reminders are good from time to time. And you can’t get much done if you never get any rest and revitalization. Well, you can for a while but soon you’ll start to feel run down, stressed out and fill up with all kinds of negative emotions.

So find a way to relax that suits you. Meditate in one way or another. Take a warm bath. Take a walk in the woods. Listen to relaxing music. Or just catch up on sleep.

9. Do something fun and exciting.

Do something more active than watching TV-shows you aren’t that fond of anyway (just watch the ones you really like). Don’t just get stuck in a boring rut that keeps your mood low and level. It’s important to just find something fun and exciting to do. Something that can cheer you up. Something that can make you feel better as the alarm clock goes off tomorrow morning.

This is a reminder.

You probably already know all – or most – of this. But reminders can be useful.

If your memory is anything like mine it’s like a leaking bucket.

Since I’ve started to write things down more often I have also noticed – when reviewing old notes – how much my memory can leak.

The memory isn’t very reliable. Every time we remember something we recreate what happened rather than just replay a film from our mental archives. The recreation is directed by a number of things such our beliefs, our emotional state at the time and our self-image.

What you remember about an event may differ quite a bit from what someone else remembers. There is a wide variety of interpretations of reality and truth. And then when you try to remember that interpretation of an event later on it can change even more.

So we need external systems. And there are a lot of them to experiment with.

Until recently I have preferred to mostly keep it simple with paper and a pen. I feel that overcomplicated programs seems to encourage being busy rather than being effective. Getting a dozen things done quickly isn’t that helpful if what you are getting done isn’t that important.

I also use this blog not only to share useful tips and information but also to keep a record for myself of thoughts on different areas of self improvement.

This has been helpful to remind myself of various ideas and techniques that can help me improve my life and of mistakes that are so easy to make.

Journaling

A few months ago I made an addition to the blog and the paper notebooks where I wrote my to-do lists, short notes and goals. I started journaling using my computer.

This allowed me record a fuller picture of events, thoughts and emotions. Instead of being confined to small notebooks I could get it all down. This was a relief and allowed me to capture a whole lot more nuance and think things through more easily. I wish I had started earlier.

At the moment I use less paper. Instead I record thoughts, goals, ideas and then work on them using The Journal by David RM.

From what I have seen so far, I haven’t used it long, it seems to be an excellent piece of software with a 45 day free trial. And I’m sure there are also a number of good and free alternatives out there too.

I still use small notebooks to write down my to-do lists and shopping lists for the day. But since my thoughts and ideas have grown to a quite a large number it’s easier to keep them in a one piece of software rather than a few notebooks.

This also makes it easier to be more creative and find connections and combinations between different ideas. And since I have just started journaling I guess there are more insights to come.

So, I have already mentioned a few ideas on why you should write things down. Below are few more.

9 more reasons to write things down

• Written goals are important. One thing a lot of very successful self improvement writers – Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Zig Ziglar and so on – go on and on about is the importance of having written goals. A written goal brings clarity and focus. It gives you a direction. And by rewriting your goals you not only reaffirm what your goals are. You may also have found new insights that bring more clarity and focus to your goal and life. A written goal is also a powerful reminder that you can use to keep yourself on track.
• To remind yourself to focus. You can use paper or your screensaver or another program to give yourself reminders. Often we get caught up in our everyday business and lose track of what is most important. To keep yourself on track – instead of just keeping yourself busy with low-priority tasks – simply write down a reminder that can stop your thoughts when you see it and guide you back on track again. I like the reminder: is this useful? Then put that reminder where you can’t avoid seeing throughout your day.
• Unloading your mental RAM. When you don’t occupy your mind with having to remember every little thing – like how much milk to get – you become less stressed and it becomes easier to think clearly. This is, in my opinion, one of the most important reasons to write things down. Feeling more calm and relaxed does not only improves your health but also makes life easier.
• Clearer thinking. You can’t hold that many thoughts in your head at once. If you want to solve a problem it can be helpful to write down you thoughts, facts and feelings about it. Then you don’t have to worry your mind about remembering, you can instead use it to think more clearly. Having it all written down gives you an overview and makes it easier to find new connections that can help you solve the problem.
• A record of what you were thinking. I have already noticed how interesting it is to just go back a month to see what I was thinking then. I believe that when you have kept a record of your thoughts for quite a while you’ll have some fascinating reading on your hands. It can also show you how you have changed and improved.
• A record of your positive qualities. When I read what have written it is sometimes fuzzy and unfocused. But other times I’m kinda surprised at how clever I was. Keeping a written record could be a good way to remind yourself of your positive qualities.
• Improve long-term focus on what’s important. Reminders that I described above can be useful to keep you on track in your normal day. But you can also use a journal as a way to keep an overview of your thinking over a longer time-span and to recognize both positives and negatives in your thinking. You may, for example, think of yourself as a healthy person but realize when you read through your journal that you have only been out running four times this month. This can help to spot trouble and keep you on track within a larger time-frame.
• Become better acquainted with yourself. You may, for instance, have an image of your life where you are a positive person but discover when reading through your notes for the last month that you are negative about your job or a relationship in almost every entry. This might tell you something that you haven’t really paid much attention to about yourself and/or something about that job or relationship. This can bring clarity to your life.
• Track your achievements. If you are working out or investing in stocks it can be useful to keep written record of your results and thoughts over a longer time-span. It can not only motivate you when you are feeling down about your perceived lack of positive results and let you see how far you have really come. It can also help you use problems and solutions from the past to find solutions to new problems (or readjustments to prevent problems before they even appear).