We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Anais Nin

There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.
W. Clement Stone

For myself I am an optimist – it does not seem to be much use being anything else.
Winston Churchill

I write a lot about having a positive attitude. But why should work on your attitude and try to make it a more consistently positive one? What are the actual benefits?

And how do you go about changing your attitude from a negative one to a more positive one? I’ll get to that a bit further down in this article.

But first, let’s start with the why and 8 awesome reasons to blast negativity out of your life and replace it with a more positive attitude.

1. Attractiveness. Frankly, I think this is one of the most important reasons to adopt a positive attitude. It just makes you so much more socially attractive in all kinds of ways (with friends and random people you meet, at work/in school or with some cute guy/girl you’re interested in). Plus, a lot of people simply don’t have the patience, time or interest in a lot of negativity. They’ll just spend more time with positive people instead.
2. You focus on the good things in people. Not their flaws. This will make things much better overall and improve all kinds of relationships.
3. It’s easier to be more productive. You simply get more things done when you stop laying obstacles in the middle of the road in the form of negative thoughts.
4. You’ll waste less time and energy. Negativity can be like a self-feeding loop. First you think one negative thought. It leads you to three more. And then you start examining your life in deeper detail through a depressing lens. When you get into vicious cycles like these it can eat up hours, weeks and years of your life. It can drain a lot of your energy whilst trapping you in paralysis by analysis. And you probably won’t become that much wiser in the process. We live for about 24-28 000 days. Don’t waste them.
5. A circle of positivity. Emotions are contagious. Everyone wants positive emotions. And most want to keep them going so they give back positivity to you too. And so a sort of circle of positivity can be created and strengthened. This makes any interactions/relationships a lot more fun.
6. It enables you to see things that aren’t there yet. If you are pessimist or a realist you may get stuck in thinking that things will stay the same and a positive change is unlikely. If you think that way then it will be hard to make a big positive change. You have to be able to see it on your mind and have a belief that you can do it to actually be able to achieve it.
7. Everything becomes more fun. The fun aspect of life and personal development is often a bit overlooked. Positivity makes work, school, relationships, working out and just about everything more fun.
8. Negativity is stupid. If you look at the reasons above it becomes obvious how much better and more useful positivity is for you. When I feel negative I often simply remember that negativity is worse choice in any situation really. And since I don’t want to make stupid choices I choose to change my attitude in those situations.

How I Do It

So how do you create, maintain and strengthen a positive attitude?

Well, here’s how I do it.

These tips and mindsets allow me to stay positive about 80 percent of the time right now. I expect those numbers to improve even more over the coming months and years. Changing your attitude can be a lot of work at first but after a while a positive attitude becomes and more of a default just like the negative attitude once was for you.

It is important to note that these techniques will become more powerful and easier to use after a while because you form a new belief that your emotional states and thought patterns are things you can shift around pretty quickly. This belief makes things a lot easier since your mind is not resisting so much anymore. You just think Oh, I feel negative and that kinda stupid. Let’s change that to a more positive state of mind. And your mind goes: Well, I guess that is what we can do nowadays so OK!.

Realize that positivity isn’t something uncool, corny or stupid.

This is the first step and it can be quite a hurdle even though it may seem obvious. If you have been negative or a realist for many, many years then positivity can seem well, kinda stupid and naive. Your mind and emotional habits are so ingrained that positivity seems a bit too foreign to accept.

However, to get this to work you will have to take a leap of faith. Because you can theorize about how stupid or practically useless a positive attitude may be for as long as you want. You won’t understand it until you just start using it. And to get it to work you can’t have half your mind protesting all the time and thinking that this won’t work.

Sure, you will have doubts about it and they will decrease when you start seeing some positive results in your life. But if you’re doubts are overwhelming then it will be like rowing forward with one hand and rowing backward with the other hand.

Decide that you will make this conscious change in your attitude. Or at least that you will ignore your doubts and just give it a try during the whole month of February.

Take care of the fundamentals.

This is for me the most important thing you can do to maintain and strengthen your positive attitude. How you eat, sleep and workout is huge factor. A good lifestyle, how you live your life on normal days determine how you feel and think.

For example, exercising and keeping my testosterone levels pretty high consistently – I do that by focusing on free weight exercises that target many and big muscle groups – is a very simple way to get a lot of positive emotions to flow through my body automatically. A good workout always seems to do the trick.

Positive influences.

Fill your mind and emotional system with positive input from people, music and programs/books. Other people’s thoughts have a big influence and emotions are contagious.

Limit your time with negative people. Reduce TV or magazines that may make you feel worse about what you don’t own or your body. Or just create fear and negativity within you (for instance a lot of news shows). Limiting negative influences can make it a lot easier to keep the positive attitude up.

Set the context for your day.

What you do early in the day often sets the context for your day. We have a tendency to want to be consistent with what we have done before. You can use that your advantage in few ways. You can for example do the hardest thing on your to-do list first. When it’s done you’ll feel good about yourself and it makes the day feel easier and you’ll have less inner resistance to getting the rest of the tasks of the day done.

Another example is to start your day of great socially by acting social (even if you don’t feel like it). This tends to make a normal day a lot more fun and positive than if you if you start out by being closed off and feeling guarded.

Act as you want to feel.

Act as if you are feeling positive. After a few minutes you will actually feel it for real. So smile. Use positive language. And so on. It feels weird at first but it really works.

Cut the negative threads of thought quickly.

Do it before you get stuck in them. If I go down a negative spiral of thoughts I quickly – within a minute or two – think Hmm, negativity is stupid and won’t help me. And then I choose to focus on the more positive aspects of whatever I’m thinking about or I start thinking about something else.

Reframe using questions.

I use questions like What’s awesome about this situation?Is this useful? to get myself out of negative perspectives and shift my focus to more positive and useful aspects of anything.

Be present.

I write a lot about being present. One big reason for that is when you are present you are naturally feeling pretty awesome. You become positive, calm and fears you may have are greatly reduced. One way to reconnect with the present is simply to take 30 belly breaths and focus on your in and out-breaths.

Another is to just look at what’s right in front of you right now. Listen to the sounds around you. Feel the fabric of your clothes and focus on how they feel.

Acceptance.

Sometimes you encounter negative thoughts or moods that you just can’t seem to be able to shake. When this happens – for instance in situations where you have little control, like when you are sick or waiting for your exam results – I use acceptance. By accepting how I feel I stop feeding more energy into the negativity. And so it often disappears or is at least reduced.

Take action.

Inactiveness, indecision and procrastination tend to create negativity. A good way to get around this common problem is to set that positive and active context for your day.

Do the right thing.

Indecision and doing what you know deep down is not right will create negative feelings and thoughts within. Do what you think is right and you will create a lot more positive feelings within.

A habit of gratitude.

Being grateful for all the things you have – health, roof, family, friends, opportunities, food etc. – is a great little tool to shift a negative mood to a positive one. It only takes a minute or two.

When you spend some time regularly to focus on all the good things in your life it also becomes natural to expect more good things to flow into your life. And what you expect from the world is often what you get.

Meditation.

I use guided mediations like Paraliminals, but any form of meditation seems to have positive effects on how you feel and think. A favourite of mine to gain a boost of positivity and eliminate negative thoughts and self-talk is the Self-Esteem Supercharger. I use various Paraliminals about four or five times a week right now.

What are your best tips for building and maintaining a positive attitude?

“In my country we go to prison first and then become President.”

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”

“It always seems impossible until its done.”

Nobel Peace Prize winner Nelson Mandela needs no long introduction. He was a prominent activist in the struggle against the oppression in South Africa and spent 27 years in prison because of that. Finally, in 1990 he was released and went on to become a president that helped to change and unite South Africa.

Here are nine of my favourite fundamentals from Mandela for bringing about change in yourself and in your world.

1. Don’t shrink yourself or your ambitions.

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

It’s tempting to play small. To just settle and take it easy. It would definitely be easier, at least in the short run. Because going after what you really want demands so much time, effort and possible pain along the way. But it’s also there where you grow and can live fully.

While playing small might be easier it also comes with nagging thoughts at the back of your head that say “Is this all there is? Could I have done more?”. Taking the tough road is of course harder in many ways. But it is also there you find the truly awesome triumphs and wonderful times that you may never have experienced otherwise.

2. Move towards your fear.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

What you really want in life is also often what you fear the most to go after. Moving towards fear is often a pretty good – but terrifying – piece of advice. So how can you overcome the fear that holds you back? Here are three tips:

Fear is often based on unhelpful interpretation. As humans we like to look for patterns. The problem is just that we often find negative and not so helpful patterns in our lives based on just one or two experiences. Or by misjudging situations. Or through some silly miscommunication. When you get too identified with your thoughts you’ll believe anything they tell you. A more helpful practise may be to not take your thoughts too seriously. A lot of the time they and your memory are pretty inaccurate.

Be curious. When you are stuck in fear you are closed up. You tend to create division in your world and mind. You create barriers between you and other things/people. Curiosity on the other hand is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your fear. Curiousness also opens you up to gain understanding of something. And with understanding vague, fog-like fears disappear.

Don’t cling to your illusion of safety. Why do people sit on their hands? Is it just because they become paralyzed with fear? I’d say no. One big reason why people don’t face their fears is because they think they are safe where they are right now. But the truth is that safety is mostly a superstition. It is created in your mind to make you feel safe. But there is no safety out there really. It is all uncertain and unknown. When you stop clinging to your safety life becomes a whole lot more exciting and interesting. You are no longer as confined by an illusion and realize that you set your limits for what you can do and to a large extent create your own freedom in the world.

3. Be patient and persist.

“After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.”

It would be nice if we got anything we wanted right now. That seldom happens. One of the key traits of successful people is that they persist and have patience where others simply have had enough and go home.

The problem is often that the time-frames we set up for success in our minds are a bit too optimistic. Advertising tells us that we will have success quickly. The idea of quick and easy success permeates society. Why? Because it’s easy to sell. It’s appealing to the mind that is in itself often lazy and wants shortcuts. And it’s easy to get people to buy another “magic pill” that they hope will solve the problem since the first product will probably leave them unsatisfied.

Now, I’m not saying that you sometimes can have great success quickly. But often it takes time. More time than you may have hoped for.

How can you set up realistic time-frames with possible obstacles mapped out reasonably well? Well…

4. Educate yourself.

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

By educating yourself about whatever you want to achieve or overcome you can gain a lot of power.

So read books – a good tip is to check out the reviews at amazon.com before buying – and blogs. Ask people who have already done what you want to how they did it. And try to help someone like someone else helped you. It’s an awesome way to gain greater understanding of what you are doing/talking about. Plus, you get to help someone out.

Educating yourself can also, like curiousness, be a great way to get rid of many of the foggy fears you may have and that are holding you back from taking action and moving towards what you want.

5. Make a friend out of an enemy.

“If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”

Turning an enemy or someone we don’t like into a friend is difficult because first impressions can be powerful. Our concept of a person can remain intact if we don’t push further and question and explore it.

Of course, since the ego needs to tell you that you are right and someone else is wrong then it can be hard to change your opinion of someone. That opinion of him/her is tied up in your ego and fuels your sense of being “right”. The key and the way out here is to not take your thoughts or emotions too seriously. To stay on top of them instead of letting them overwhelm and control you.

This can allow you to open your mind to a change in the relationship.

Now, how can you make him/her your friend? One quick suggestion would be to start looking for the positive in the person. Then to take the first step and give some kind of value – like help for instance – to that person. And then to take more steps if s/he is not convinced that you want to change the relationship.

6. You haven’t lost until you don’t get up.

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

“There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.”

Your road to success may not be as bad as it was for Mandela and the people in South Africa. But you will probably have some bad times and some difficult and painful times. There will be bad days and bad weeks (or even months).

When you first get started with something you can be filled with enthusiasm and perfect dreams. Somewhere down the line it can become a bit messier and more uncertain.

Should you give up at such a point? Well, sometimes maybe it is time to quit and find a something new to focus on. But oftentimes it’s like the world is testing you. It wonders if you really want this bad enough. That’s when you need to push forward and not let temporary obstacles – no matter if they are real or just in your mind – stop you.

Failing is normal. Making mistakes is normal. The people with most success are often the people who failed the most. They learned from their mistakes and failures, grew stronger and more resilient and persisted while the rest of the people gave up.

7. Do it now.

“We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.”

Circumstances will never be perfect. If you wait for that perfect day to finally take action, you might wind up waiting for your whole life. Some day most often never comes at all.

Don’t get stuck in that all too common thought trap of thinking that you will do some special thing, but always someday in the future. The right time to take the first step and begin is pretty much always right now.

And if you don’t feel like doing it and getting started, don’t let that inner resistance – if it’s not there for some very good reason – stop you. Your emotions and thoughts are not in control of you even though they may want to fool you into thinking so. You can take action despite what they are telling you.

8. Don’t stop moving now.

“When the water starts boiling it is foolish to turn off the heat.”

I think this is an aspect that is often a bit overlooked.

When you have achieved some success, what do you do? A common approach is to just lean back and enjoy your own awesomeness and what you’ve accomplished. Nothing wrong with that. However, if you lean back for too long you lose your momentum. And then you have to start over again (or at least start moving again from a worse place than right after the success).

Mandela has an awesome point here. Just like you don’t turn off the heat as soon as the water starts boiling you should not retreat or stop moving as soon as you see some success. Because this is the time where you can enjoy what you have accomplished but also should keep on moving and use that momentum and positive, upward spiral of action and results that you have created.

9. Understand that everyone is just human.

“That was one of the things that worried me – to be raised to the position of a semi-god – because then you are no longer a human being. I wanted to be known as Mandela, a man with weaknesses, some of which are fundamental, and a man who is committed.”

When you start to make myths out of people – even though they may have produced extraordinary results – you run the risk of becoming disconnected from them. You can start to feel like you could never achieve similar things that they did because they are so very different. So it’s important to keep in mind that everyone is just a human being no matter who they are.

And I think it’s important to remember that we are all human and prone to make mistakes. Holding people to unreasonable standards will only create more unnecessary conflicts in your world and negativity within you. Something one may want to keep in mind right now as Barack Obama begins his presidency.

It’s also important to remember this to avoid falling into the useless habit of beating yourself up over mistakes that you have made. And instead be able to see with clarity where you went wrong and what you can learn from your mistake. And then try again.

Note: This is a guest post by Glen Allsopp of PluginID.

I noticed recently that Henrik had advertised he was looking for guest posters so I decided to contact him to see if the offer was still open.

He told me it was so I began writing the article you are reading right now. The reason I tell you this is that I’m all about living positively, living a life we have designed and one that is full of happiness.

However, positivity is never something I’ve wrote about, it’s not something that crosses my mind, it just tends to come naturally.

With that in mind, I decided to do a little twist on the theme of this blog and look at remaining positive even when it looks like there is no hope and things aren’t going to get better.

5 Things to Remain Positive About

So, what are the 5 things that you should always remain positive about, especially through your low points? Let’s find out shall we…

1. Your Health.

I love the saying ‘If there’s nothing wrong with your health, you don’t have a problem’, I’m not saying I fully believe in it (I don’t believe in problems, only situations) but it definitely makes sense.

When we are born, there’s only one thing all of us having in common, we are going to die.

While that may be a grim statement, you certainly shouldn’t look at things like that. Your health is one of the most vital assets you have, in fact it’s the most vital asset you have.

No matter what car you drive or how much money you have in your bank, they are completely meaningless compared to the importance of being healthy and strong.

When everything seems down, just remember that you are alive and healthy and you have the rest of your life in front of you.

There’s no greater achievement than the gift of life.

2. There’s Always Tomorrow.

You’ve probably heard this a million times but the point from this statement is just as true as ever.

Have you ever been stressing about something a lot, maybe through impatience, and woke up the next day and found that you don’t really care about that ‘problem’ anymore?

I know I have.

There’s always tomorrow is not just a wishful thinking mindset, it’s a fact. Tomorrow will be here just like today was here, so no matter how bad things are going or how bad your day seems, tomorrow will be here when you wake up and give you hundreds of more opportunities.

That isn’t to say you should put things off and always be waiting for tomorrow, this is about realising you still have the time to turn things around and improve your situation.

3. Your Potential.

There are some people in this world who are billionaires. There are some people in this world that discovered gravity, invented electricity and even someone who came up with the internet.

You know what the difference is between you and all these amazing people?

Absolutely nothing, you’re both human.

Some people never live up to their full potential, mostly because they believe that success and fame or happiness and clarity are left for people who are more fortunate than them.

Do you think Tim Berners-Lee woke up and decided to create the internet?

No way. But I’m sure he had an idea of what he wanted to achieve and went out there to start doing it.

You have the potential to be anyone and do anything you want, our time on this planet gives us amazing chances and opportunities, don’t waste it because you feel like you have no hope.

You have as good a chance to change the world as anybody, you just have to realise it.

People made millions, people saved lives, you are a person, you can do the same.

4. Things Could be Worse.

Things could be worse, they could always be worse, at least in 99.9% of situations we find ourselves in.

I recently told the story of a prostitute who was kicked out on the street by a man who had sex with her and didn’t pay. This was while being watched by lots of people with their heads hanging out of office windows to see what was going on.

Imagine being in that situation.

No matter what problems you think you have right now, they could be worse. If you are struggling to pay your next bill, at least you are living in a home while doing it or have a family who are willing to support you.

If you’ve just divorced your wife, it’s not like all other women on the planet have disappeared, you can still get out there and find another girl for you.

Life is abundant, don’t take your current situation as the worst it could be, because more often than not, things could be a whole level worse than you can imagine.

5. You’ll Come Out Stronger.

I love challenges, I really do.

I love knowing I’m scared of doing something but that I can conquer it.

For example I recently did a bungee jump, I was very nervous before jumping from an 80ft bridge but I loved knowing I was nervous, I loved having the opportunity to overcome the fear.

‘Hard times make you stronger’ or variations of that phrase are probably something you’ve heard 100 times before, that’s because it’s true. Think of any hard time in your life whether it’s:

• Losing your job
• Going through a divorce
• Getting beaten up / mugged / burgled (I’ve had all 3)
• Being financially unstable

If you’ve been through any of these and came out on the other side then you will know that they’ve probably made you stronger as a person and helped you with other aspects of your life.

Be thankful for the challenges you have right now, because on the other end is a new you with a lot more strength than the old one.

Glen Allsopp writes on the subject of Personal Development over at PluginID. You can help him help you by subscribing to his feed, here.

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
Mae West

I have blogged for about two years now. I have listed tons of timeless quotes.

Today I’d like to share the ten of the tips that have resonated most with me. Ten of my favourites. The quotes I often return to, in many cases just about every week.

1. Woody Allen on showing up.

“Eighty percent of success is showing up”

One of the biggest and simplest things you can do to ensure more success in your life – whether it is in your social life, your career or with your health – is simply to show up more. If you want to improve your health then one of the most important and effective things you can do is just to show up at the gym every time you should be there.

The weather might be bad, you might not feel like going and you find yourself having all these other things you just must do. If you still go, if you show up at the gym when motivation is low you will improve a whole lot faster than if you just stayed at home relaxing on the sofa.

I think this applies to most areas of life. If you write or paint more, every day perhaps, you will improve quickly. If you get out more you can meet more new friends. If you go on more dates your chances of meeting someone special increases. In a way success is quite a bit about numbers. The really successful people have often tried and failed a lot more than the average person.

2. Nike on self-discipline.

“Just do it!”

Quite a while back I sat around and thought about Nike’s old catchphrase that seems to pop up from time to time. I thought: “Well, that’s easy to say, but it’s not so easy to just do”. So I concluded that it was just another catchphrase that people throw out because well, they have to say something.

Now I can see that there is actually some really useful advice in that catchphrase. So what changed? Well, I guess I figured out that you can’t really sit and think yourself out of something. And I figured out that I was thinking way too much. And that I identified closely with what I thought and felt.

This tip is connected to the previous one. People often have a hard time with showing up consistently. Why? Because of inner resistance and bad habits (such as over thinking things). Sometimes you can motivate yourself out of such a negative headspace by, for example, reviewing why you want to show up (improve your health, earn more money etc).

Sometimes that won’t work though. And it’s those times that can send people spiralling into negative spirals going downwards or positive spirals going upwards. Because some people will stay at home when they encounter the resistance. And some will just go and do what they want to do anyway, despite that their mind and emotions might be saying “no, no, no!”

Don’t trust your thoughts or feelings too much or take them too seriously. You may want change in your life. But your mind may want homeostasis (everything to remain stable). And so there is a conflict. And so there is an inner resistance to change.

And so you don’t want to get stuck in over thinking things or thinking that your thoughts or emotions are in complete control of what you do. You want to stop listening to what they are saying – or screaming – and go and do whatever it is that you deep down want to do.

3. Helen Keller on fear.

“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.”

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature… Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

You cannot sit on your hands and take it easy and hope to get things done. At least not the things you really want to get done (which often may be the things you fear doing).

Why do people sit on their hands and get comfortable in their ease and quiet though? Well, one big reason is because they think they are safe there. But the truth is what Keller says; safety is mostly a superstition. It is created in your mind to make you feel safe. But there is no safety out there really. It is all uncertain and unknown.

• You may get laid off.
• Someone may break up with you and leave.
• Illness will probably strike.
• Death will certainly strike in your surroundings and at some point come to visit you too.
• Who knows what will happen an hour from now?

This superstition of safety is not just something negative. It’s also created by your mind so you can function in life. No point in going all paranoid about what could happen a minute from now day in and day out. But there is also not that much point in clinging to an illusion of safety. So you need to find balance where you don’t obsessed by the uncertainty but also recognize that it is there and live accordingly.

When you stop clinging to your safety life also becomes a whole lot more exciting and interesting. You are no longer as confined by an illusion and realize that you set your limits for what you can do and to a large extent create your own freedom in the world. You are no longer building walls to keep yourself safe as those walls wouldn’t protect you anyway. You can instead start your own daring adventure. Perhaps slowly at first, but still.

4. Kahlil Gibran on sorrow and joy.

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see in truth that you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

Your pain and sorrow is often in retrospect a gift. It makes you stronger. More empathic and understanding. It helps you out in some way and guides you. You can always look back it when you feel down and be happy that you aren’t in that place anymore.

And it’s often in the sorrow that we later on create our strengths. Many very fit people started on that path because they had hit a big low point health wise. And many great speakers or just very social people may have been being deathly shy at a young age. It’s to a large extent all that emotional leverage and all those painful emotions that at least initially give people a great motivation to change their lives in a radical way.

Your sorrow expands the spectrum of human experience, understanding and emotions for you. You become more grateful because of your sorrow. The sorrow carves deeper. And the deeper it carves, the more joy you will also be able to contain. The sad times make the happy times even sweeter.

5. Bruce Lee on not dividing.

“Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”

This is a very useful and powerful thought. It is also one that obviously is hard to live by. Why? I believe it’s because the ego loves to divide and find ways to “add more” to itself. It wants to feel better – or worse – than someone else. Or more clever. Or prettier. Or less cool. Or wiser. It’s one big game of comparison.

How can you overcome this way of thinking and feeling?

To me it seems to boil down to not identifying so much with your thoughts or feelings. That doesn’t mean that you stop thinking or feeling. It just means that you realize – and remember in your everyday life – that the thoughts and emotions are just things flowing through you.

You are not them though.

You are the consciousness observing them.

When you realize and remember this it enables you to control the thoughts and feelings instead of the other way around. It also enables you to not take your thoughts too seriously and actually laugh at them or ignore them when you feel that your ego is acting out.

When you are not being so identified these things you become more inclined to include things, thoughts and people instead of excluding them. This creates a lot of inner and outer freedom and stillness. Instead of fear, a need to divide your world and a search for conflicts.

It simply makes you a cooler person. smiley

To learn more about this – and also make it easier to apply many of the tips in this article – I would recommend Eckhart Tolle’s books.

6. Mark Twain on approving of yourself.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behaviour and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to do more of what you really want.

This can, in a related way, be a big obstacle in personal growth. You may have all the right tools to grow in some way but you feel an inner resistance. You can’t get there.

What you may be bumping into there are success barriers. You are putting up barriers in your own mind of what you may or may not deserve. Or barriers that tell you what you are capable of. They might tell you that you aren’t really that kind of person that could this thing that you’re attempting.

Or if you make some headway in the direction you want to go you may start to sabotage for yourself. To keep yourself in a place that is familiar for you.

So you need give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Not look for the approval from others. But from yourself. To dissolve that inner barrier or let go of that self-sabotaging tendency.

To kick ass in whatever you want to do you need to feel and think that you deep down deserve it. Otherwise you’ll just pull yourself back into the same mediocre or worse place where you started sooner or later.

7. Epictetus on how you choose your emotions.

“It is not he who reviles or strikes you who insults you, but your opinion that these things are insulting.”

What you feel and how you react to something is always up to you. There may be a “normal” or a common way to react to different things. But that mostly just all it is. You can choose your own thoughts, reactions and emotions to pretty much everything. You don’t have to freak out, overreact of even react in a negative way. Perhaps not every time or instantly. Sometimes a knee-jerk reaction just goes off. Or an old thought habit kicks in.

But as you realize that no-one outside of yourself can actually control how you feel you can start to incorporate this thinking into your daily life and develop it as a thought habit. A habit that you can grow stronger and stronger over time. Doing this makes life a whole lot easier and more pleasurable.

8. Samuel Beckett on failure.

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

An easy and relaxed attitude towards failure. An attitude that says that failure is as just about as normal as cooking your food or brushing your teeth. I remind myself of this one when I have failed or made a mistake. Or the fear of failure pops up. It pulls out all the drama one might associate with failure. And makes it easier and less burdensome to take action.

9. Henry Ford on believing that you can.

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”

The funny thing is that it’s hard to see how much your beliefs control your performance and how you see your world when you are used at looking at things from just one perspective.

When you think you can do something instead of not your perception of that thing changes. And your perception of yourself too. Without those changed perspectives it will be hard to find the courage, motivation, enthusiasm and whatever else you may need.

So to really change your life you may need to take a leap of faith in regards to how you view everything. No one can really give you proof that can convince you to change perspective (because you will just see the proof through your old perspective anyway and dismiss it). You have to try the perspective out for yourself and just see what happens. And here tip #2 becomes very useful once again. Because you may have to just do things even though you are fearful or feel an inner resistance to get the new experience that can support the belief you are trying out.

Another powerful factor with beliefs is self-fulfilling prophecies. And this is connected with tip #6.

If you think you’ll fail you are likely to hold you self back or even trip yourself up (sometimes unconsciously). If you on the other hand think you can do something your mind will start to find solutions and focus on fixing things instead of whining about them. From all of the stimuli around you things, solutions and opportunities will just start to pop up. Without that focus on the right thing, on your ability to do, your mind may not find the resources and solutions that are needed.

10. Kristen Zambucka on reality and changing your world.

“Though I might travel afar, I will meet only what I carry with me, for every
man is a mirror. We see only ourselves reflected in those around us.
Their attitudes and actions are only a reflection of our own.
The whole world and its condition has its counter parts within us all.
Turn the gaze inward. Correct yourself and your world will change.”

This is perhaps my favourite quote so far. I like it because it reminds me that even though there is big, big world out there with many possibilities and people in the end big change in your life comes down to you changing yourself.

It’s very easy to get stuck in thinking that your perspective, the lens through which you view reality is reality itself. But you can’t really see reality. You can only see it filtered through the lens. And the lens is you.

Changing, for example, a very negative attitude to a very positive one changes how you view yourself and your entire world. But as I mentioned in the previous tip, it’s very hard to convince anyone of this. You just have to choose to try another perspective and just use it for a month or so. Even though homeostasis may want to draw you back to the comfortable stability of your old viewpoint. Which may cause you to rationalize that this positive attitude stuff is uncool or cheesy.

Truth is life will never be as in your dreams if you don’t change and correct yourself. No one is coming to save you. No book or personal development guru, not your parents, no knight/lady in white armour. Yes, people around you can of course be a big help.

But as an adult in this world it is time to grow up and save yourself. Not just because it is the right thing to do. But also because it is what actually works.

“Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath.  Today, we are a pious and exemplary community.  Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.”
Mark Twain

Mark Twain was right about the problem with the New Year’s Resolutions. Most of them are forgotten or abandoned and then we are on the old trampled and familiar paths a month later. But how can we avoid it and actually make lasting changes in 2009?

Here are seven common mistakes when trying to keep New Year’s resolutions. And some thoughts on how you can solve each of those problems.

1. You don’t really want it that much.

It’s easy to tipsily declare your New Year’s resolution for 2009 when you got a glass of champagne in your hand. But do actually want it?

Maybe you don’t really want it that much. But the world around seems to want it. This doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve it. But it might be better to focus on what YOU really want. Both to steer your life in the direction you yourself want and to create positive internal motivation instead of external pressure you feel you should live up to.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t use looking good at the beach as one motivation to get in shape. But do it because you want to look good. Not mainly because you want other people to validate you.

How do you find out what you really want to do? By thinking and by experimenting and just trying things out (the image you have of something in your head can be very different from the actual experience). Get to know what you really want in your life.

When you have figured out what you really want take out a pen and piece of paper. Write down all the reasons why you want to achieve this.

You can use this paper later on to solve some the other problems that may pop up.

2. You confuse homeostasis with “time to give up”.

One problem with sticking with your resolution is homeostasis. What that means is that any system wants to be stable. That goes for you. And for the people around you.

So after the initial enthusiasm wanes it may not feel as that much fun anymore. It’s sort of enthusiasm backlash. This is the homeostasis kicking in within your mind (no matter if the goal/habit etc. is actually very positive for you). It’s a resistance to change to keep the system (you) stable. If you are simply aware of this being what it is – rather than a signal to give up – you can persevere, be patient and keep going more easily.

You should also be aware that the homeostasis may appear in the people around you too. Sure, you getting shape might be great. But it means changes in the lives of the people around you too (perhaps new food and nights spent running instead of watching TV with the family etc.). So the people around may react negatively in some way. Realize that it is the homeostasis in them, not that they are being mean. It’s their brains doing what’s natural to keep the system (the family, circle of friends etc.) stable when “scary change” intrudes.

3. You don’t know how to handle your bad days.

We all have bad days, days when we don’t feel like doing anything about our resolutions. That’s normal.

But it can be dangerous to just go with how you feel and think on those days. It can lead to more days with nothing getting done. So you have to help yourself to keep moving on those days too to be consistent and stick with establishing your new habit. You can do this in a couple of ways.

• Pump up your enthusiasm/motivation. There are many ways to temporarily pump up your emotions for a short while. Two of my favourite ways is to act myself in to an enthusiastic state of mind and to get an enthusiastic vibe from other people (in person or via CDs/DVDs). One great way to remind yourself why you are doing all this hard work is to pull out your piece of paper from tip # 1 and review it. This might be what you need to feel better for the moment and be able to take action again.
• Acceptance. On some days those things won’t work. Then it might be better to go for just accepting how you feel. By accepting you stop resisting, for instance, going to the gym. Your focus is now on acceptance and you are no longer feeding more energy into the resistance and making it stronger. Most of the time your negative feelings will lose so much power when you are in an accepting frame of mind that after a while going to the gym doesn’t feel like such a burden anymore.
• Just do it. So you can’t get acceptance to work either? Well, you are still in control. Your emotions or thoughts are not in control. So just get up off the couch and do what you know is the right thing despite how you feel right now. Just go and do it and soon – as you start doing – you’ll feel better again.

4. You’re not changing your environment to suit you.

I think this is an important and sometimes overlooked point. To be able to change you may have to change parts of your daily environment to better support you when establishing your new habit.

• Make it easy. The weather can be pretty bad this time of year. So it becomes very easy to rationalize to yourself that you don’t have to go to the gym because of the snow or rain. So make it easier. Buy some free weights and/or an exercise bike and work out from home. This can really help you to improve your consistency.
• Make it fun. You don’t have to go running if you never really liked it. You can play soccer if you think that is more fun. Try different activities to find what fits you. And find a workout partner if you think that will help you to get things done (and have more fun).
• Remind yourself. You memory is often not that good when you are doing something new, at least for the first month. So put a reminder on the fridge to work out after supper. Put out your training clothes and running shoes so you notice them (instead of having them tucked away in the closet where you forget about them). You may even want to put up your note with all the reasons for sticking with your resolution by your bathroom mirror to get a motivational boost at the start of each day.
• Remove easy availability. If you are going to eat healthier this year then one simple but effective tip is simply to remove the easy availability. So toss out all the cookies and then fill up that vacuum in your life by filling your cupboard and fridge with healthier snacks like fruit and nuts.

5. You don’t have a realistic plan and expectations.

It’s easy to get caught up in the enthusiasm and think your resolution will be taken care of within a few weeks. In reality, however, things tend to take longer than we may have hoped for. Especially if you haven’t done anything similar before and lack actual experience to draw understanding from.

To make a realistic plan you need to educate yourself. Not just draw up some random plan. Have a look at some well respected books ­- for instance by checking the Amazon rating/reviews for them – and websites on the topic you’re interested in. Talk and listen to people who have actually done what you want to do.

I would also recommend focusing on making the activity the goal, not the result. If you focus on losing 20 pound and misjudge the time and effort it will take to do that then it’s very easy to become disheartened and give up.

So focus on the process, focus on – for instance – working out 3 times a week instead. Make that your habit and adjust the difficulty along the way. You should still have your goal of losing those pounds in your mind and measure from time to time. But keep your main focus on just going to the gym or running track consistently, week in and week out. The pounds will come off as a side effect of that habit.

With a realistic plan where you focus on consistent action it become easier to be more patient. And also not to give up when you are faced with homeostasis or the inevitable mistakes and temporary failures along the way.

6. You’re focusing on too many resolutions at once.

If you have too many goals, to many habits to implement directly at the start of 2009 it may wind up in little being established as a natural part of your life two months later.

Enthusiasm is great. But it can make you so unfocused that you just bounce around like Tigger. Or drain you after a while as you try to create too many new habits at once. Especially if you are not used to it. Or in great shape energy wise (keep an eye on what you eat, how much you sleep and the exercise you get).

It may be better to just focus on your most important habit/resolution for January. It will be less of a drain on energy and focus. And you still have 11 more months to establish other habits you want to incorporate into your life.

This may sound like a slow and boring way of going about things. But it’s whole lot better – and more effective – than becoming fatigued, feeling down on yourself for not being able to keep up with all your resolutions and finally giving up completely.

7. You let temporary failure or mistakes lead to giving up completely.

I failed and gave up three or four times before I could establish a habit of working out three times a week. I think read that Steve Pavlina failed four times before he was able to switch to a raw diet and finally stick to it. And Edison failed several thousands of times before he got the light bulb to work as he wanted.

So you got to understand that failure is normal. And the best route is to keep going and gain understanding from your failures or mistakes. Social conditioning and homeostasis often seems to lead us to believe that if you fail you should go home and not ever try again.

But the most successful people are so successful just because they failed, learned and tried again. And again. Because they viewed failure and mistakes as something valuable and pretty positive instead of something dreadful and painful.

2009 will pass no matter what you do. You will arrive at New Year’s Eve this year too.

So if your fail or make some mistakes, so what? Since the time will pass no matter what you do you might as well try again. By doing that you can make 2009 your best year ever.