Note: This is a guest post by Michael Miles of Effortless Abundance.

Henry David Thoreau said that “most men lead lives of quiet desperation,’ and Miguel Torga, the great Portuguese writer, said that “life has the meaning we give it — our richness, our enthusiasm, our pride — or our cowardice.’

The search for meaning is a constant theme in our lives and we try to find it in many different ways. I believe that meaning can be found in the way we add to the world. Let me explain.

Step One: Take control

Austrian psychiatrist and survivor of the holocaust Victor Frankl tells us in Man’s Search for Meaning that between stimulus and response there is a gap, and in that gap lies the whole of our experience. Unlike Pavlov’s dogs, we are free to choose our responses to the things that come our way. Many – perhaps most – people go through life on autopilot, reacting in the same habituated ways they have learned over the course of their life, often rehearsing the scripts they developed as children.

In adult life, many of these scripts are maladaptive and only serve to impoverish our experience and damage us and those we love. When we react defensively to a criticism, when we start to get angry because we are stuck in a traffic jam, when we keep on smoking despite knowing how bad it is, we are ignoring the gap and abdicating our freedom.

But the truth is that we are free – we are not robots, we are not like dogs salivating when a bell rings. We are pulling our own strings and when the stimulus comes we can take control, change our response and hence change our life.

Of course, the power of our habits is strong and keeps pulling us back, but the gap is always there, even after a long lifetime of unconscious behavior, and over time we can expand the gap and become more free. In The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, Steven Covey calls this being proactive, the first step towards a life of meaning. In truth, we have always been in control, but we need to realize this before can move on.

Step Two: Adding Value

Once we have seen that we can change our own life and construct our own experience, we are able to orchestrate things so that we experience greater meaning.

But what gives meaning to our lives? Is it money, property, a successful career, a big car, an attractive spouse or partner? I’m sure most people would agree that these things in themselves do not add lasting and profound meaning to us.

Albert Einstein said that “only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile,’ and I believe that a life of service to others is what truly brings meaning. I prefer to use the term adding value, since this describes what I mean more accurately.

The term “service’ suggests that we have to give up our jobs and money to go help the poor and destitute. I know several people who have done just this, and they have certainly found happiness and peace in their choice of lifestyle. But a life of adding value does not mean abandoning your own needs and desires. It is not the same as sacrifice. Far from it – when we truly add value to the lives of others, we cannot help but receive value ourselves.

Examples of this kind of synergy abound in nature. For example, tree roots are often surrounded by fungal growths that take nutrients from the trees. Having no chloroplasts of their own, the fungi cannot synthesize the precursors of respiration, and so they piggyback on the trees’ ability to do this. In return, the tree gets to use the fungi’s vast subterranean network, extending its own reach and sucking in more nutrients from the soil. The soil, of course, gets this all back – and more – when the tree dies.

Our own body is, perhaps, the ultimate example of synergy in nature, all organs and system working together to create a wonderful entity where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

Adding value is the only real way to live a meaningful life. Victor Frankl said that we must detect the meaning in our own lives, and I think what he meant by this was that we need to figure out the best way of adding value.

Step Three: Do What You Love

So the question remains, how can we add value? I believe the answer to this is surprisingly simple.

To quote Steve Jobs in a speech he gave in 2005, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.

Through Apple, Steve Jobs has undoubtedly added immense value to the world. He did it by following his heart and has been richly rewarded for it. The same can be said for many famous, successful and wealthy people.

The formula is simple. Find what you love. Do it. Add value. Be a success. Perhaps the first step is the hardest. Do you know what you love? There is little more important in life than finding out.

Finally, some food for thought. In Making a Life, Making a Living, Mark Albion cites a study carried out by Srully Blotnick. The careers of 1,500 business school graduates were tracked from 1969 to 1980 and were split into two groups: group A said they wanted to make money first so they could do what they really wanted later, and group B said they would follow their interests first, regardless of financial considerations. At the end of the study, there were 101 millionaires. All but one came from group B.

Michael Miles writes at effortlessabundance.com. Subscribe to his rss feed here.

Image by gutter (license).

What is stopping people from getting the results they want?

Well, for one I’d say a pretty common and self-imposed roadblock is thinking too much.

In fact, one of the best tips for getting things done that I have learned so far is simply to stop thinking and start doing.

I think this problem of overthinking things is nothing that I’m alone with in the personal development community. I think it may be one of the problems that draw people to books and websites on self-help and one of the things that still keep them from achieving what they want even after they have picked up on a lot of helpful advice.

Because after having read five books you think and plan and think a little more. You get lost in thinking. At least that’s what I did. If you’re an overthinker then getting your hands on personal development information becomes just another way to creatively procrastinate. But now you can label it as making progress and get an emotional kick out of it.

Now, I’m not saying that educating yourself or thinking is something bad. But overdoing it won’t help you either.

Here are a couple of good reasons why.

1. Thinking can’t replace action.

I sometimes think there is some kind of wish when overthinking that thinking will somehow replace action. A wish that if you just think enough you can find some easy way out or get what you want without having to actually do something.

Without taking action you’ll most likely not get what you want. Thinking is however seldom as scary or uncertain as taking the leap into the unknown and taking action.

So it can become a place where you hide from taking action and then rationalize to yourself in different ways how all this thinking will help you. Even though you know deep down that what you really want and need is to take action and get going.

2. You may overcomplicate things.

Are things hard and difficult? Yeah, they might be. But you may also want consider that it’s you that are making them even harder.

By overthinking things you make them more and more complicated in your mind. You can turn something fairly simple into a really complicated and big mess. And so it goes from something you can do with some discomfort and persistence into an epic battle where you keep moving inch by painstaking inch.

A problem here is that when what you are doing is difficult and complicated then you and others think that it must be important. And so you feel important. You derive a sense of importance from making things into big struggles.

Such a thing can form into an identity where you are struggling and keeping on moving forward while you imagine other people lying at home in the sofa lazily watching some TV. It can strengthen you. It can make you feel negatively about other people. It may feel good in a sort of way to feel like an outsider or some kind of misunderstood underdog that’s up against so much. So it has its upsides.

However, you may also want to consider not making things to so hard for yourself. You don’t have to be a rebel that’s going against the world. You can just accept what you choose to do. And that other people choose to do other things.

Upsides such as a feeling of importance or of being the underdog may make it hard to give up the notion that what you are doing may not be that difficult and complicated. But I have found that when I do that then I become more relaxed and things tend to be easier to accomplish.

You can to some degree control how difficult something will be. Much of your struggle is up there in your head. Just try letting go of the notion of how awfully difficult something is and see what happens. You may be relieved. And surprised at how you have been making your life more complicated than it needs to be.

3. You’ll perform worse.

If you overthink things you may overcomplicate them. And so you become nervous and start to second guess yourself all the time. It also becomes harder to focus on doing something when you have a have a habit of thinking a lot. You may often slip into possible future scenarios in your mind instead just focusing on what you are doing right now.

All of this can cripple your performance and produce results that are worse than they could have been.

How to stop thinking so much

So, I used to be a big overthinker. Still am. From time to time. But I have made progress. Here are three things I use to cultivate a habit of not overthinking things.

Be aware of the problem.

The most important thing is to be aware that you tend to overthink. And to keep being aware of that in your everyday life. You can for instance do that with post-it notes that say “Don’t overthink things. Act!” or something along those lines.

By just being aware of your habit you can often pick up on when you are doing it, stop yourself and do something more helpful instead. Over time it also becomes easier to step out of the loop of thoughts and not get stuck back in it a half an hour later.

Set deadlines for decisions.

Instead of thinking about something for days, tell yourself that you have – for example – 30 minutes to think. Then you will make a decision.

Be present.

Focus on what’s in front of you instead of flying off to the past or Tomorrowland for long periods of time. A tennis player will for instance not think much while playing. She just trusts in her own subconscious and stays with flow. Her body will – after years of practise – know what to do automatically.

The same goes for many things in everyday life. You don’t have to think a lot about everything. You can just stay present and let the right actions naturally arise.

This may sound a bit wonky, but if you just do things while being present you may discover that the results are often better than if you put in a lot of thought.

Like the tennis player, you know what the right thing to do is and how to do it well from years of experience and practice. You just have to let go of all that thinking that can cripple you. And have trust in your capabilities.

For tips on how to be present have a look at 8 Ways to Return to the Present Moment.

Note: This is a guest post by Karl Staib of Work Happy Now!

Reaching a Zen-like state when working is not about being absolutely blissful. It’s a myth that monks walk around with fixed smiles on their faces.

Some probably do, but most are like you and me. They have their ups and downs while working.

But what they’ve learned to do is focus on the everyday routine and immerse themselves in every task they do.

No matter how they are feeling they are completely in the moment.

1. Stay aware of yourself and your surroundings

When Zen monks cook a meal they notice the smells of the rice and vegetables, the movements of their wrists as they chop the celery and their breath as they move from one task to another. They are aware of all these things because they understand that being lost in thought, whether it be about their friend or what they will read before they go to bed, doesn’t help them enjoy the work that they are doing.

They expand their awareness to soak up everything that they are experiencing. This happens naturally, especially when we are excited about a certain task. Think about something that you love to do. Maybe it’s hanging out with your kids, or a Saturday drive to your favorite store. Everything feels relaxed and wonderful because you’ve cultivated the Zen monk mindset. You don’t want any sensation to pass you by because it’s there to be enjoyed.

2. Work at a Comfortable Pace

You should take your time no matter what you are doing. When you are walking around your favorite store, you probably do it deliberately, making sure you don’t miss a thing.

You have the ability to cultivate this attitude at work. When typing an email you don’t have to type slowly, but you should feel comfortable with the rhythm so you don’t feel rushed.

If you are anything like me you probably don’t work well or happy when you feel hurried. You need to work at the speed with which you feel comfortable, so you can enjoy the process.

3. Take a Few Moments to Transition to a New Task

My father loves Cabella’s (the outdoor store) for hunting, fishing, hiking, and anything to do with fresh air. When he is walking from aisle to aisle he takes a moment to transition from hunting to hiking. He slows down to weigh his options then picks a section that catches his interest.

The brain needs time to adjust from an email to a report. Allow yourself a brief pause between tasks. It will lower your stress and help you work happier.

4. Do What is Necessary First

Zen monks understand that they must maximize their energy by tackling the most important work first. They don’t want to put it off because it only causes more worry. If they don’t get every single task done they are still satisfied because they know they used their time to work on the most important project, not procrastinating on little tasks.

You can learn to come into work and apply your efforts to what needs to be done, so the later part of the day is more relaxed as you do what is most enjoyable.

5. Develop Routines

Zen monks create routines to allow themselves to work more efficiently. They don’t start cleaning the bathroom and stop halfway through. They stay consistent by starting with the tub then moving on to the sink and finishing with the toilet.

You can create routines that help you work more efficiently. Maybe your thoughts are crisper in the morning, so you work on your reports first because it requires the most thinking. Then you move onto email then phone calls and so on. And the last thing you should do is create a list of things you need to do tomorrow so you are all set for the next work day.

6. Forget the Work Day and Enjoy Your Relaxation Time

A Zen monk never lets the work day affect his relaxation time. He releases all thoughts and worries about anything that he was involved in during his work. Through a little practice he encourages his mind to be an ally.

You can train yourself to enjoy the time away from work. So many of us think about projects and ideas when we are with our families and friends, but this is a terrible habit.

The mind needs a break from constant planning, so apply a relaxation technique on your commute home. It’s easy.

Allow yourself to stay with your breath as you head home and anytime a work thought pops into your head then bring your attention back to your breath. If you work at home, then take fifteen minutes before you leave your desk to lean back in your chair and breathe. By doing this over and over, you will strengthen your ability to relax before you spend time with your loved ones.

Karl Staib writes about unlocking and kicking open the door to working happy at his own blog: Work Happy Now! If you enjoyed this article, you may like to subscribe to his feed or read one of his most popular articles, Put People in a Design-Friendly Atmosphere to Inspire Excellent Work and How to Get Your Boss Naked.

Note: This is a guest post by Liz Massey of Creative Liberty.

“I’d love to do it, but I can’t fit another thing into my schedule.” How many times have you heard that-including out of your own mouth?

And mostly this oft-repeated phrase is a true statement: Surveys show that most Americans feel starved for time to do the things that matter to them. All around the world, “crazy busy” is a code phrase for doing what it takes to be successful.

But in addition to possibly bringing success, a packed schedule brings stress. Under such conditions, making a to-do list, instead of being a tool to help us achieve more, becomes yet another way to beat ourselves up, because we’re too busy to get to the things that we want to add to the list.

If all of this describes your situation a little too well, I’d like to suggest you make another list before you start in on your to-do list: a “to-don’t” list.

Where a to-do list is expansive, inclusive and encompassing, a to-don’t list is contractive, narrowing and boundary-defining. At the heart of the to-don’t list is the Pareto principle, also known as the 80/20 rule.

Simply put, the 80/20 rule tells us that 80 percent of our success comes from 20 percent of our actions. Making a to-do list is about discovering the actions that comprise that magic 20 percent and focusing on them. The to-don’t list is about naming the other 80 percent of our actions for what they are – not crucial in a cosmic sense – and finding ways to resolve our entanglements with them.

A couple of caveats are in order here:

• A to-don’t list is not an excuse to remove things you don’t like to do, but need to get done, from your plan of action.
• It is also not an excuse to ignore family or friends to make room for behavior that is unhealthy or compulsive.
• And it is not a way to avoid necessary confrontations or conflict (i.e. friction which eventually results in a better situation).

A to-don’t list is simply a list of actions which you are currently doing which are not high priorities at this time, and which you are willing to forego doing, at least for the immediate future.

When you make a to-do list, for new every item you add, be prepared to move at least one other item (and more likely two or three) to the to-don’t list.

Some potential to-don’ts can be massaged, with the time, manner or frequency of the item manipulated in some way to free up time or energy.

However, it’s truly surprising how many things turn out to be optional, and can drop off our to-do list without incident.

If you’re able to develop and implement a “to-don’t” list, you can reap the following seven benefits.

1. You can take advantage of a new opportunity when it arises.

No more worrying about whether this is the “right time” to pursue an attractive new option. Adding to your to-don’ts can help make now the right time.

2. You can cope more easily with sudden challenges and changing circumstances.

This is a less sunny restatement of benefit number 1, but it is perhaps even more important. How many people do you know have changed their lives dramatically – including how they spend their time – when faced with a crisis? Knowing that you can clarify your wants and needs if you’re buffeted by a difficult situation may make it easier to imagine surviving it.

3. You can become clear on what your priorities are.

Many people juggle actions that reflect their true priorities along with a host of social niceties, imagined favors and other actions that have merit, but just do not count as “essential” in their heart of hearts. The to-don’t list helps you make distinctions between actions that flow from deeply held values and actions taken primarily to please others, protect your reputation, etc.

4. You can do more with less.

Evangelists of the 80/20 principle promote this point as one of the greatest advantages to their mindset. With energy and time freed up to concentrate on the to-dos, focus provides the leverage to turn what doesn’t seem like “enough” into sufficient, even abundant resources.

5. You can say no more confidently.

Few people like to be told no, and fewer still seem to enjoy saying it to someone else. By drafting a to-don’t list, you can be more confident that the items you are saying no to truly can wait, or can be done by someone else other than you.

6. You can generate options to resolve conflicts more easily.

You may be able to generate counter-suggestions to a request after drafting the to-don’t list, and create a mutually satisfying result, even if you can’t provide what was originally expected.

7. Your to-do list will become more useful.

And that’s the intent of the to-don’t list – to support a to-do list that leads to meaningful, satisfying actions.

If you only have three things on your to-do list, but they’re the three right things for you to do today, and you do them, it’s far more productive than if you have a long list that never gets accomplished. And that’s what a to-don’t list can help you do: create a to-do list that’s about to-doing, not to-shoulding or to-wishing.

Liz Massey is an editor, writer and creativity coach based in Phoenix, who blogs about creativity-related topics at Creative Liberty. You can read another article of hers, about falling in love with your creative projects, by clicking here.

“The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.”

As you probably know Ernest Hemingway was a writer, journalist and Nobel Prize Winner. Some of his most famous stories include “The Old Man and The Sea” and “The Sun Also Rises”.

He also participated in both World Wars and worked as a correspondent during for instance the Spanish Civil War.

Now, here are 9 of my favourite words of wisdom from Ernest Hemingway.

1. Listen.

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Learning to really listen to someone rather just waiting for our turn to talk can be a difficult skill to develop. Often we may have much on our mind that we want to say and so listening falls by the wayside.

How can you become a better listener? Here are three tips:

• Forget about yourself. Focus your attention outward instead of inward in a conversation. Place the mental focus on the person you are talking and listening to instead of yourself. Placing the focus outside of yourself makes you less self-centred and your need to hog the spotlight decreases.
• Stay present. This will help you to decrease the bad habit of thinking about the future and what you should say next while trying to listen. If you are present and really there while listening then that will also come through in your body language, which gives the person talking a vibe and feeling that you are really listening to what s/he has to say.
• Be open. Keep your mind open to the possibility that whatever the person is about to say will actually be interesting. If you have already made up your mind that he or she will say something boring then it will be hard to pay attention.

Also, if you really listen then that alone will often provide you naturally with a better and more genuine answer than the clever response thought up while trying to listen simultaneously.

2. Take the first step.

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”

The thing is if two people or more are waiting for someone else to take the first step then that step may never be taken. Or you may at least have to wait for a very long time.

If you after some time realize that, like in this example, you couldn’t trust the person then at least you have learned that.

By not taking the first step you’ll perhaps never know. So instead of waiting around and trying to figure things out just take first steps of different kinds in interactions. Be proactive.

3. Keep your eyes on where you are going.

“Never mistake motion for action.”

It’s very easy to get lost in busy work. You may spend much time in your in-box or filing and organizing things. But at the end of the day or week, what have you accomplished?

Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean that you are moving in the direction you really want to go.

To do that you have to do the things that you know are really important and in alignment with your goals. And not getting lost in busy work.

So, improve your effectiveness and productivity.

But, more importantly, never lose your view of your big picture. And take the action and do the things you need to do to get yourself where you want to go.

4. Just do.

“The shortest answer is doing the thing.”

How do you get things done? You take action and do them.

You may need to do some planning, but don’t get lost in that stage or in over thinking things. Planning or thinking won’t get you any results in real-life if you don’t take action too.

So take action and just try something.

Maybe you’ll succeed. Maybe you’ll fail, but if you do then failure can always teach you a bunch of things.

The worst thing is not failure, it’s to just sit on your hands and do nothing.

Developing a “just do it” habit – where you learn to do what you know you want to do despite how you feel or what your thoughts are telling you at the moment – can be difficult.

But it’s rewarding not only because you’ll get actual results and – sooner or later – success. It also builds real confidence in yourself, in your capabilities and in your own personal power to achieve what you want in life.

5. Do. Fail. Learn. Do.

“The first draft of anything is shit.”

So you have to keep your eyes on where you are going and do the right things to get yourself there. However, you will not always get what you want on your first try.

No worries though, if you have the right attitude.

What attitude is that?

The attitude of the much younger you.

The kid who learned to walk and ride a bike. A younger you that doesn’t put so much value into a failure. But instead just gets up after falling down, learns a lesson or two from what happened and then tries again.

And again.

By cultivating that way of thinking about failure – instead of the more usual, more grown up one where you may think that the world will come to an end just because you failed – you can over time achieve some pretty awesome things.

6. Find strength through your tough times.

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

This is a really interesting point.

Because it’s really easy to let yourself fall into a frame of mind where you think that no-one has had it worse than you and that this and this happened and that’s why you are like you are. And of course, some people have had a much worse time than others.

But I think it’s easy to let yourself fall into a kind of victim thinking where you let your troubles in the past act as reasons why you can’t do something now. But one must remember: that is the past.

And people’s problems are rarely as unique as we may think. Everyone has had bad stuff happen to them. People may not talk about it and you may assume that it’s just you that has have these bad experiences.

But as Hemingway says, everyone has been broken in a kind of way throughout their life. It’s kinda unavoidable.

But the question is what you do now.

Do you let those old things hold you back and allow them help the ego to build an even stronger victim identity?

Or can you let them go and live in the present – as the person you are now rather than who you were – with plans for the future?

Everyone has to handle such a thing in their own way. But it is up to just one person to decide on how handle it. And that’s you.

7. Don’t get hung up on the small things in life.

“The man who has begun to live more seriously within begins to live more simply without.”

When you start to take life more seriously you may realize that you can let a whole lot of things just go.

You don’t have the patience, time or energy to worry about the small and petty things anymore. You don’t get wrapped up in things that are totally unimportant.

You start simplifying your life because you realize that your time isn’t unlimited. You remove a lot of the less important things to have more time and energy for the really exciting and important stuff.

Have a look at what’s really important in your life. If you are unsure about if it’s really important, try asking yourself:

Will this matter 5 years from now?

Then simplify, simplify, simplify. You may be surprised at how much kinda unimportant important stuff that there is in your mind and life.

You may also feel lighter after having done some decluttering because you are no longer bogged down by boatloads of stuff that you have now realized is pretty irrelevant.

8. Don’t let your imagination hold you back.

“Cowardice … is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination.”

Your imagination can really play tricks on you. By thinking about something over and over you and your imagination can come up the most elaborate and horrifying ways things can go wrong.

But if/when you finally take action and do what you wanted to do it may be a little anticlimactic.

Even if you fail and things don’t work out the way you hoped for you may think to yourself:

Is this it?!

There are no monsters under your bed. And the monsters and disaster scenarios you construct in your mind rarely come into life.

Now, some situations may actually be quite scary and create a lot of pressure within.

The best way that I have found to deal with those situations is to reconnect with the present. When you are present you are just focused on what is happening right now. As Hemingway says, you are suspending the functioning of your imagination because your mind is no longer lost in possible future scenarios.

Check out Eckhart Tolle’s books The Power of Now and A New Earth plus this article of mine for tips on how develop the habit of being able to step into the now. It can allow you to find a stillness and peace within despite calamity outside of you.

9. Don’t judge.

“The writer’s job is not to judge, but to seek to understand.”

I think this is not just a great piece of advice for writers but for anyone really. Seeking to understand rather than judging is hard but is something that can help you and the people around you a great deal.

And this also goes back to the first tip, the one about listening. To be a good listener you must have the intent to understand the other person rather than judging him/her.

Instead of going into interactions or just life with a bunch of judgments that you apply on everything and everyone try acceptance. This is not easy if you are used to making judgments about everything.

And the thing is, by making a judgment you can often strengthen you ego. You get a small ego boost and you feel good for a while. But just like with caffeine this wears off pretty quickly and you soon need to judge again to feel good.

Accepting may not feel so appealing or “normal” but I have found that when I just accept things I feel a relief and stillness inside. You just feel good. I’m still working on this though.

Accepting someone’s opinion doesn’t mean that you surrender and let them “win”. Nor does it mean that you need to just sit back and cannot take any action.

You can accept and still take action to change something if that is what you’d like to do. Accepting just means that you let that person think and feels as s/he likes without judging it. When you just accept and let your judgments rest it’s easier to really understand each other and connect.