“Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath.  Today, we are a pious and exemplary community.  Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.”
Mark Twain

Mark Twain was right about the problem with the New Year’s Resolutions. Most of them are forgotten or abandoned and then we are on the old trampled and familiar paths a month later. But how can we avoid it and actually make lasting changes in 2009?

Here are seven common mistakes when trying to keep New Year’s resolutions. And some thoughts on how you can solve each of those problems.

1. You don’t really want it that much.

It’s easy to tipsily declare your New Year’s resolution for 2009 when you got a glass of champagne in your hand. But do actually want it?

Maybe you don’t really want it that much. But the world around seems to want it. This doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve it. But it might be better to focus on what YOU really want. Both to steer your life in the direction you yourself want and to create positive internal motivation instead of external pressure you feel you should live up to.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t use looking good at the beach as one motivation to get in shape. But do it because you want to look good. Not mainly because you want other people to validate you.

How do you find out what you really want to do? By thinking and by experimenting and just trying things out (the image you have of something in your head can be very different from the actual experience). Get to know what you really want in your life.

When you have figured out what you really want take out a pen and piece of paper. Write down all the reasons why you want to achieve this.

You can use this paper later on to solve some the other problems that may pop up.

2. You confuse homeostasis with “time to give up”.

One problem with sticking with your resolution is homeostasis. What that means is that any system wants to be stable. That goes for you. And for the people around you.

So after the initial enthusiasm wanes it may not feel as that much fun anymore. It’s sort of enthusiasm backlash. This is the homeostasis kicking in within your mind (no matter if the goal/habit etc. is actually very positive for you). It’s a resistance to change to keep the system (you) stable. If you are simply aware of this being what it is – rather than a signal to give up – you can persevere, be patient and keep going more easily.

You should also be aware that the homeostasis may appear in the people around you too. Sure, you getting shape might be great. But it means changes in the lives of the people around you too (perhaps new food and nights spent running instead of watching TV with the family etc.). So the people around may react negatively in some way. Realize that it is the homeostasis in them, not that they are being mean. It’s their brains doing what’s natural to keep the system (the family, circle of friends etc.) stable when “scary change” intrudes.

3. You don’t know how to handle your bad days.

We all have bad days, days when we don’t feel like doing anything about our resolutions. That’s normal.

But it can be dangerous to just go with how you feel and think on those days. It can lead to more days with nothing getting done. So you have to help yourself to keep moving on those days too to be consistent and stick with establishing your new habit. You can do this in a couple of ways.

• Pump up your enthusiasm/motivation. There are many ways to temporarily pump up your emotions for a short while. Two of my favourite ways is to act myself in to an enthusiastic state of mind and to get an enthusiastic vibe from other people (in person or via CDs/DVDs). One great way to remind yourself why you are doing all this hard work is to pull out your piece of paper from tip # 1 and review it. This might be what you need to feel better for the moment and be able to take action again.
• Acceptance. On some days those things won’t work. Then it might be better to go for just accepting how you feel. By accepting you stop resisting, for instance, going to the gym. Your focus is now on acceptance and you are no longer feeding more energy into the resistance and making it stronger. Most of the time your negative feelings will lose so much power when you are in an accepting frame of mind that after a while going to the gym doesn’t feel like such a burden anymore.
• Just do it. So you can’t get acceptance to work either? Well, you are still in control. Your emotions or thoughts are not in control. So just get up off the couch and do what you know is the right thing despite how you feel right now. Just go and do it and soon – as you start doing – you’ll feel better again.

4. You’re not changing your environment to suit you.

I think this is an important and sometimes overlooked point. To be able to change you may have to change parts of your daily environment to better support you when establishing your new habit.

• Make it easy. The weather can be pretty bad this time of year. So it becomes very easy to rationalize to yourself that you don’t have to go to the gym because of the snow or rain. So make it easier. Buy some free weights and/or an exercise bike and work out from home. This can really help you to improve your consistency.
• Make it fun. You don’t have to go running if you never really liked it. You can play soccer if you think that is more fun. Try different activities to find what fits you. And find a workout partner if you think that will help you to get things done (and have more fun).
• Remind yourself. You memory is often not that good when you are doing something new, at least for the first month. So put a reminder on the fridge to work out after supper. Put out your training clothes and running shoes so you notice them (instead of having them tucked away in the closet where you forget about them). You may even want to put up your note with all the reasons for sticking with your resolution by your bathroom mirror to get a motivational boost at the start of each day.
• Remove easy availability. If you are going to eat healthier this year then one simple but effective tip is simply to remove the easy availability. So toss out all the cookies and then fill up that vacuum in your life by filling your cupboard and fridge with healthier snacks like fruit and nuts.

5. You don’t have a realistic plan and expectations.

It’s easy to get caught up in the enthusiasm and think your resolution will be taken care of within a few weeks. In reality, however, things tend to take longer than we may have hoped for. Especially if you haven’t done anything similar before and lack actual experience to draw understanding from.

To make a realistic plan you need to educate yourself. Not just draw up some random plan. Have a look at some well respected books ­- for instance by checking the Amazon rating/reviews for them – and websites on the topic you’re interested in. Talk and listen to people who have actually done what you want to do.

I would also recommend focusing on making the activity the goal, not the result. If you focus on losing 20 pound and misjudge the time and effort it will take to do that then it’s very easy to become disheartened and give up.

So focus on the process, focus on – for instance – working out 3 times a week instead. Make that your habit and adjust the difficulty along the way. You should still have your goal of losing those pounds in your mind and measure from time to time. But keep your main focus on just going to the gym or running track consistently, week in and week out. The pounds will come off as a side effect of that habit.

With a realistic plan where you focus on consistent action it become easier to be more patient. And also not to give up when you are faced with homeostasis or the inevitable mistakes and temporary failures along the way.

6. You’re focusing on too many resolutions at once.

If you have too many goals, to many habits to implement directly at the start of 2009 it may wind up in little being established as a natural part of your life two months later.

Enthusiasm is great. But it can make you so unfocused that you just bounce around like Tigger. Or drain you after a while as you try to create too many new habits at once. Especially if you are not used to it. Or in great shape energy wise (keep an eye on what you eat, how much you sleep and the exercise you get).

It may be better to just focus on your most important habit/resolution for January. It will be less of a drain on energy and focus. And you still have 11 more months to establish other habits you want to incorporate into your life.

This may sound like a slow and boring way of going about things. But it’s whole lot better – and more effective – than becoming fatigued, feeling down on yourself for not being able to keep up with all your resolutions and finally giving up completely.

7. You let temporary failure or mistakes lead to giving up completely.

I failed and gave up three or four times before I could establish a habit of working out three times a week. I think read that Steve Pavlina failed four times before he was able to switch to a raw diet and finally stick to it. And Edison failed several thousands of times before he got the light bulb to work as he wanted.

So you got to understand that failure is normal. And the best route is to keep going and gain understanding from your failures or mistakes. Social conditioning and homeostasis often seems to lead us to believe that if you fail you should go home and not ever try again.

But the most successful people are so successful just because they failed, learned and tried again. And again. Because they viewed failure and mistakes as something valuable and pretty positive instead of something dreadful and painful.

2009 will pass no matter what you do. You will arrive at New Year’s Eve this year too.

So if your fail or make some mistakes, so what? Since the time will pass no matter what you do you might as well try again. By doing that you can make 2009 your best year ever.

I used to be very Tigger-like. I’d get a new idea in my head and it would be the answer to all my ills and BOING! off I’d bounce – until I realized that I really didn’t like the idea at all. So, I’d get a new idea into my head and declare to the whole world: “This is what makes me happy!” until I’d figure out that no, that wasn’t it either.

Like many people I would apply a trial and error method to finding happiness. I never took the time to figure out what would make happy and I ended up wasting a lot of time and energy as well as delaying happiness.

For those who don’t know Tigger, in Chapter Two of the House at Pooh Corner, he arrives in the Hundred Acre Woods. He’s a bouncy fellow, declaring loudly that when it comes to food he likes everything, that is until he starts tasting things and realizes that in actual fact, he likes very few things. Fortunately he figures it out before lunch time.

Many times, trial and error is a perfectly good method – it allows for a wide variety of experiences, and if you learn from each trial, the errors will get fewer and fewer until you’ve found what really makes you happy.

But what if you never do? What if you spend your whole life going from the last error to the next trial? Wouldn’t it be better to harness the energy and enthusiasm in a way that brings happiness to your life sooner?

Here are nine steps you can take to do just that:

1. Stop bouncing about. Many people dash around (literally and figuratively) because they don’t want to face what they’d see if they were to slow down. If you’re bouncing from one action, thought or emotion to the next, you can’t really know what’s going on inside and what you really want.
2. Extract happinesses from your past. Now that you’ve calm the bounce, look back at all the things you’ve done in your life, professionally and personally. Look for the things that made you the most happy. Make note of them.
3. Find a pattern. When you look at the list, do you notice any similarities? Sometimes a pattern is obvious, but sometimes, it’s subtle. Really examine your past happinesses and try to find common themes that run through them.
4. Get advice from others. Yes, many people will tell you what would make them happy or what they think would make you happy based on potentially unreal expectations. At the same time, however, the people closest to you might notice things about yourself that you’ve kept hidden. They’re not inside your head, so they might be able to suggest some ways of finding happiness that you’ve never thought about. This is why coaching is such a growing industry.
5. Brainstorm some wild ideas. Now that you have a calm foundation, it’s time to let the bounce free. Get a white board, a large piece of paper – anything that’s not a normal sized paper or computer screen – and brainstorm. Come up with wild ideas that you’d never ever do, but would thrill you to follow through on.
6. Make a list. Go back through your three types of ideas-gathering (mining the past, advice, and brainstorming) and make a single list of all the possible ways that you could find happiness. This might seem like drudgery; it’s the least bouncy part of the process, especially if an idea from one of the sessions has your feet itchy to start bouncing off in pursuit. But resist the bounce. This step is very important if you’re going to avoid another series of fruitless trials and errors.
7. Mentally try out each idea. Don’t get too detailed with picturing pursuing each idea as you don’t want to fall in love with every possibility, but imagine yourself during the process of achieving the dream and in succeeding. Especially take note of the emotions each idea provokes.
8. Pick the one that scares you the most. Seriously. Know that thing that makes you shiver? That thing that makes you want to run away and be as scared as Piglet with a woozle? That’s your happiness. It scares you because it challenges you to succeed and to make big changes in your life and change is always a scary thing.
9. Turn on the bounce and off you go! Now’s the time to set your energy loose. You have a good idea of what will make you happy and you’ve found it without wasting any energy or time. And instead of running away from the fear, embrace it and let it power your bounces so that you go higher, farther and faster towards your dream.

Alex Fayle is a former procrastinator who uses his visionary ability to uncover hidden patterns and help people break the procrastination obstacle so they can finally find freedom and start living the life they desire.

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.”

One of my favourite personal development people is the psychologist Wayne Dyer.

He seems to be a very warm person but he also someone who takes a lot personal responsibility and is assertive.

This is reflected in his work. He’s kind but he’s not here just to make you feel good. Through a no-nonsense approach he makes you realize obvious – but sometimes uncomfortable – things about how pretty much all of this is up to you. And how many things are quite simple but you are standing in your own way and overcomplicating it all.

Dr. Dyer’s advice can be applied to just about any part of life. Today I’d like to take a few of his thoughts and see how they can help you improve your social life. If you would like to read more from Wayne Dyer then two really solid books to start with are Pulling Your Own Strings and Your Erroneous Zones.

1. Your relationships are in your mind.

“As you think so shall you be! Since you cannot physically experience another person, you can only experience them in your mind. Conclusion: All of the other people in your life are simply thoughts in your mind. Not physical beings to you, but thoughts. Your relationships are all in how you think about the other people of your life. Your experience of all those people is only in your mind. Your feelings about your lovers come from your thoughts. For example, they may in fact behave in ways that you find offensive. However, your relationship to them when they behave offensively is not determined by their behavior, it is determined only by how you choose to relate to that behavior. Their actions are theirs, you cannot own them, you cannot be them, you can only process them in your mind.”

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

How you choose to interpret people and your relationships makes a huge difference. So much of our relationships may be perceived to happen out there somewhere.

But your underlying frame of mind – for instance an open one or a protective and closed up one – will determine much about your interactions with new people and people you know.

So you really have to go inside. You have to realize that your interpretations from the past are interpretations. Not reality. You have to take a look at your assumptions and expectations and thought habits. Find patterns that may be hurting you (and others). This isn’t easy. Or always pleasant. You may discover that you have had some negative underlying habits of thought for many years.

But to change you have to do it. Instead of just keep looking at yourself as some sort of unmoving and objective observer of the world and reality. A change in you could – over time – change your whole world.

2. Let go of the need for approval.

“People who want the most approval get the least and the people who need approval the least get the most.”

A lot of the actions you take – or do not take – may be because you need approval from other people. When we are young we get grades in school that tells us that we are “good”. This makes it very easy to create a life where you always go looking for the world to give you the next hit of approval. It may be from your family, boss, friends, co-workers and so on.

But this need creates neediness. And the stronger the need the stronger the neediness. And so other people will sense this. And approval may be withheld or used to manipulate you. Or they may just not like your neediness.

The people on the other hand that does not care that much about getting approval often do more of what they want deep inside. They may be considered courageous for instance. So the way they live their lives will gain appreciation and approval from the people around them. It’s a bit counterintuitive.

But it seems to me like this is how things work. If you really want approval in your life try letting go of that need – as best as you can of course, this is not easy – for a while. See what happens. You’ll probably be surprised by how much better you feel inside and the reactions you may get from the outside world.

3. Let go of judgement.

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

“Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.”

“Judgement prevents us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.”

Judging can have a sense of fun to it and make you feel better about yourself as you put someone else down. So why give it up? Here are three reasons:

• People don’t like judgemental people. People don’t like to be judged. So there will be a resistance towards someone who is judgemental.
• Waste of time. You can spend your time doing more fun, constructive and positive things.
• The more you judge people, the more judge yourself. What you see in other people is often what you see in yourself. So if you judge them all the time for their looks or intelligence then you probably judge yourself often about these things too. To let go of judging others can lead you to letting go of judging yourself too. As you lift the limitations you put on others, you lift the limitations you put on yourself.

4. Enjoy the moment.

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.”

One technique that can help you improve your social skills is assuming rapport.

Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?” you take different approach. You assume that you and the person(s) will establish a good connection (rapport).

How do you do that? You simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.

But why does it work? Well, I’d say it works because it puts you in the same mental state as when you are with your friends. When you’re with your friends you are relaxed, positive, in the present moment and without many cares in the world. This is a great place to be socially. You are just enjoying yourself and your moments with your friends without much thought of the past or future. You are just there. The more you can bring yourself into this mental headspace the more fun you will have with people. And the more fun they will have with you.

So try out assuming rapport. And explore other ways to bring yourself back into the present moment through articles like this one or by checking out Eckhart Tolle’s books (two good are A New Earth and Stillness Speaks).

5. People like positive people.

“Unhappiness is within.”

“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.”

Now we are back in the same territory as in the first tip in this article. How you feel is up to you. You control you.

This is important to understand to be able to create and keep a more stable positive attitude. If you let what other people do control – or at least control you too much – then you are on a mental rollercoaster where your thoughts and feelings go up and down all the time. You have to look within to find a great stability to how you think and feel.

I’d say that one of the most attractive qualities a person can have is a positive attitude and energy. It is attractive to people at your job/school, family, friends or just that cute girl/guy in the bar. I think that one of the big things people want in any relationships is positive emotions. People simply want to create a flow back and forth with people where all of you exchange positive emotions and feel good.

Building yourself a more positive attitude will of course not only make you more likeable. It can also improve every other part of your life.

6. You teach them.

“Maxim for life: You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.”

This is a very important point and something I think is perhaps often missed by people who want to improve their social lives and make it more positive. They may think “well, I have been so nice towards everyone for the last few months but it doesn’t seem to have changed their behaviour towards me much”.

This is the “nice guy/girl” problem. S/he is very nice but there is no assertiveness. There is no changed feeling within about how you feel you deserve to be treated. You may still be nice just to get approval from other people. You feel the craving need. And as point # 2 explains, you won’t get the approval.

We do to a large extent choose how we want to be treated. How you expect people to treat you can have a big effect on how you allow yourself to act and how people around you view and treat you. If you start creating a role for yourself where you always let people do what they want to you then you may create some pretty destructive and negative things.

You may create an identity for yourself where you get used to always taking whatever anyone doles out. You create a kind of victim identity where you may look happy on the outside but don’t feel so good on the inside. But since you have gotten used to it after a while you may accept it and think that: this is just who I am.

You may create a concept in the minds of the people around you that it’s OK to treat you this way. Either because you seem so positive despite what they are doing so they think it’s OK. Or just because you aren’t saying no and some people may take advantage of that.

Look, you can’t please everyone. I think both Eleanor Roosevelt and Buddha have mentioned something along the lines that whatever you do there will always be people who don’t like what you are doing. And that’s OK. That’s normal.

Going around trying to please everyone at your own expense isn’t healthy though. Or even a realistic thing to attempt. It eats away at you both mentally and physically.

So be nice. Be positive. But make sure you set your own standards, rules and limits too. And remember that you might as well do what you want because there will always be critics.

7. Take responsibility for your social life.

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”

I really like this quote from Nathaniel Branden’s excellent The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: “No one is coming”.

You can look for the next big thing that will fix you. Read more blog articles. Read more personal development books. Look for people to help. And yes, some articles or books or people will give you insights that resonate deeply with you. But in the end, if you are an adult then no one is coming. No one is coming to save you. You have to take responsibility for your own life and what happens in it. Other things and people can certainly aid you quite a bit. But you are responsible.

You can go around blaming society or some people for your problems in your social life (or finances or health). You can always find scapegoats to judge and thought that feel better about yourself. For a while. You can look for people that will “fix you”. You can do this for the rest of your life if you like. It won’t change much. Whatever has to be done, it’s you who have to take responsibility and do it.

Yeah, things might always not go your way and you will probably have bad luck from time to time. But you still have to focus on yourself and doing what you can do in whatever situation may arise in the outside world.

8. Like yourself.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”

Liking yourself is vital to live a happy life. If you like yourself people will of course like hanging out with your more too. A person who likes him/herself, who is positive but also assertive is a lot better than the opposite.

Obvious, yes but the hard thing is how to go about liking yourself more. This is a topic that has filled many books but here are few tips that have helped me.

• Follow the rest of tips above. For example, taking more personal responsibility, working on your attitude and being more assertive consistently will make you feel better about yourself.
• Do the right thing as much as you can. When you do the right thing you lift your own self-esteem. When you don’t do the right thing you tend to stay at the same self-esteem level that you are at the moment (or perhaps even lower it).
• Be appreciative of yourself, don’t just look at your flaws. By appreciating the positive and good things that you think and do you can replace the need for approval from outside sources. You are giving yourself approval instead. This is a lot better than the alternative, because this is an unlimited source that you are in control of.

“Journal writing is a voyage to the interior”
Christina Baldwin

One of the most powerful tools to aid your own personal growth is keeping a journal.

I prefer to do this on my computer and use the Journal by David RM (45 day free demo, 39.95 dollars to buy). It’s easy to use, a simple layout and it also has password protection. You may prefer some kind of the dead tree variety or another program. I prefer the software option. When I have all my thoughts in one piece of software instead of a handful of large notebooks it becomes easier to make connections and find what you are looking for in your archives.

But why is it helpful to take the time to use a journal in the first place? Here are five of my top reasons.

• Increased clarity when solving problems. You can’t hold that many thoughts in your head at once. If you want to solve a problem it can be helpful to write down your thoughts, facts and feelings about it. Then you don’t have to worry your mind about remembering, you can instead use it to think more clearly. Thinking on paper makes it easier to think things through, find valuable details and weak spots in your current problems. This makes it easier find useful solutions to your challenges.
• To remember important events and insights in life. Just recording the important things that happens in your everyday life is fun and fascinating. Or sometimes painful and revealing. If you don’t write it down then the details, the nuances, the emotions may lose some of their power or simply wind up lost forever somewhere in your brain.
• To talk it out with someone. A journal can be good place to vent and unburden yourself. A place to unload mental RAM and get some emotional release. Your journal can be like a conversation partner that you can talk things through with. This might sound silly but this can be very beneficial. It is, in my opinion, one of the most important reasons to keep a journal. If you do it you may find that you become more relaxed and feel lighter after getting things out and down on paper.
• To bring thoughts into reality. If you don’t write things down it can seem as they are not quite real. When you write them down you bring them out into reality. They are not just some vague thoughts floating around in your mind anymore. For example, one thing a lot of very successful self improvement writers – Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Zig Ziglar and so on – go on and on about is the importance of having written goals. A written goal brings clarity and focus. It gives you a direction. And if you rewrite your goals over and over you not only reaffirm what your goals are. You may also find new insights that bring more clarity and focus to your goals and life.
• An overview of how things really are. You can use a journal as a way to keep an overview of your thinking over a longer time span and to recognize both positives and negatives in yourself. You may, for example, think of yourself as a healthy person but realise when you read through your journal that you have only been out running four times this month. Or feel like you have a positive attitude, but as you go back over the last few months find a lot of whining and victim thinking. You may also find positive surprises about yourself while rereading and analyzing. The journal allows you to see how things really are. Rather than the way you think they are.

How to Use Your Journal.

Here are a few quick tips that have helped me to use my journal in better way.

Write down your memories while they are fresh.

If something interesting happens I write it down as an entry for that day in my journal. Details and emotions will start to degrade so capture them quickly.

Think about how you want to use it.

The Journal software has more than a space for an entry each day. You can also create entries in a notebook section. I use a few of these to aid my personal growth. The most important is the one I call “Sticking Points”. There I write down problems that come up for me personally time after time. And then I try to come up with solutions.

One example would be that I some days can fall into the pattern being pretty unproductive. The solution I use for this is to set the context for my day quickly after I wake up. I do something important early on in the day and then it becomes more natural to be consistent with that mental state for the rest of the day. And so that day becomes a lot more productive than it would have been otherwise.

Think about in what ways you want to use your own journal. Perhaps your want to use it to analyze your personal finances. Or your relationships to other people. Or to document what you are eating on a day to day basis. Find out what you want answers for.

Actually use it.

You get good stuff out of your journal based on what you put in it. So set off some time, perhaps 5 minutes before going to bed. Or 10 minutes every Sunday night to review your week and write down what happened, what you thought and felt and problems and positive things you discovered. Not matter how you want to use it, use common sense so you don’t fill your journal with every little detail of your life. Or wind up leaving it unused after the first week of initial enthusiasm.

Actually review it.

Remember to go through your archives on a regular basis to explore yourself and also other people more deeply. And to find patterns in your world, self-talk, attitude and in other vital parts of life.

What are your best tips for using your journal in a more helpful way?

One of the hardest things to do in life is to do the right thing. What you think is the right thing. Not what you friends, family, teachers, boss and society thinks is the right thing.

What is the right thing? That’s up to you to decide. Often you have a little voice in your head that tells what the right thing is. Or a gut feeling.

It might tell you to get up from the couch, stop eating those snacks and go to the gym instead. Sometimes you will put on your exercise clothes and go. Sometimes you will not.

It might tell you to stop sulking and feeling like a victim with everything against you and instead look at the opportunities and take action. Sometimes you will. Sometimes you will not.

Now, why should you do the right thing? Here are three excellent reasons:

1. You tend to get what you give.

By doing the right thing you tend to get the same things back. Give value to people, help them and they will often want to help you and give you value in some form. Not everyone will do it but many will. Not always right away but somewhere down the line. Things tend to even out. Do the right thing, put in the extra effort and you tend to get good stuff back. Don’t do it and you tend to get less good stuff back from the world.

2. To raise your self-esteem.

This is a really important point. When you don’t do the right thing you are not only sending out signals out into your world. You are also sending signals to yourself. When you don’t do the right thing you don’t feel good about yourself. You may experience emptiness or get stuck in negative thought loops. Its like you are letting yourself down. You are telling yourself that you cant handle doing the right thing. To not do the right thing is a bit like punching yourself in the stomach.

3. To avoid self-sabotage.

A powerful side effect of not doing the right thing is that you give yourself a lack of deservedness. This can really screw up you and your success. If you don’t do the right thing in your life then you won’t feel like you deserve the success that you may be on your way towards or experiencing right now. So you start to self-sabotage, perhaps deliberately or through unconscious thoughts.

If you on some level don’t think that you are a person who deserves the success you want then you will probably find a way to sabotage that success. You may rationalize it as being about something else or what someone else did. But oftentimes it’s just you standing in your own way. By doing the right thing your can raise your self-esteem and feel like a person who deserves his/her success.

How to do it

Here are a few suggestions that can hopefully help you to do the right thing more often.

Review the reasons why you are doing it.

Whenever you feel unsure about doing the right thing remind yourself of the powerful reasons above (or any other that you can come up with). They might give you that extra push of motivation you need to spring into action.

Go for improvement. Not perfection.

I’m not saying you will do the right thing all the time. I certainly don’t. But I’m saying that we can strive for gradual improvement. If you for instance do the right thing 10 percent of the time right now then try to doing it 20 percent of the time. And then 30 percent. Or you can try to do the right thing at as many opportunities as you find this week. Try some stuff and see works best for you.

My point is just to not get stuck in thinking about perfection or being some kind of saint. This can paralyse you from taking any action at all. Or leave you with negative feelings despite doing the right thing many, many times (since you are still not feeling like you are not quite perfect).

If you seldom do what you feel/think is the right thing now then you will probably not be able to change this completely over the weekend. It might take some time.

Just do it.

The more you think about these things, the more often you tend to come up with reasons to not do it. You need to think but not over think since that often traps you in analysis paralysis. To raise your self-esteem and get a spiral of positive action spinning in your world and with the people around you need to start moving and take action.

Taking the route of doing the right thing takes more effort and can be more painful. It’s often seemingly the harder thing to do.

But when you understand how you are hurting yourself it gets a lot harder to just avoid doing the right thing. The perceived advantages of not doing the right thing – such as it being easier — tend to lose their power and are replaced with a more clearer understanding of what you are doing to yourself and others.

Taking this – perhaps a little less travelled – path is a lot more rewarding than taking the easy way out. Both for you and for the world around you.