18 Ways to Improve Your Body Language

by Henrik Edberg

There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.

You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep your head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap your neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget and try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink. Don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue. :)

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.





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{ 305 comments }

AMIT August 7, 2009 at 11:41 am

Great tips …..definately it will wrk in my improvement of BL

Thanks

Anonymous August 26, 2009 at 11:17 am

Right. Reading through these reminds me of many people where some of this comes naturally.

Or does it?

Nicky. August 30, 2009 at 4:10 am

Hey,

these are some great pointers.

Keep em coming, they help a lot.

nona September 1, 2009 at 12:45 pm

it’ts very very great article
it benfit me more
thank you very much

Nikhil September 5, 2009 at 10:13 am

I learned a lot of things
It is very much interesting !

fi September 18, 2009 at 8:18 pm

i thnk its gud advices enough
it may help people a lot

kiran September 20, 2009 at 7:00 pm

Really good here this and i will try for the results soon.Thanks a lot for this nice stuff

Priyanka September 20, 2009 at 8:44 pm

Very good Article….Keep uploading more tips….

Thanks

richa September 24, 2009 at 11:40 am

very nice article… its gonna help me a lot and i m sure many others too……

naga October 8, 2009 at 8:48 pm

fantastic one! I really like it! You improved my BL

Shashi October 27, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Good one… Knowledgeable.

I have also written something on body language. check it out here:
http://dondonts.blogspot.com/

Looking forward for ur comments

Sachin Kumar Gautam October 28, 2009 at 10:33 am

i hv a bad habit to temper.
how can i improve my problem
plz give me any solution

LOOSER October 31, 2009 at 8:26 am

Its a great article.
thanks…
if in my front any beautiful lady…
then how i control myself
and which body language I should perform.

Anonymous May 8, 2010 at 1:52 pm

control u r self

Ted November 4, 2009 at 9:44 pm

These are great hints for people to learn from. Simple things make a difference.

Here is something i have done on body language and i have just started http://thesuccessfulmale.blogspot.com/.

Hope to hear the feedback.
Thanks.

rana November 16, 2009 at 6:23 pm

it is a beautiful subject
nice.. greatt boooooooooooooss…

Anonymous December 31, 2009 at 8:04 am

i realized more from this article

ujwala December 12, 2009 at 11:02 am

Tips r really helpful..
i’ll defenitely try those…

Raghu December 15, 2009 at 9:02 am

The Tips”s Are Very Useful to Us to Develop the BL and Live in Citys,
I Difenitely Try,

mAnZiL sHrEsThA December 25, 2009 at 12:14 pm

Thanks a lot !!

anandh February 9, 2010 at 4:25 pm

super very well

Ahmed February 21, 2010 at 9:03 pm

so nice article … thanks very much

but i think it help us to be not honest with others .. just apersonal opinion

but really i love it

prithika February 27, 2010 at 8:52 am

it’s like a mom’s advice wit concern ! thanq !

Shreyas February 28, 2010 at 11:33 am

awesome..

thnx a lot..

it helped me a LOT..

avinash March 2, 2010 at 9:16 pm

its good atticle. thanks…..

i March 26, 2010 at 12:35 am

haha whoops is this for guys? it seems like it..:P its still good though eitherr way lol!!:)

bramhaiah March 27, 2010 at 9:48 am

these tips are very useful to improve any person bodylanguage……………………………
thans bye………..

arbaaz March 31, 2010 at 4:49 pm

dude these tips just rock….keep up the good work

Jennifer April 6, 2010 at 3:04 pm

I am jenny,people say iam quite base on the way i walk and behave, pls how do i change it

Christa April 20, 2010 at 1:59 pm

When I was looking for “improve your body”, I was awaiting workout tips, but now after having read this articles: We should be conscious of our body language, if we want to attract anyone or anything. Thank you for reminder.

asjad April 22, 2010 at 8:16 am

Its a beautiful and nice article. It is the begining for any one to be confident and successful in conversation.
The people who really understand will appreciate. Its positive one.
Thankssssssssssssss!!!!!!!

aaa April 30, 2010 at 6:01 pm

Hello
I’m training on this programm:

http://www.youcanbetteryourbody.com

and have good results.

bandana June 1, 2010 at 1:45 pm

what i learn from this is that any body can ventilate his /her views to any body in a lucid manner with in a lesser time .
thanks
bandana

v.swathi May 8, 2010 at 1:56 pm

it’s very helpful for me.thanks

Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 12:09 pm

i’ll try ma best

G M B May 13, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Greatt! U ve just got me set to interact more effectively 10x

Windows Tips and Tricks June 8, 2010 at 4:41 pm

It is definitely a very nice article… its gonna help a lot of people.

parthasarathy June 16, 2010 at 1:43 am

I am a reader of DESMOND MORRIS … i like good articles .. it was really nice reading your article …. i really appreciate your effort… keep doing good . My wishes…

regards
parthasarathy

Elena June 16, 2010 at 6:55 am

Seems like common sense, but really I needed someone to tell me these things. Once you learn about power of eye contact for example, it is tempting to stare… lol Thank you, very useful!

goutam June 27, 2010 at 8:38 pm

i am really happy, after reading this tips.its very much healpful me.i ll apply tomorrow in my presentation.

navneet July 4, 2010 at 10:03 am

iam realy happy these 18 steps are work properly iam happy to see my self in a new way
thanks

Dominic Harper July 17, 2010 at 5:59 pm

Hey! :)
Thank you very much for this post.
You really make some very important points and I am surely coming back to read more of your posts.
Body Language is an important subject, especially in our work life.
I just started my own blog about it this week. It just has one post so far, but I am working on it…
All the best, Dominic

Rob July 19, 2010 at 7:58 pm

Hi Henrik,
I love your blog and your writing style… nice work. I agree with your blog about the importance of how you feel and your posture… the body/mind connection is so obvious to see. The only problem with trying to change your physical movements is that it creates subconscious tension within the body as this is your bodies optimum posture.
I have developed a system to subconsciously change your “Dynamic Body Language” that the body accepts within seconds and holds forever.
I have a free video and report here if your interested
http://www.CodeOfTheNatural.com

best regards
Rob

shalu July 23, 2010 at 6:34 am

i lke so much and it was bid encurge 4r me…and i wll impve also…………….thank you/

suresh July 24, 2010 at 4:54 am

this wat iam looking for….. thnq soooo much

ajinkya July 26, 2010 at 6:57 pm

nice.vry nice. quite interesting.simple yet so unique tips

chakravarthy August 1, 2010 at 2:24 pm

its nice…………….i hav to try tis!!!!!!!!!

Sean Durham August 14, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Really good points to follow, I think “eye contact” and “mirroring” are two of the most powerful ways to enhance your body-language.
keeping a strong eye contact during conversation is a very natural way of showing great interest in what the other person is saying – it’s when we are not talking and somebody stares that it becomes creepy!
Mirroring is a very natural body language that we all use and learn to some extent throughout life. It helps us fit-in with the group and elicits trust from the person we are communicating with.
Most animal groups Mirror, it’s how they form groups partly. We do it and the results are sometimes quite astonishing. Mirroring creates rapport and therefore more trust.
Good post,interesting stuff ,thanks Henrik.

life coaching in manchester August 19, 2010 at 4:19 pm

great article – Mirroring works well in a job interview

organic green August 20, 2010 at 11:40 pm

When you visualize the kinds of interactions you want and then remain open to having them anywhere you go (you can be open by acknowledging the presence of others around you and have the intent to be kind)…you, also, become more aware and notice opportunities for further contact (using the tips above like eye contact, casual conversation, etc).

Harish August 21, 2010 at 7:56 pm

The tips are really great … I Hope I’ll definitely implement some of the tips.. Very helpful.. Thanks

Dan August 25, 2010 at 3:46 am

I haven’t read that many guides on body language but this seems like one of the better ones.

sakti August 28, 2010 at 10:51 am

really superbbb

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