Some days when you do your work things go just as planned.

On some days there are a few small bumps in the road.

And on some days things simply get overwhelming in school, at work or in your business.

You feel the pressure and stress rising inside of you. You become unfocused and dark thoughts start to brew and fill your mind.

But such days don’t have to continue that way. You can often turn them around or at least make them a lot less uncomfortable and more focused again.

Here’s what I do when I feel trapped in one of those days.

1. Breathe.

First, just breathe and calm your mind and body down a bit so that you can think a little more clearly.

I do this by first sitting down. Then I breathe with my stomach for a minute or two. During this time I keep 100% of my focus on the air going in and out.

I find this is always a good start when the mind is racing and the stress and overwhelm make everything feel tough.

2. Zoom out.

I have often found that zooming out a bit alleviates stress and inner pressure.

When you feel trapped and like the world is pressing down on you then it is easy to get a very unhelpful perspective on things.

So I ask myself: Will this matter in 5 years? Or even 5 months?

This allows me to see things from a broader perspective.

3. Unclutter your focus.

When you feel overwhelmed and stressed out it’s easy to get stuck in thinking you have to do 5 things at once to get a handle on things and to get back on track.

So I ask myself:

Honestly, which ones of these things can wait until tomorrow or next week with no or small consequences?

This usually helps me to find a bunch of things that can wait and that I don’t have to think about anymore today.

4. Take care of the rest of today one small step at a time.

After I have alleviated pressure, overwhelm and stress by using the three steps above I narrow my focus.

I do not look forward because then I’ll see all the things I have to do to reach my goal or get all the way to done with a project.

Instead, I go smaller and focus on just taking care of the rest of today.

Nothing more.

This makes things feel even easier and less stressful.

And then it is time to take action. So I narrow my focus even more and ask myself:

• What is the most important thing to focus on right now?
• What is the most important step I can take right now to get that one thing done?

When I find that first step I focus on just that and nothing else until it is done or the work day is over. And after I am done with the first step I focus on the next step until I am done with that. And so on.

If that first step leads me to procrastinating instead of taking action then I chop it up into even smaller steps. And I take action on the first one of them.

In my article about doing an end of the year review I wrote about how I had slacked off with my training during 2012 and how I wanted to add a habit of doing weekly reviews to my life.

I am happy to say that I have been doing pretty intense cardio sessions twice a week since then (except for one week when I only did one session).

I have also done 5 minutes of end of the week journaling sessions on Sundays since the 1:st of January. And that is what I’d like to share a bit about today.

How I use my journal

Here’s how I go about it. I sit down every Sunday (or on Monday If I am unable on the previous day) and write in my journal program for a few minutes.

I start with a sentence or two that summarizes the week or highlights important goings-ons.

Then I ask myself:

• What went well this week?
• What did not go so well this week?

I ask myself these two questions for three of the most important areas in my life: my health habits, my relationships and my work.

There is also headline called “to focus on next week” where I write down one or two things. It could be things I was supposed to focus more on during the past week. Or something I discovered during the past week that I want to change or experiment a bit with. Or simply something I want to keep taking action on.

That’s the basic how.

So what have the benefits been for the past six weeks?

More clarity about my real actions and results.

It is easy to fool yourself. To think you have done more of value in a week than you actually did. Or to think you didn’t get much done even though you actually did.

By writing down what I accomplished and what I did right I see if I stuck to the plan this week.

I see if I missed or procrastinated on doing something. If I did then I ask myself: how I can avoid that next week?

This weekly journaling can also over a bit of time help me to find trouble spots where I have more frequent issues. Trouble spots that could easily go unnoticed or could more easily be rationalized away or simply forgotten without the written record.

Quicker adjustments to my actions.

I don’t let possible course corrections, course experiments or changes be for weeks or months before I take action on them.

Instead I get them done – or at least take the first step with them – during the next week.

Surprisingly powerful accountability.

When I have the journaling to do each week I feel more accountable to stick with my plan.

To get my most important tasks done (as best I can).

To eat healthy (most of the time). To get my sessions of cardio and free weight exercise done.

To follow up on what I wrote beneath the “to focus on next week” headline.

This was actually a bit surprising to me. I thought it might make me feel a bit more accountable. But I felt at least double the accountability that I had imagined.

Living more consciously.

Weeks don’t just go whoosh! and are gone so quickly as much anymore. I experience the days and weeks more consciously because I do more new things and because I reflect upon my days more than I used to.

A self-appreciation journal.

Just as the journal can help me to see what I missed doing or help me discover trouble spots it can also be a self-appreciation journal.

When I feel that I haven’t gotten much done it can help me see the facts and see that overall I have done very well over the past 6 weeks.

I imagine that in 6 or 12 months this will be an even more powerful resource to do some reading from when I am having a bad day or an unmotivated week.

Plus, it will certainly make it easier to do my end of the year review this year.

How do you use your journal? Share your tips with us below.

I write a lot about self-love and the best-seller among the courses I have created is all about that and self-esteem.

But I rarely write about romantic love (although many of the relationship tips on the site work for any kind of relationship). So today I have decided to share something that could help you if you are out of ideas for what to do for Valentine’s Day next week.

Here are 5 ideas you can use as inspiration for Valentine’s Day (and any other day of the year too).

1. Create a hidden message.

This one I picked up from the Simpsons. Underline or circle letters in whatever he or she is reading (a book, a magazine etc.). Create a hidden love message for him or her to find, letter by letter.

2. Sweet and surprising notes.

I and my girlfriend leave small and sweet notes in boots, tea-containers, underneath the pillow, in books we are reading and other places around the home. It’s a very simple and small thing but it always makes the both of us smile big when we discover one of those notes.

3. Give an unexpected experience.

Maybe a surprise adventure like a dinner at a restaurant where the two of you haven’t been before.

Or if you do that quite regularly then try a museum, a musical, ice-skating, a picnic, a show of some kind, an amusement park or some other unexpected experience.

4. Give something he or she genuinely likes.

Show love in the way your partner prefers to be loved. If he really likes flowers then get that. If she is not much of a fan of flowers get her a book or video game or something even more practical if that is what she really wants.

Or give an experience that is unexpected. Or give something familiar if your partner prefers that.

You don’t have to go cliché. Know what your partner likes and how he or she thinks instead.

5. Don’t just focus on Valentine’s Day.

Make showing your love a habit. Use the tips above whenever you feel like it. Surprise the special someone in your life in a small or big way on a regular Tuesday or Wednesday.

Loving gestures and words delivered in surprising ways will not only inject more sparks in your relationship and be fun. It will also be win/win in a more important way by creating a loving environment.

In this environment your words and actions help his or her self-esteem to grow and blossom. And since people tend to want to give what they get you will get the same thing back. And so the two of you can build a more and more loving, supportive and self-esteem enhancing environment.

This will make your lives and relationship more stable, less filled with making mountains out of molehills and happier.

And that is more valuable than any Valentine’s Gift could ever be.

As the New Year is toasted in and we move in to 2013 you may have a New Year’s resolution or two that you want to make real this year.

But as we know, many resolutions don’t become more that hopeful wishes or a few weeks of effort put in during January.

How can you make it much more likely that the changes you want become habits that stick this year?

This article will explore five of the most helpful guidelines for not just wishing for a change but to make it something real in your life that you can reflect upon during the next New Year’s Eve and celebrate.

One change at a time.

I mentioned this in my last article just before the New Year but it well worth mentioning again. Maybe the most common mistake people make out of enthusiasm and overeagerness is to try to change too many things at once.

It usually becomes too much a few weeks down the line and so new goals and habits are left by the side of the road as one falls back into the old routine once again.

Be enthusiastic. But be smart too. Only focus on one habit or small change per month. Do it until it becomes the “new normal” in your life. Then add another habit or small change.

It might feel like things are going to slow, but in 12 months you may be able to add up to 12 new habits to your life if you do it in this focused and smart way.

Small step leads growth over time.

To avoid procrastination and inner resistance make things easy on yourself. Take small steps outside of your comfort zone.

Start by running for just 5 minutes. Then a week or two later, add 5 more minutes of running.

Or start working for just 5 minutes on something you have feared or been nervous about doing. Then you can go back to your regular stuff. And then come back and do 5 more minutes of work on that one thing later on that day or the day after that.

Small steps add up quickly. It is far better to have traveled quite a distance over a year by taking small steps than to feel overwhelmed by taking a first big step and procrastinating on it for 6 months or 12. It is far better than to take that big step once or twice but not being able to keep it up each week because it simply becomes too much for you.

A reminder right in front of your eyes.

It is easy to let the new habit or change slip through the cracks as everyday life interferes and before you know it a week or two has passed by without you having put in much or any work on this new part of your life.

The easiest way to remember your current habit, goal or thing you are focusing on is to write it down and to place that note where it is in front of your eyes every day.

Write it down on paper. Place that note in your workspace where you cannot avoid seeing it. Make copy of the note and put one on your beside table too so it is one of the first things you see as you wake up to a new day.

Get an accountability buddy.

It becomes a lot easier to stick with a new habit or change until it becomes a normal part of your life – and after that too – if you have someone there for support and accountability.

He or she can check up on your so that you get the exercise you made a commitment to. Or so you stay active in your dating life. Or so you don’t eat too much unhealthy food. And you in turn do the same for him or her and so you both stay on the right track.

Your accountability buddy could be a friend, a family member, someone at work or in a local club or someone you get to know online via a forum or website.

And he or she doesn’t even have to have the same exact goal as you. The important thing is that you stay accountable to each other and support, motivate and gently nudge each other back on the right track during the tough times.

Don’t beat yourself up when you slip.

You will most likely have a few bad days and stumble even if you follow the tips above. The important thing here is to not take that stumble too seriously. To not be too hard on yourself when it happens and to not keep on beating yourself up for a week.

Beating yourself up really doesn’t help because it lowers your self-esteem and makes doing whatever you want to do harder and less fun after each time you have slipped and beaten yourself up. And that could certainly lead to giving up altogether after a while.

So avoid being your own worst enemy.

Instead, after you have stumbled ask yourself what your best friend would tell you in this situation and be such a good friend to yourself too.

And learn what you can from the experience so you don’t have to repeat the same stumble too many times. Then get back on the horse again the next day. And keep going.

Image by Atli Harðarson (license).

At the end of the year I sit down and I take a look at my year.

I do it because it helps me to see the good things I did and that happened during the year. I do it because it helps me to find what did not go so well, to find what is important to focus on improving next year, to see in what ways I want to grow and to locate the habits I want to replace or add to my life.

And I do it because it is usually fun, very interesting and gives me an inspiring start to the next year.

First insights

So what I do is I sit down on my chair. I open an empty Word-document on my computer.

I like to keep things simple so I write down these two questions:

What went well?
What did not go so well?

I simply ask myself these questions one at a time and see what first insights pop up in my mind.

This year some examples were:

• It was a good year for my business. The number of readers of the newsletter and the blog went up quite a bit and so did the income from my business.
• It was a mediocre year for my fitness. I maintained my strength and aerobic capacity through exercise. But I didn’t grow in this area and I put in little time for most of the year. I didn’t really step things up until the end of the year when I started to lift heavier free weights and got back to doing at least 3 workouts per week.

Break it down

After my first insights I apply the two questions to some important areas in my life such as:

• Health and fitness.
• Relationships.
• The business.
• My personal growth during the year (habits added or neglected, improvements made, new areas of life explored etc).

Find and use categories that make sense in your life.

You may want to break things down even further and go over smaller sections of for example your relationships for like the ones you have with a partner, with friends and with co-workers. I usually do that in some areas.

The most common mistake I made with my insights

All of this gives me key insights about my life right now. So how does one use these insights?

Well, don’t do what I used to do and many people do: try to improve everything or many things at once next year.

Instead, look at the insights you got. Ask yourself: what are the most important ones for me? What are the ones that are most important for me to work on and will give me the biggest positive effect during next year?

Then just work on one habit or small area at a time. You have 12 months next year and if you take it in small steps you are far more likely to create changes that stick than if you try to cram everything into January. That just leads to overwhelm and habits not sticking.

I will, for example, spend January with getting back to journaling for at least 5 minutes one day per week. Journaling was something I used to do but it fell by the wayside.

I want to get back into it in small steps in 2013. Journaling will help me to focus on the essential. It will help me to review more closely how each week has gone both in my business and personally and it will help me to adapt more quickly and get more of the truly most important things done during next year.

Get the ball rolling today

If you have the time, then sit down for just 5 minutes today and get started with your end of the year review.

You don’t have to get it all done today. But by taking that first step right away you make it a lot more likely that you will follow through and complete this exercise. Or you’ll at least gain a few key insights about your life and how you want to grow during next year.

Happy New Year and I’ll see you in 2013!