What is one of the most effective ways to change your own behavior and habits? Doing things backwards.
What I mean by backward is that if you for instance start moving slower you soon start feeling calmer.
If you start to smile – even if your force it – you soon feel happy and like you actually want to smile. It’s kinda strange but it sure does work.
This is not just limited to your body. Instead of changing yourself and through that changing your surroundings you can turn it around. Change your surroundings to change yourself.
How I Changed My Information Diet
During the last year I have changed my information intake habits quite a bit. First, about a year and a half ago, I realized that there wasn’t much I watched on the TV that I really wanted to watch. It was mostly a habit I used to fill out time. So I put the TV in my closet and it’s been there pretty much even since. Nowadays, when I’m at home, I watch just what I want to watch on my computer. I don’t miss the TV, but one thing I’ve noticed is that I have seldom seen popular TV-commercials that people keep bringing up in conversations.
After I started blogging I read a lot of blogs and my bookmark folder became hard to manage and get an overview of. I read online for hours each day. Finally, I got tired of this and it was time to eliminate. So cut I ruthlessly among my RSS-feeds and reduced about 15-20 of them to 7. Then I deleted about 95% of my bookmarks. One important thing I did was deleting bookmarks for sites I was addicted to such as email, RSS-feeds and blogstatistics. Now, when I want to access these sites I have to type in the address manually (or Google it). This has reduced the checking of those sites from about 8 times a day to once or twice.
I’ve used the same method for limiting my use of social bookmarking sites like Reddit and Digg. And to go from checking three of the biggest Swedish newspapers online 3-4 times a day to checking one paper once each day. I did all the switches pretty fast. When the short-cuts were gone the habits and temptations ceased pretty quickly. The new habits were established in about two weeks.
Other Areas of Your Life Where You Can Apply the Same Method
Here are three important areas people often want to change and a few environmental suggestions for each of those areas.
Your Health
You can replace a bad health habit with a better one by for instance throwing out your cookies and candy. Then fill your fridge and cabinets with healthier snacks such as carrots, fruits and nuts. It might not sound like fun. But you’ll get used to it and appreciate the new replacements sooner than you might think.
Buy healthier cookbooks – or look for healthy recipes online – and throw out your take-out menus.
Subscribe to RSS-feeds from the best health blogs and create a bookmark-folder for the best health websites you can find. Make these daily reading to reinforce your new and healthier outlook.
Leave your running-shoes or soccer out in an easy-to-see place in your apartment/house instead of tucking them into your closet. It’s easy to just get caught up in everyday life and forget exercising (or remember it when you are lying in bed waiting to go to sleep). This is a simple reminder to help you avoid such situations.
Join a local group and for example start practising yoga or playing basketball. You’ll not only get more exercise but you might also find some new friends that can act a positive health influence on you. I wouldn’t go so far as to ditch the friends you go out drinking beer and sit around watching TV with. But you can expand your circle of friends to reflect and reinforce your new way of living.
Your Income and Financial Situation
Cut your credit-cards to get out of one growing debt-trap.
Get a clear picture of your finances and eliminate the things you don’t need. Take them out of your life and soon you may think: Why did I ever start doing those things in the first place?.
If you have debts or financial problems, don’t use your time by focusing on how bad your situation is. Focus on finding ways to solve the problem. Whatever the challenge is focus your mind on finding solutions.
Read free and high-quality blogs about finance like Get Rich Slowly and I Will Teach You to Be Rich. Delete the bookmarks to sites where you have spent too much money. Or even better, erase your account at those websites.
Write down your financial goal(s) on pieces of paper. It might be something like increase your monthly income by 30%. Or reducing your spending each month by 20%. Then tape those pieces of paper on your fridge, bathroom mirror, workspace and computer to see your goal(s) many times a day. This will help you keep your focus on what’s important and what you want.
Join an online forum for money and finances to get support, new ideas and good conversations going. This can be especially valuable if no-one in your immediate surrounding is interested in managing or discussing money.
Your Social Life
Join local groups of like-minded people to find new and potentially great friends.
Try to find friends that can be a positive support. Spend more time with them. Limit you time with negative friends/co-workers. Who you spend time with will decide much of how you’ll feel and what you’ll experience. Hanging with the right crowd for you can do wonders.
Instead of being hesitant and saying no, say yes for a month whenever someone invites you for something. It’s good to try new environments, and you never who you’ll meet.
Try replacing the newspaper in the morning with a good sit-com episode or listening/reading a self improvement book. Starting your day on a positive note can lift your spirits and when you are positive rather instead of negative socialising becomes a whole lot easier.
Try online dating, blind dates or speed dating to get away from the bar/club-scene for a while.
If your special-interests are too obscure – or your town is too small – go online to find people to discuss with. Or consider joining a group in a larger, nearby city and taking the car, bus or train there.
If you want to be a more social person, put yourself in more social situations, take more chances, and take more action. People will seldom come to you. If you want to wait for that, prepare for a long wait. Instead, be proactive and take the first step. It can be scary but there are practical ways to overcome that fear. Have a look at Do You Make These 10 Mistakes in a Conversation? and How to Make a Great First Impression for tips and pointers on improving your people skills. Read 5 Life-Changing Keys to Overcoming Your Fear for practical advice on how to overcome social fears and anxieties.
Try brainstorming environmental factors for the change you want to achieve in your life. Have a look at How to Spark Your Creativity and come up with ways to change your environment so it more suits and is a natural part of the life of the person you want to become.
One thing about changing your life is that you can promise yourself to do anything in the future. And that sounds good and feels even better. But later on we can always come up with reasons to rationalize doing what we decided to never do again just a week ago. And those reasons don’t even have to be that great or logical. When we feel like doing whatever it is we want to do – smoke a cigarette, buy a new expensive coat or shy away from facing a fear – then out mind will find ways to rationalize it. And we’ll do it, feeling we have a good reason to. And then the next day we promise ourselves and others to not do it again. And so on.
By removing these things from your environment as best your can and replacing them with more suitable things you take away many of the opportunities to both do and to rationalize doing something. By replacing them with the things, people etc. that the person you want to become would have a around himself or herself it kinda forces you to live up to and adapt to your new surroundings. And so it becomes easier to change and reach your goals.
Your environment is an important part of you and your identity. Every day it reinforces who you are. Tear your environment down and rebuild it to help create and reinforce a new part of yourself and the person you want to become.
I really don’t think there is one way to do it. And the ways you can use to solve a problem depends on the problem.
But I have found a few tips that have helped me solve problems more easily. I seldom use all of the tips for solving one problem and they aren’t arranged in any special order.
However, I find doing some of these things early on can really help you solve the problem faster and with less struggle and pain.
“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
Dorothy Nevill
Social skills and relationships are probably two of the most important things in life.
So it always strikes me as a bit odd that while we learn so much when we grow up there is often somewhat of a lack of advice on how to improve our communication skills.
If there is something that we should learn more about in school, then this is one of those things since it can improve lives and society in a big way.
Of course, if you do some digging and browsing and looking you can find solid and time-tested information from throughout the ages on this topic. And since communication and relationships is a pretty intuitive and free flowing process, advice that applies in all situations is pretty hard to find. Much of these things you have to learn from experience.
But there are some good pointers. Here are five of them. And I think that if you avoid these five mistakes at least most of the time then you can really improve your relationships, your communication skills and your life.
1. Bragging.
You may think bragging about your new car or what you make money wise will impress people. But consciously trying to impress anyone quickly becomes pretty apparent and transparent. And you are likely come a across as an annoying try-hard and insecure person with low self-esteem rather than the coolest kid in town.
2. Being judgemental.
Now, what I’m talking about here is being judgemental about what Paul does for a living, what Lisa defines as her unique fashion style and what Larry did in a drunken haze last weekend.
If you keep up such topics in conversation then soon the people you talk to will probably start to assume that you talk the same way about them when they are not around. And that can put a negative dent and barrier into your relationship.
Besides, being judgemental might make you feel superior for a short while. But overall, it puts negative energy into your own mood and thoughts. And that isn’t especially fun or useful.
3. Putting the spotlight on ME, ME, ME!
An obvious and obnoxious one. A couple of common ways to put the spot-light on yourself are:
Talking too much.
Hijacking someone else’s story by interrupting and then relating it to some anecdote in your life. Thereby taking the focus off the other person and on to yourself once again.
Not really listening, just waiting for your turn to talk again.
Trying to steer the conversation back to your favourite subjects. And then clinging desperately by talking about them as long as you can.
4. Always be giving advice.
I’ve been guilty of this so many times. :) And I think a lot of people don’t really realize that it might be something to hold back on a bit. If someone is telling you about a problem or situation then it’s easy to assume they want your point of view and advice. And it’s easy to feel clever by dispensing your wisdom.
But sometimes people just want to you to listen and hear them out. It might be a way for them to handle, understanding and solving their own problem. So just listen instead of busting out your problem-solving skills immediately. Assuming a parental role where you are telling what someone what to do can become irritating.
When they are done talking they might ask for your input. Or you can ask if they want to hear what you would do in a similar situation. Or if they want someone to bounce around thoughts and ideas with.
5. Worrying about making mistakes in conversations.
One big problem in conversations is to turn the focus of your mind too much inwards. As soon as you do that conversations stall, you can feel flustered and everything becomes awkward.
You can escape being worried about looking dumb and making mistakes by not focusing on it. Work on focusing your attention more and more outwards, towards the person you are talking to.
If you think you look dumb then it is probably because you were worried about it and became self-conscious. If you can decrease the worry you can decrease the time you feel self-conscious.
And if you aren’t self-conscious then you are far less likely to feel bad and affecting the conversation. Even if you said or did something that might be perceived as kinda dumb. If I’m not self-conscious then I have found that don’t react that badly to what I said/did (even if it was kinda dumb). Most of the time I just move on with the conversation and the people I’m talking to follows.
So, should you try to decrease the attention and focus you put on yourself?
Frankly, at the moment I find it more fun – and difficult – to forget about myself entirely. I just try to be and observe the reality around me. I focus on that. And not on myself (well, a little self-focus is hard to avoid but I try the best I can). It doesn’t work for that long, at least for now. But I find it more interesting experimenting and experiencing with that frame of mind.
3 Solutions for Better Relationships
Try to avoid doing these mistakes.
Don’t just sink into the regular unconscious routine of life. Try to be conscious and aware of how you think and what you say as much as possible. This will allow you to more easily observe your behaviour and bit by bit decrease the number of times you make these mistakes.
Replace your habits.
Since these mistakes quickly become habits you may not just be able to put a stop to them. Instead try a time-tested way for changing habits. Replace the habit rather than removing it. Instead of for instance judging people, try to see a positive side of everyone you meet for 30 days.
It might be hard, but there is just about always something positive in everyone. Adopting this new habit not only replaces a less useful one. It has the added benefit of improving your outlook on the world and can pretty radically change how you view your closest environment such as friends, family and co-workers.
Focus less on yourself.
All of these mistakes are pretty much rooted in being too focused on yourself and boosting your own ego. But you don’t have to keep on boosting your ego to feel good.
The most helpful way I have found so far for overcoming the ego boosting-addiction is by reading – and applying – something by Eckhart Tolle. He discusses the ego in-depth in his books/tapes/dvds and they are great ways to understanding how the ego works in your life and how to get a handle on it. Very useful information that improves your life once you start understanding and applying it.
Today I’d like to share a collection of the 130 best forgiveness quotes that I’ve discovered over the years.
I hope they will help you to forgive, let go and move on from hurt, resentment and anger. Away from feelings that may drag you down and thoughts that can slowly poison you and your outlook on life.
Because forgiving someone for what they said or did isn’t always easy – it can in my experience honestly be one of the harder things one can do – but it can also set you free and be something you need to do for no one but yourself to be able to fully move on with your life.
I think Catherine Ponder says it in a better way than I so let’s get started and begin with her quote on forgiveness.
Quotes on Forgiving Someone You Love
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Catherine Ponder
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Paul Boose
“The act of forgiveness takes place in our own mind. It really has nothing to do with the other person.” Louise Hay
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” Oscar Wilde
“We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends.” Sir. Francis Bacon
“Most of us can forgive and forget; we just don’t want the other person to forget that we forgave.” Ivern Ball
“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” Robert Muller
“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” Anne Lamott
“Before we can forgive one another, we have to understand one another.” Emma Goldman
“Let us forgive each other – only then will we live in peace.” Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
“True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.” Oprah Winfrey
“Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.” Marlene Dietrich
“Forgiveness is a sign that the person who has wronged you means more to you than the wrong they have dealt.” Ben Greenhalgh
“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.” Will Smith
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” Thomas Szasz
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Robert Quillen
“Forgiveness isn’t approving what happened. It’s choosing to rise above it.” Robin Sharma
“If you can’t forgive and forget, pick one.” Robert Brault
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Bryant H. McGill
“Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.” Marvin J. Ashton
“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” Confucius
You may also find this post filled with I’m sorry quotes helpful.
Quotes on the Power of Forgiveness
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” Nelson Mandela
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” Roberto Assagioli
“Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.” Isaac Friedmann
“True forgiveness is not an action after the fact, it is an attitude with which you enter each moment.” David Ridge
“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” Tony Robbins
“Forgiveness is like faith. You have to keep reviving it.” Mason Cooley
“Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.” Hannah Arendt
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain
“The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbour as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves.” Eric Hoffer
“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” Marianne Williamson
“I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.” Abraham Lincoln
“A broken friendship that is mended through forgiveness can be even stronger than it once was.” Stephen Richards
“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.” Cherie Carter-Scott
“To err is human, to forgive, divine.” Alexander Pope
“Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.” William Arthur Ward
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Martin Luther King Jr.
“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” William Blake
“Forgiveness is the key to inner peace because it is the mental technique by which our thoughts are transformed from fear to love.” Marianne Williamson
“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” Nelson Mandela
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” Deborah Reber
“As long as you don’t forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy a rent-free space in your mind.” Isabelle Holland
“Why do people persist in a dissatisfying relationship, unwilling either to work toward solutions or end it and move on? It’s because they know changing will lead to the unknown, and most people believe that the unknown will be much more painful than what they’re already experiencing.” Anthony Robbins
“Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.” Bob Newhart
“Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life.” George MacDonald
“Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energy moving forward together towards an answer.” Denis Waitley
“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” Guy Finley
“When we go back in to the past and rake up all the troubles we’ve had, we end up reeling and staggering through life. Stability and peace of mind come by living in the moment.” Pam W. Vredevelt
“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.” Wayne Dyer
“Forgiveness is the final form of love.” Reinhold Niebuhr
“Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?” Leo Buscaglia
“We think that forgiveness is weakness, but it’s absolutely not; it takes a very strong person to forgive.” T. D. Jakes
“Forgiveness is the most important thing. We all have to forgive what was done to us – the Irish people have to forgive. The African people. The Jewish people. We all have to forgive and understand the only way to stop the cycle of hate and abuse is not to allow yourself to get caught in it.” Sinead O’Connor
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes
“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” C.S. Lewis
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell
“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.” Tyler Perry
“When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.” Bernard Meltzer
“Forgiveness is not about the other person or what they did. Forgiveness is for YOU and about YOU.” Iyanla Vanzant
“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” Jonathan Huie
“Forgiveness is a powerful expression of the love within our soul.” Anthony Douglas
“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” Maya Angelou
“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” John F. Kennedy
“I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note – torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.” Henry Ward Beecher
“Forgiveness is the most effective way of dealing with arguments; altruism and forgiveness bring humanity together so that no conflict, however serious, will go beyond the bounds of what is truly human.” Dalai Lama
“Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.” Unknown
“Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.” Indira Gandhi
“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” Lewis B. Smedes
“Genuine forgiveness is participation, reunion overcoming the powers of estrangement. . . We cannot love unless we have accepted forgiveness, and the deeper our experience of forgiveness is, the greater is our love.” Paul Tillich
“Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness.”’ H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive.” Unknown
“When I talk of forgiveness I mean the belief that you can come out the other side … a better person than the one being consumed by anger and hatred. Remaining in that state locks you in a state of victimhood, making you almost dependent on the perpetrator. If you can find it in yourself to forgive then you are no longer chained to the perpetrator. You can move on.” Desmond Tutu
“You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.” Jan Glidewell
Wise Forgiveness Quotes
“To understand is to forgive, even oneself.” Alexander Chase
“Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is, therefore, the means for correcting our misperceptions.” Gerald G. Jampolsky
“Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim–letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.” C.R. Strahan
“Forgiveness is the economy of the heart… forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” Hannah More
“I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself.” T.D. Jakes
“Forgiveness is not weak. It takes courage to face and overcome powerful emotions.” Desmond Tutu
“Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning.” Martin Luther King Jr.
“These are the few ways we can practice humility:
To speak as little as possible of one’s self.
To mind one’s own business.
Not to want to manage other people’s affairs.
To avoid curiosity.
To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.
To pass over the mistakes of others.
To accept insults and injuries.
To accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.
To be kind and gentle even under provocation.
Never to stand on one’s dignity.
To choose always the hardest.” Mother Teresa
“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” Oprah Winfrey
“I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.” C.S. Lewis
“We are all on a life long journey and the core of its meaning, the terrible demand of its centrality is forgiving and being forgiven.” Martha Kilpatrick
“Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love.” Fred Rogers
“I want to be the kind of person who can do that. Move on and forgive people and be healthy and happy. It seems like an easy thing to do in my head. But it’s not so easy when you try it in real life.” Susane Colasanti
“The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.” Kent M. Keith
“People have to forgive. We don’t have to like them, we don’t have to be friends with them, we don’t have to send them hearts in text messages, but we have to forgive them, to overlook, to forget. Because if we don’t we are tying rocks to our feet, too much for our wings to carry!” C. JoyBell C.
“Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Trust requires a track record.” Rick Warren
“Life is grace. Sleep is forgiveness. The night absolves. Darkness wipes the slate clean, not spotless to be sure, but clean enough for another day’s chalking.” Frederick Buechner
“You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it’.” Maya Angelou
“Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.” Robert Jordan
“I guess forgiveness, like happiness, isn’t a final destination. You don’t one day get there and get to stay.” Deb Caletti
“Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil; With them forgive yourself.” William Shakespeare
“I have learned that the person I have to ask for forgiveness from the most is: myself. You must love yourself. You have to forgive yourself, every day, whenever you remember a shortcoming, a flaw, you have to tell yourself “That’s just fine”. You have to forgive yourself so much, until you don’t even see those things anymore. Because that’s what love is like.” C. JoyBell C.
“We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.” Ellen Goodman
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” she said. He hung on to his straps and shrugged. “Yesterday happens.” Rainbow Rowell
“Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive.” Paul Young
“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.” George Herbert
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” Corrie Ten Boom
“Let’s shake free this gravity of judgment, and fly high on the wings of forgiveness.” India Arie Simpson
“When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God’s light shines upon you.” Jon Krakauer
“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.” Criss Jami
“It is important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn from our errors and move on.” Steve Maraboli
“If he can’t handle you at your worst then he does not deserve you at your best. Real love means seeing beyond the words spoken out of pain, and instead seeing a person’s soul.” Shannon L. Alder
“If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.” Kent M. Keith
“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time-just like it does for you and me.” Sara Paddison
“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” C.S. Lewis
“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.” Desmond Tutu
But over the years I’ve found solutions to this very common problem. Here are 25 of them. Try a handful.
Let me know which ones work well for you.
I’m sure you’ll find at least one or two that do just that among these suggestions.
1. Make a deal with yourself.
Good for overcoming procrastination and getting things done. You can make the deal small or large.
You simple tell yourself something like: When I’m done with this chapter/these reports I can take a walk in the park and enjoy an ice-cream.
2. Act like it.
If you don’t feel motivated or enthusiastic then act like it.
The strange thing is that within a few minutes you actually start to feel motivated, positive or enthusiastic for real.
3. Ask uplifting questions in the morning.
Here’s what you do; every morning ask yourself five empowering three-part questions this way:
What am I ______ about in my life right now?
What about it makes me _______?
How does it make me feel?
Put in your own value in the blank space. For instance, a couple of my questions are:
What am I happy about in my life right now?
What am I excited about in my life right now?
It’s important that you really feel how it makes you feel. When I think about the last part about what makes me happy right now I really feel it.
These morning questions are great because the way they are set up makes you recognize things you take for granted and then they really get you to feel those positive feelings.
Set a large and specific goal. This will motivate you much more than small goals. A big goal has a big effect and can create a lot of motivation.
5. Do something small and create a flow.
Just clean your desk. Or pay your bills. Or wash the dishes. You just need to get started.
When you have finished that small task you’ll feel more alert and ready to go do the next thing. You just to get started to get motivated.
So if you really don’t feel like doing anything, start with something small and work your way out up.
6. Do the toughest task first.
This will ease a lot of your day-to-day worries and boost your self-confidence for the rest of the day.
7. Start slow.
Instead of jumping into something at full speed start slow.
When you do that your mind will not visualize the task as something hard that you have to do fast, fast, fast. If your mind sees such things guess what often happens?
Yep, you don’t get started.
Actually getting started, even if it’s at a slow pace, is a whole lot better than not getting started at all.
8. Compare yourself with yourself.
Not with others. Comparing what you have and your results to what other people have and have accomplished can really kill your motivation as it ups your self-doubts.
There are always people ahead of you. Most likely quite a bit of people. And a few of them are miles ahead.
So focus on you. On your results. And how you can and have improved them.
Reviewing your results is important so you see where you have gone wrong in the past to avoid similar missteps further on.
But it’s also important because it’s a great motivator to see how much you have improved and how far you have come. Often you can be pleasantly surprised when you do such a review.
9. Remember your successes.
And let them flow through your mind instead of your failures. Write down your successes.
Consider using a journal of some kind since it’s easy to forget your successes.
10. Act like your heroes.
Read about them, watch them, listen to them. Discover what they did that was special and what made them tick.
But remember that they are people just like us. So let them inspire you instead of looking up at them admiringly.
11. Remember to have fun.
Or create fun in a task. Then you’ll stay motivated to do and finish it.
12. Get out of your comfort zone.
Face your challenges to get a real boost of motivation.
It can help you get started and take that first scary step outside your comfort zone.
Instead redefine it as feedback and as a natural part of a successful life. As Michael Jordan said:
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Also, try to find the valuable lesson(s) in each of your failures. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this?
14. Do some research on what you are about to do.
Then your expectations will be more grounded in reality and you can also get good hints on what difficulties that you might run into along the way.
Managing your expectations can lower the often almost explosive initial enthusiasm. But it can also lessen the lack of motivation that usually follows when most of that enthusiasm has dissipated.
When you know what has happened to others in similar situations – what path they have walked – you can adapt and try their solutions (and personal variations of those) and your own.
This makes it easier to stop worrying. And challenges easier to handle.
Both emotionally – since you know at least some of the things that will happen and that others have lived through it before – and practically.
15. Figure out why you’re doing something.
If you don’t know or don’t have good enough reason to do something then it will be hard to get it done. Do things that you have really strong reasons to do.
If you want to do something then figure out a good reason to do it.
If you can’t find one consider dropping it and doing something that you have a good reason to do instead.
16. Write down your goals and reasons for working towards them.
Tape them on your wall, computer or bathroom mirror. Then you’ll be reminded throughout the day and it becomes easier to stay on track and stay focused.
17. Focus on the positive.
Learn to think more positively most of the time. Learn to let to go of negative threads of thought before they have a chance to take hold of you.
You might not be able to be positive all the time no matter what happens. But I think most of us can improve on our positive thinking and the results it can lead us to.
Perhaps more than you realize right now.
18. Cut down on TV.
Do you watch it too much? Watch less of what they are doing in TV-land and do more of what you want to do in life.
19. Break it down.
Break down your task or project into small steps. And just start with focusing on that first small step. When you are done move on to the next and just focus on that one.
The small successes will keep your motivation up and keeping your focus away from the big picture stops you from overthinking, becoming overwhelmed and discouraged.
It’s amazing how much you can get done if you follow this simple method.
20. Reprogram your information intake.
Program out negative and cynical thoughts from the media and society. Reduce your information intake.
Then program in positive news and entertainment, more of your own thoughts and useful information such as personal growth podcasts and books. Be selective and keep it positive.
21. Make use of your creativity.
Take out a piece of paper. Write at the top of the page what area in your life you would like to have more ideas about. Perhaps you want ideas to earn more money or become a healthier person.
Then brainstorm until you have written down 20 ideas on that topic. Then try for 10 more.
Not all ideas will be good. But some will.
And as you make use of your creativity you not only discover useful ideas. You also discover just how creative you can be if you try and how motivating and great that feels.
22. Find out what makes you happy.
Then do that. As much as you want or can.
23. Listen while you’re on the move.
Build your own small library of motivational/personal development tapes. Listen to them while you are driving, riding the bus or your bike, while you are out running or walking.
Take a peek at my recommended personal development products if you are looking for a good place to start.
24. Think outside your box.
Don’t imagine the future from the box of what you have now. Just because your mind is in box of previous experiences doesn’t mean that’s the limits of the world.
Create the future from the now and from nothing rather than your past to experience bigger changes with fewer limitations than you would if you created it from what you can see from your box.
25. Make each day count.
We don’t have all the time in the world. So focus on today and do the things you really want to do.
You’re in the waiting room. Or just waiting somewhere. Soon it will begin.
Your leg is shaking nervously. You can’t really hear that well what someone next to you is saying.
Your thoughts are one big jumbled incoherent mess.
Perhaps you have a big test in school or an important meeting/job-interview. Maybe you have an uncomfortable appointment with your doctor or dentist.
Whatever it is, it makes you feel worried and anxious.
Now, what I’m talking about here aren’t anxiety attacks or anything that serious. I know very little about such problems and possible solutions.
But the following 8 tips have helped me handle the lower and medium levels of anxiety and worrying that most of us experience from time to time.
1. Take 30 belly-breaths.
Actually I’ve found that just after 10-15 belly-breaths stress or anxiety will dissipate and you’ll feel a lot calmer. But you may want to take 30 just to be on the safe side.
This simple exercise works remarkably well whenever you feel negative emotions like anxiety or anger trying to drag you down. For practical instructions about belly-breathing, have a look at this short article.
2. Get good knowledge.
Anxiety often comes from uncertainty. Knowledge blows away uncertainty and replaces it with more certainty and a clearer picture of what is to be expected. And when you dig up some information then the problem is many times not as bad as you imagined.
So, ask someone who has been where you are how it is, what they did and what’s to be expected. Read about it in books or magazines. Research and Google it.
3. Redirect your mind.
You don’t always have to think about your problems and create more anxiety. If it feels bad redirect your mind.
Watch a couple of episodes of an excellent sit-com like The Simpsons or Seinfeld.
Have a great conversation or night out.
Go to the gym and really focus on the workout.
When you are done your feelings will most likely be more positive. If there’s something you can do about whatever is causing your anxiety now you are in a much better position to do something about it than when you were all wound up in those negative feelings.
4. Don’t forget to eat.
The most obvious advice of this article. But I know that if I don’t eat when my body needs to then my blood-sugar drops and I more easily become irritated, nervous or anxious. When your body needs energy feed it.
If your negative emotions start to pop up in your day without much reason then it might just mean that you need to eat something.
5. Ask yourself: is this useful?
I often stop and ask myself if a train of thoughts I’m having is useful. I have found it to be quite helpful to put a stop to negative thoughts and negative thought spirals (when you get more and more negative during several minutes while thinking about that big meeting that’s coming up).
If I ask myself this question and realize that my current thoughts aren’t that useful at all then it becomes easier to just let go of them.
6. Observe the feeling.
Sometimes the anxious feeling can be quite intense and sticky. It’s hard to get rid of it.
A good way, in my experience, to let go of such a feeling is to surrender to it.
If you have read this blog for a while then I’m sure you have heard about this method before. But the reason I keep mentioning it is because it’s simple and more effective than you might expect at first. Here is what you do:
When you feel a negative feeling then accept that feeling. Don’t try to fight it or to keep it out (like many of us have learned throughout life).
Say yes to it.
Surrender and let it in.
Observe the feeling in your mind and body without labelling or judging it. If you let it in – for me the feeling then often seems physically locate itself to the middle of my chest – and just observe it for maybe a minute or two something wonderful happens.
The feeling just vanishes. And your mind will stop putting in new energy into the problem.
7. Stay in the present.
Anxiety is sometimes a fear of the future. One way to lessen anxiety on a more long-term level is to not to think of the future more than necessary.
Instead stay in the present as much as you can.
This is not that easy if you are used to spend much time thinking/worrying about the past or imagining the future.
So you need to work on it, just like when trying to learn a new sport or instrument.
You can start by just paying attention to what is happening right now. Just focus on the scene and the sounds right in front of you. Don’t think about the reports you have finish before 5, the meeting tomorrow and what you want for dinner.
Just pay attention to the present moment and nothing else for a few moments.
Make it a habit and try to expand the time you can spend in the present moment before your thoughts drift away again. You can also look into some form of meditation to strengthen your connection to the now.
