No One is Coming

Today I would like to simply and quickly share one of my favorite thoughts on self-improvement.

This short thought comes from Nathaniel Branden's book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem and it simply goes like this:

“No one is coming”.

Short. But it has been a powerful and sobering reminder for me.

Because yes, you can look for the next big thing that will fix you.

Read more blog articles. Read more personal development books. Look for people to help you.

And yes, some articles, books, products or people will give you support and insights that resonate deeply with you and that you can put into practice.

But in the end, if you are an adult then no one is coming. No one is coming to save you. You have to take responsibility for your own life and what happens in it.

Other things and people can certainly aid you quite a bit. But you are responsible.

You can go around blaming society or some people for your problems in your social life. Or finances. Or health. You can always find scapegoats to judge to feel better about yourself. You can look for people that will “fix you”.

You can do this for the rest of your life if you like. It won't change much.

Whatever has to be done, it's you who have to take responsibility and do it.

Yeah, things might always not go your way. You'll fall and stumble and you will probably have bad luck from time to time.

But you still have to focus on yourself and on doing what you can do with what you have in whatever situation that may arise in your world.

Image by Kuster & Wildhaber Photography (license).

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Pat Purvis

    I remember reading this particular blog posting about one year ago, and I saved it in my emails because it is probably one of the best I’ve read. It is simple, but very true. You Have To Take Responsibility For Your Own Destiny.
    Thank you Henrik

  • Some solid advice Henrik,

    It is important to remind ourselves that as adults we have to take our own fate in our hands and make something of ourselves, fix our issues and find ways to constantly improve.

    You touched on another important point too…taking action. Reading self help books, even blogs like yours and mine are great (I hope people keep doing both!) But ultimately it is far more important to take any sort of action than to read about it.


  • Karen

    That is so true. It’s such a pity that some people don’t realize that they have to help themselves and so nothing changes for them and they end up living life the hard way.

  • For me, your comment “No one is coming” can initially trigger in me a sense of desolation and loneliness. Your point is well-taken that when we stand in our “aloneness”, listen to the deeper intuition within, that is where we will find our true power and aliveness. I agree that when I take responsibility my life I finally get to grow up. And I agree that trial and error is an important part of figuring out what works for an individual. Yet, we seem to be wired for collaboration, and if we use the “No one is coming” stance for more than decision making, it could lead to such an inflexible independence, that there is no room to learn from others, and also be of service to others.

  • Thanks for this post, Henrik.

    It really resonated with me. I retired 20 September, and also have several painful areas of my body I’m trying to deal with. I’m looking for part-time retirement work, and trying to cope with my pain. In the final analysis, I am the only one who can initiate change, although others may be able to help me. But if I don’t make the initial effort, nothing will change. Sometimes it’s difficult to realize this, but who else can be responsible for us?

  • “No One is Coming indeed.” It’s so unfortunate that we often forget or pretend not to know that, that’s the fact.Thank you so much Henrik for you’ve always made it a point to share with us such useful & awesome posts.

  • There’s a quote that shocked my world a couple of years ago that relates to this…

    What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do – John Ruskin

    See, I used to read and wait for next fix, blog, book, article… Dude, just do it.

  • Roz


    This is one of my favorite posts and I enjoy your blog immensely. I’m also on Week 11 of your Self-Esteem course which has truly been a self-empowering experience.


  • indiragc

    A simple suggestion.Please ask your readers “one personality weakness” that they recognised in themselves and how they overcame the same.

    As you have many smart visitors to your blog,this may bring out some real time solutions/insights for others.

  • Reza

    Hi Henrik
    Lost for words in thanking you for such benevolent sharing.

  • Kuatji

    this is very inspiring this is exactly what everybody needs to know thank you very much…

  • Foroogh

    It is really true. We can change iur life if accept that we are responsible for it not the others. And accept that we are alone! We have just ourselves for relying on!
    Thank u.

  • Akinnuoye Tunde

    This is awesomely wonderful self development write up. For whatever you are you are responsible. Adult must take responsibility for his or her actions.

  • This is exactly what I tell people too. In fact I made a little video about my 3 x Q/S process. That stands for Quit Moaning and Start being grateful; Quit Blaming and Start taking responsibility; and Quit making excuses and Start making plans/goals. nice post Henrik. :)