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Go Easy on Yourself: 4 Tips to Help You Do What Matters in a Self-Kind Way

Go Easy on Yourself

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Buddha

“People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it.”
Edith Schaeffer

One common way to get things done, to achieve and to motivate yourself is to be kind of hard on yourself.

To set very high standards for yourself that you want to stick to every time.

Now, this way of going about things can indeed help you to accomplish big things in your life and to get things done every week.

But it comes at a price.

Three negative things about taking this position towards yourself are:

  • You tear your self-esteem down. As you achieve things you tend to tear down your own self-esteem at the same time. So you feel less and less like you deserve success. And frustration and being angry can become more and more common as you fail to reach those very high standards.
  • You suck the fun and excitement out of things. A hard or harsh attitude towards yourself has a tendency to make things that used to be fun and exciting less and less so. This attitude does instead over time turn those things into just work that you may start to dread because you fear failure or not meeting your high standards.
  • You’ll perform worse and worse. As your self-esteem goes down you’ll feel less motivated to tackle the tasks and projects in your life. As the fun and excitement goes out of many of the things you do procrastination tends to become more and more common. Plus, the work you put in becomes less energetic and focused and so the results aren't that good anymore either.

I used to take the harder and harsher path. It did help in some ways. But it wasn't worth it.

So what can you do if you feel that you are maybe too hard on yourself or you beat yourself up quite often?

Here are 4 tips that helped me to become kinder towards myself, to get more of the most important things done and to feel better about myself and my life.

1. Remind yourself of the negative effects of this attitude.

To just remind yourself of how damaging being hard on yourself has been is in my experience a very effective way to replace the old habit with going easier on yourself.

2. Go for more human and smarter standards for yourself.

Movies, books and the people around you may push standards on you that are just pure fantasy or some kind of perfect dream.

But life is life, not a fantasy or dream and to set such extremely high standards that no one can live up to just leads to what you may see as failure and disappointment in yourself and in your life.

Instead, relax a bit and accept that everything and everyone has flaws and things don’t always go as planned.

Accept that you can still improve things but they will never be perfect.

And realize that you won’t be rejected if things or you aren’t perfect. At least not by reasonably well-balanced human beings, like most people actually are in reality.

3. Focus on the positive and helpful feedback in setbacks.

It is very common to be hard on yourself when you make a mistake or fail.

But it is also a very destructive habit because it can magnify one such event into something that makes you feel depressed for weeks or makes you quit altogether.

So when you are hard on yourself for a failure or mistake then relax a bit and go a bit easier on yourself. Remind yourself of why this is a much better strategy to keep the motivation and self-esteem up.

And ask yourself:

  • What is one thing I can I learn from this situation?
  • How can I use what I learn from this to not make the same mistake again and to move forward in a smarter way?

4. Celebrate your small steps of progress.

If you are in the habit of only celebrating when you reach a big milestone or a perfect moment or two then you may lose your motivation and feel like you are never happy or arriving where you want to be.

So make a habit of celebrating your small daily and weekly successes too.

This will help you to keep the soul-tiring monotony away and help you to stay enthusiastic instead of getting more and more unmotivated until you may even consider quitting halfway to that big milestone.

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Milca

    More often I’ve tried to be hard on my to achieve the best atleast I’ve learned that i need to appreciate even the least thanx postivity blog God bless u

  • Erjona

    Very useful

  • PM

    I found your article so intuitive and helpful. I am 63 today and have been this way most of my life and have been very unhappy as very hard on myself, including ending a good marriage of 17 years as rather than appreaciate the positives, conentrated on the small negatives instead!! Just trying to break the habit and gain some happiness. Your article touches a nerve and hope it has helped others. Keep up the good work and thanks!!

  • Medha

    Its very nice.. I did all the mistakes mentioned in it and now I need to take break in my career as these mistakes made me confused & demotivated personality… But the process to reconstruct thoughts is helping me to change myself…thanks to guide.

  • LavonNe

    Smile. Thank you.

  • Guen

    I really enjoyed reading your Article … It’s really important the self -esteem of the person …Thank you

  • So true. People hang on to their internal critic because they think it is in their best interest. When in actuality, it holds them back as it erodes their self esteem. Great perspective on this. The way to sustain our willpower to reach our goals is definitely through self-compassion. Thanks for the insightful information.

    Scott

  • this were very excellent tips and very usable for my upset life.

  • Julius

    Thanks a lot for your advice. You are keeping me moving despite facing the biggest challenge in my life. May God bless you much!!!!

  • Exceptionally pleasant post. Much thanks to you for sharing this persuading article. The focuses given above more often inspire the people and show how anybody can discover satisfaction in little things. So do read and listen some motivational and uplifting articles which will helps you to locate the most ideal approach to do anything you like to do.

  • Lachhman singh

    Thanks, Your article is very helpful. Today I learned very helpful and important step in my life how to enjoy every movement in life.

  • Kelly

    Wow! This is exactly what I need to learn! Now I begin to understand myself.

  • Negative effects of the attitude: That’s just absolutely right. Often because of the wrong attitude we face problems in life. If we are just aware about the negative effect, we will think twice before saying anything to anyone…
    Once again, osum post.. :) :)

  • Nice.
    Publish articles of this topic often.
    :)

  • James

    A short quote I use to remind myself of this, “Dont let the Perfect be the enemy of the good”.