
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”
Lao Tzu
Today I’d like to focus on a negative habit that creates insecurity within, erodes self-esteem and can make you feel quite unhappy with your own life.
It’s something that has sprung up as we have moved a part of our lives on to the internet and social media.
And that habit is to compare yourself and your life to other people’s highlight reels.
What do I mean by that?
That it’s so easy to start comparing your life to the lives of friends, old classmates or celebrities of all sizes as you each day see how perfect their homes, kids, love lives are and how filled their lives are with wonderful moments.
But is that their whole lives that is shared on Facebook and Instagram?
Usually not.
It’s just the highlight reel of that person’s life. The positive moments.
And it’s natural thing really, to want to share such moments or days with your friends or followers.
Now, for some people this may develop into something destructive.
Into a way of creating a more perfect image of one’s life to get that hit of instant gratification as people add positivity via comments, likes and upvotes.
But everyone has problems at times.
They fail. Get sick. Have flaws, bad days or negative habits.
No matter who you are or what you look like or do.
I have those issues too. Just like anyone else.
I still stumble and fall on some days. Doubt myself or am pessimistic from time to time. That’s human.
So don’t strive for being perfect or measuring yourself against someone else’s highlight reel.
Here are three healthier steps you can take instead:
Step 1: Compare in a smarter way.
There will always be people who have more or nicer things than you.
Or are better than you at something. No matter what you do.
So if you want to compare then do it in a way that won’t make you feel envious and inferior.
Do it by comparing yourself to yourself. See how far you have come. Look back at the obstacles you have overcome, what you have learned and how you have grown.
Step 2: Spend your energy and time on what matters the most.
Step by step spend the hours in your day and week on building habits that will make you a better person and a happier one too.
For example, aim at being optimistic 70% of the time if you have been it maybe 50% in the past month.
Or spend more of your weekly free time on your favorite hobby or on sharpening a valuable skill.
Step 3: Let go of what drags you down.
If necessary, unsubscribe or remove social media accounts from your feed if you feel they are dragging you down and lowering your self-esteem. Even if those things might also be entertaining right now.
Life isn’t just a highlight reel no matter who shares it.
So look beyond that, remember that everyone is human and stop comparing yourself to that limited view of someone.
In the long run you’ll be happy that you did.
Henrik Edberg is the creator of the Positivity Blog and has written weekly articles here since 2006. He has a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Gothenburg and has been featured on Lifehacker, HuffPost and Paulo Coelho’s blog.
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I feel pretty down. Its good to stay away from facebook and that crap. No-one really has a clue what I’m doing with my life right now. I used to be a pretty OK person. No one is around because I really choose not to be with them. I have to get a haircut for a job interview I have coming up. It will be in California. I used to run to keep myself happy. I’m just slogging in mud. Am sure glad my dogs support me.
build up some good habits, have a peace in your mind. I believe you will know more about yourself,and then have confidence in yourself.
Thanks, Henrik. Great insights and vindicating.
Thanks for the insight. It helps me explore things.
Really hit the nail on the head with social media negatively affecting your self esteem because you compare yourself to only the good in other people’s lives
What a relevant post. Today as I was making breakfast, my flatmate had the TV turned on; where they were talking about magazine photos, taking six hours to vamp up a model on the front of a magazine. (SIX hours). This sent my mind on mad tangents. How young people can be so influenced by this. How models are beautiful without having their flaws taken away. I look at magazines now and I think LIES, LIES and more LIES. And then I stumbled on your post. It is so easy to share our good times in cyber space. On a bad days we either avoid the net or want for distraction from whatever is getting us down.
Rather than comparing ourselves with others (such a waste of time), we need to critique what it is we admire, what we like that they have and how we can achieve it, only if it has become a priority. I love when people have things I have never experienced before. I want to see it, hopefully touch it – but I am generally happy that they reached a place where they got to indulge from working hard. I also love when I find a skill in someone that I do not possess. They may even regret me knowing about their special skill. Firstly I do try to mimic or learn their skill. However if that does not work and there are many occasion I have not be able to attain a particular skill set for many a different reason, I never forget they have it, so that when I may need it, I know where to go to get specialist skill advise. I want people to have things that I can learn, grow and experience. I want achievers that make me want a little of what they have or something that makes my mind leap up with excitement. I can’t feel a bad or jealous because I am always grateful that I got to see it, experience it or touch it. Whatever the case maybe. We all need to learn how to harness the gifts others have use them when required. We don’t all want to be the same. Thanks for your post, I really enjoyed it, we need more posts like this getting to the right audience.
Good supplement, noted
Mr henrick thanks a lot for sharing this valuable post with me
I do have the same problem of comparing with others but from now it may not be happen and your post ofcourse a good one
Thanks again
Well said. The working part is very important. We need train our minds towords effective progress by physically keeping a progress card. It works better that ways.
A healthy life is the value of the mentality, the meaning of existence is not for fame, but for a happy life.
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Hi,
the tip was generally good. but I want to add something. sometimes the subject of the comparison is not how much happy that person is or how much fun does s/he have. sometimes it’s about what s/he has done in life. and I myself, when I compare what others have done in their lives with what I have done, get depressed. but that is only a temporary bad side effect. the good thing is that it makes me endeavor more. and that is very good. so I say, comparison isn’t itself a bad thing. we can use it the right way. instead of being sad why my life isn’t like that, we can try more to build our lives like the thing we want.
but generally thanks for your helpful tips.
Fatemeh
Thank you Henrik for these updates :) they are very helpful <3
Enjoying all your positive thoughts. I have a ‘Brain Injury’, so my thinking sometimes gets confused when life is busy. But reading the positive blog clears my mind. Thanks for help. ???
As always, love your insights, Henrik. I do believe this is one of the most difficult things we’re faced with. How often it seems that others are more successful, happier, etc. But it’s funny–folks talk to me all the time. And the interior worlds are always far different from the exterior ones . . .
The ‘comparing yourself to yourself’ is such a great tool! Thank you.
Nice post! This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about myself.
Being a highly competitive guy, I love comparing myself to others, and I’ve found a way of turning that into an advantage!
When seeing someone who’s better than me at something, I always ask myself; does it really matter? If it’s something I don’t really care about (like someone being faster than me at a Marathon, or someone earning more money than me) then I just shrug it off. But if I DO care about it, I decide whether or not it’s worth putting in the time to beat that person.
Don’t stop comparing yourself to others – use it as a motivator to make yourself even better!
Hai your thoughts shared in my connection really inspired me to read more on the topic and would like to thank that all that you do let it be directed by him who has chosen you for this mission let your vision be spread all over each and every country and to each one living on earth.