“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
George Eliot
Getting started with doing what you deep down want to do in life can be hard.
No matter if what you want is to start exercising, create your own business on the side, write a book, see other parts of the world, improve your relationship with yourself or something entirely else.
But often we make getting started a lot harder than it needs to be by standing in our own way.
So today I’d like to share 3 things you need to stop doing to step out of your own way and make it so much easier to actually get started instead of just keep dreaming about it.
1. Stop making it a huge and vague thing in your mind.
The more you think about whatever you want to get started with the bigger it tends to become in your head.
And as you keep thinking about the various ways this could go it tends to become scarier and scarier.
So do this instead:
Get knowledge from the others who have been where you want to go.
To defuse vague fears about what could happen if you got started and about the unclear unknown, get information from people who have already gone where you want to go.
It is easier than ever to find them today.
Look them up online and read what they have written and said or send them an email.
Or go ask someone you know in real life that has done what you want to do.
Ask yourself: Honestly, what is realistically the worst that could happen?
Take a couple of deep breaths to calm down your mind a bit.
Then ask yourself this question.
You’ll realize that in most cases the worst thing that could realistically happen is not that bad.
It may sting for a bit. But it is something you can handle. And it is a situation you can find something to do about if this worst case scenario were to happen.
The clarity you get from this question can – in my experience – reduce fears quite a bit.
2. Stop trying to control everything.
Being prepared and knowing some things certainly helps.
But it can become a trap when you try to control it all or think things through 50 times to be on the safe side and to not risk making mistakes, fail or look like a fool.
What to do instead:
Realize: you will stumble and that is OK.
It happens to anyone who steps outside of his or her comfort zone. It has happened to everyone you may admire and who have lived a life that is inspiring.
It is simply a part of a life well lived.
And if you reflect on what you can learn from a mistake then that will be invaluable to help you grow and improve.
Learn to set time-limits for small decisions at first.
If you have trouble with overthinking then set a time-limit for when you have to make a decision. This might seem a bit scary though.
So start small and set a 30-60 second time-limit when trying to decide if you are going to work out or reply to an email.
Do that for a while and then move on to slightly bigger decisions. And then even bigger ones after that.
3. Stop thinking that you have to get started in a big and spectacular way.
If you have a big goal or dream or even a medium sized one then it is easy to think that you have to take an action of the same size to get started or to get where you want to go.
That is most often not true though.
What to do instead:
Go small.
Just ask yourself: what is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling with my goal/dream?
Then take just that small action.
And tomorrow or later on today you can do the same thing again. If that question still lands you in procrastination then ask yourself:
What is one tiny step I can take to get the ball rolling?
Single-task each little step.
Focus on just the one step you are taking. Nothing else.
Otherwise it is easy to get lost in thought, to go off track or to feel uncomfortable or fearful. So keep your attention on just this one action and step forward.
And after that, the next one.
Let these actions build day after day into something bigger.
And before you know it you’ll have gone quite a distance on your journey.
Henrik Edberg is the creator of the Positivity Blog and has written weekly articles here since 2006. He has a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Gothenburg and has been featured on Lifehacker, HuffPost and Paulo Coelho’s blog.
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IF IT WAS NOT FOR YOUR EMAILS …..THANK YOU HENRICK,SO MANY TIMES I HAVE NEARLY JUST SAT DOWN……..
Thanks for sharing. I love this post, especially the part about ‘stumbling is OK’. We have done so many times as kids and somehow it feels natural for children to do so. Somehow we loose this OK feeling about mistakes when we grow up. Good to read a reminder that they are OK. Actually, you have to make mistakes. It’s the only way to really learn and master something new. Love, Lieske
Thank you, Henrik, for your insightful comments and reminders! They are always helpful – in particular, the idea of just starting small to not feel overwhelmed.
I am loving your positive blog emails- making a difference in my life. Thank you so much!!
This was uploaded so timely. Thank you so much!
I take your writing seriously because you’re worth it so for the first time, I felt dismissive toward your advice, thinking ‘Nothing I haven’t read before’. Also for the first time, I asked myself ‘….well then, what is holding you back? What is the problem?’
And I saw it- I have no idea how to apportion time to anything ….yet I always feel time’s running away OR this is taking way too long. I see the irony that if I can’t measure a task’s time, how can I say it’s taking too long?
If a list of 100 tasks is broken into 10 lists of 10, with no sense of time requirement, it’s as daunting to me as the big list.
Can anyone help me out?
Thanks in advance. Ann
Ann, I also find large lists daunting. One strategy I have is to only write 3 items on my daily ‘to do’ list and to make them the most important tasks. Once they are complete, I add another 3 items, complete them, then add another 3. I find that approach much more manageable than being faced with a huge list. Hope that helps,
James
I enjoy your positive blogs. I can’t wait to see your new literature
Thank you, Henrik ~ I needed this today! Will print it out and read it daily, am on the last ten days to relocate to my new home and that is when I turn the page. There are other factors besides indecision etc. but I feel that will be my real start and this will help me refocus (and loosen up, to say the least).
Love this one..Most times its the first steps that are so hard to do..But when you take it, its wonderful!
Thanks for the post!
sounds like very good advice to me little steps to get started my self standing in my own way of reaching my goal.
Thank you very much for this article. I am going to make notes out of this and paste it on my fridge. At times I find myself anxious and wanting to quit I think this will keep me going. I an amateur dancer, I can dance but never went to school for the same. I want to build a career out of this I know it is possible. I always come up with new moves! but I’m afraid the world won’t accept me. I take videos of myself but I’m scared to share. courage is what I need.
Karabo, maybe you could pick out your best video and look at it with a critical eye. Try to pretend you are someone else, and see what you would think of your video. If you feel it’s a really good one, then make a YouTube channel and put it up. Pick a memorable name for your channel (so people can find it again) and just go for it! That would be your start. One small step after another. Don’t let any negative people get you down either. Some people are just unhappy and want others to be so, too. Another suggestion I have is to stop at times throughout the day and close your eyes and visualize your success, so you can believe it. Good luck! I’m sure you will do great!
This is impressive am really helped thanks
My life is at a standstill and I am so negative, with many aspects over many years. Putting a brave face on has become too easy, as with any excuse to do what is required.
That old saying ” you can lead a camel to water” many times I have been shown, but have not taken the second step.
The recent death of my parents, of old age. And distancing myself from my family and friends. Has left me wanting something, but I don’t know what. Spoiling the grandchildren is my only relief,…
Overweight….grabbed a gym membership last year but never went, but continue to pay monthly.
Jobs around the house are building up, but I say I haven’t the time, because of work or I’m tired ….but be damned if I will pay someone else, to do them.
My 30+ yr marriage is crumbling, as is my children’s relationship…
Depression, suicidal…hell no !
A mid life crisis perhaps, or am I again looking for another excuse. I believe it’s a lack of motivation?
I so, so, see how negative I have allowed myself to become in the last 15yrs, now when l read your messages.
Stay strong! One step at a time!
Here’s a tip I heard recently to help get you started. Leave home & start walking, when you have walked for just 10 minutes, turn around & walk home again. 20 mins exercise done!
Good tip lee…this is a real help to get the mind on track!