Image by Alex E. Proimos (license).

[hana-code-insert name=’socialbuttons’ /]“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice”
Wayne Dyer

If you are setting a new goal or establishing a new habit then it’s pretty likely that you’ll run into a motivational low point.

A point where you just feel like giving up, like it really doesn’t matter if you continue.

What to do then?

Here’s what I do instead of giving up and going home.

Reconnect with optimism.

How you perceive what you are doing or are about to do makes a huge difference. The positive and constructive way of looking at things energizes and inspires you. It makes it easier to keep going even when you hit roadblocks.

The negative and defeatist way of looking at things will on the other hand suck the motivation out of you and you’ll probably quit just as soon as you hit a roadblock or two. It is essential to develop a more constructive and optimistic way of looking at things to keep the motivation up until you have reached your goal.

A very practical way to become a more optimistic person is to ask the better questions that will empower you.

Ask the right questions that will focus on the good such as:

What is awesome about this situation?

Ask the questions that will focus on the lesson or opportunity in a situation such as:

What can I learn from this? And what is the opportunity in this situation?

And ask the questions that focus on how to solve a problem. Instead of complaining, blaming or asking why you have the problem. Ask action oriented questions like:

How can I solve this? And what is the next small step that I can take to do so?

List the positives.

List the positives of getting this thing done or reaching your goal. Do it on paper, on your computer or just in your head.

When you feel unmotivated and don’t feel like doing something it’s very easy to get stuck and just focus on the negative aspects such as it being hard work or the risk of pain or failure.

So you need to change what you are focusing on to motivate yourself to take action. Making a list of positives like benefits, possible opportunities and simply reasons why you want to do this can be very effective for turning your focus around.

Remember how far you have come and to compare yourself with yourself.

Comparing what you have and your results to what other people have and have accomplished can really kill your motivation. I believe this is one of the most common motivational mistakes people make and it can make you feel really bad even though you may be doing quite good.

So keep in mind that there are always people ahead of you. Most likely quite a bit of people. And a few of them are miles ahead. So focus on you. On your results. And how you can and have improved your results.

Reviewing your results is important so that you see where you have gone wrong in the past to avoid similar missteps further on. But it’s also important because it’s a great motivator to see how much you have improved and how far you have come. Often you can be pleasantly surprised when you do such a review.

Work out.

This is one of the most effective ways to change how you feel. I like it because even if you feel too frustrated and down to do ask yourself the right questions you can still drag yourself to the gym or wherever you go to exercise. And if you just do your pretty mindless repetitions then your body will do the rest. Endorphins, testosterone and other chemicals will be released. Inner tensions will loosen up and leave your body. Your negative emotional pattern will be broken.

After the workout you’ll be in another emotional state than you were before. Plus, you’ll probably get a boost of new energy.

Talk about it.

Sometimes you just need to let it out and talk to someone about your motivational low point.

Letting it all out can release a lot of pent up emotion and let you get a new, more positive and healthy perspective on things. Often we build our own small or medium-sized problems into big scary monsters in our minds. Letting the monsters out into the light and letting others see them can make us realize that we were making a too big of a deal of all of it. It allows us to lighten up a bit, to not take things too seriously and to start moving out of the self-created slump.

So talk to a friend or family member. Or try an anonymous internet forum with likeminded people. Perhaps you’ll even get a few pieces of great and free advice.

Remember to have fun.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the seriousness of a task and the stress and tension of completing it. So remember that you are allowed to have fun when you are working on it. There is no rule that says you have to be all serious about it all the time.

When you can, create fun in a task. Compete with yourself to finish it even faster than you did the last time, whistle a nice tune while working or have fun and joke around with your co-workers and class mates. Then, with a lighter frame of mind, you’ll stay motivated to keep working and finish it.

Take a break.

Yeah, sometimes you just need to take a break. Perhaps your time-plan for your goal or new habit is just too optimistic?

Maybe you have worked harder than you can manage right now.

Then take a break. A few hours or days of rest and recuperation can change how you feel in a remarkable way and recharge your batteries.

What is your favorite way to get out of a motivational slump?

If you found this article helpful, please share it on Facebook, Twitter and Stumbleupon. Thank you very much! =)

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[hana-code-insert name=’social down’ /]

“I never knew an early-rising, hard-working, prudent man, careful of his earnings, and strictly honest who complained of bad luck.”
Henry Ward Beacher

“We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like?”
Jean Cocteau

“Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers.”
Unknown

Luck. Some hope for more of it. Some don’t believe in it. Some think that everyone but themselves are lucky.

But can you create more of your own good luck in life? Here are a few timeless thoughts on that topic.

Work hard. Be proactive.

“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more luck I have.”
Thomas Jefferson

“To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”
Bruce Lee

This is in my experience very true. The more I work, the more I take chances and am proactive in life the more times I tend to be lucky.

Just sitting around and waiting for some good luck to land in your lap tends to be a pretty bad strategy. Creating your own opportunities and taking massive action simply gives you more of most things. Even luck.

Also, the more you practice the more you improve a deciding factor like your intuition. A better gut feeling can result in more good decisions that may seem lucky from an outside perspective.

Be prepared.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”
Seneca

“One-half of life is luck; the other half is discipline – and that’s the important half, for without discipline you wouldn’t know what to do with luck.”
Carl Zuckmeyer

Now you that you have spotted an opportunity, what to do? Exactly.

It’s a great idea to have an idea about how you can use an opportunity in a way benefits you. If you are unprepared both then it’s easy to fumble away half of your lucky moments.

So, read. Talk about what you want with others that have more experience and knowledge than you. Ask them a lot of questions. Practice, educate yourself and form effective habits so that you are ready to make good and useful decisions and put in the hard and focused work when the opportunity arises.

Luck may often just be the golden rule.

“Your luck is how you treat people.”
Unknown

As you treat someone else she or he will feel like treating you. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But over time these things have a way of evening out.

So what looks like someone being lucky a lot from an outside perspective may just be he or she using the golden rule in a helpful way.

Being unlucky can be a sort of luck for you too.

“Luck never made a man wise.”
Seneca

“All of us have bad luck and good luck. The man who persists through the bad luck – who keeps right on going – is the man who is there when the good luck comes – and is ready to receive it.”
Robert Collier

“Each misfortune you encounter will carry in it the seed of tomorrow’s good luck.”
Og Mandino

Having some bad luck can in many ways be a good thing too.

When things are rough but you somehow get through them you tend to gain strength and perhaps a bit of wisdom and perspective on life. It may not have been fun. But those gains can be very helpful in the future.

I think that things do often balance out over time. You have a bad meeting, date, day or even week. But, in my experience at least, then you often have something good happen or you get a lucky break the next day or week. Of course, in that situation it is important to be attentive and not still be focusing on that negative situation in the past.

The important thing is to keep going through ups and downs. The worst thing is when you just go passive and don’t do anything. Because then nothing seems to happen in a good long while.

I also find it useful to ask helpful questions when having a “negative situation”. Question like these:

• What is the good thing about this?
• What can I learn from this?
• What hidden opportunity can I find within this situation?

At first it might seem stupid to ask such a thing when having a bad day/meeting/test in school or date. But after a while you get used to it and your mind even starts to do it automatically from time to time.

Another important benefit of having some bad luck is what Robert Collier mentions above. When the good luck comes you are ready to recieve it.

You feel that after that bad luck you actually deserve your lucky break. This ties into hard work too. When you feel you have deserved your lucky break then you will have no or less problem with taking it.

There will be less self sabotage. There will be less situations where you start telling yourself that you can’t handle it or don’t deserve it.

You just go for it. And by having kept on going through the rough times you have gained strength and wisdom that will enable you to make the best out of this new and lucky situation.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston Churchill

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Maria Robinson

“It’s better to be an optimist who is sometimes wrong than a pessimist who is always right.”
Unknown

Negative thinking can poison what – from the outside – looks like a pretty good life with opportunities. Pessimism can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none.

With such forces controlling your inner life your outer life tends to stand pretty still. Your time here waste away. It’s a terrible thing.

But you can change. I have. And in this article I’ll share six fundamentals that have been essential for me to make that mental change.

These are things that actually work in real life to change how you view things. However, just knowing these things won’t change your thinking. You have to practice them and fail from time to time and then get back up again and keep using them until they become new habits of thinking.

Focus on what you want.

What do you think about most of the time? Your troubles and worries? If that is the case, if you spend your attention on focusing on what you don’t want then it’s easy to feed the negativity monster in your mind with more energy and to get stuck in analysis paralysis.

But if you instead spend most of your time thinking about what you want out of life in various areas then you become more focused. Your mind starts to spit out solutions to your obstacles. You feel like taking action to start moving step by step towards your goals.

So focus on what you want. Post reminders on post-its and whiteboards in your surroundings to keep your attention where it needs to be. Write down your goal and focus single-mindedly to taking yourself towards it. Ask yourself questions that helps you find the useful and positive such as:

What’s awesome about this situation?
And what is the hidden opportunity in this situation?

Be grateful for what you got.

What you want is something out there in the future. But it is also important to view what you have in the right way to keep an optimistic viewpoint.

So appreciate the little and big things in life you have instead of focusing too much on what you don’t have.

Ask yourself: what can I be grateful for in my life right now?

When I ask myself that question I often come up with simple answers such as the roof over my head, the delicious food on my table, having the opportunity to sleep in and the people closest to me.

Avoid negative generalizations.

Negative generalizations about life can really wreck your outlook.

If you for example run into an obstacle or problem then the negative thinker may generalize this as something that is just there and will continue to stay there. While the optimistic thinker views the obstacle as something temporary that can be overcome by taking action (even if that also means failing and learning a few things along the way).

If the negative thinker runs in criticism then s/he may generalize this as something personal, like the other person is out to get him/her and that s/he is somehow a bad or generally an incompetent person just because this piece of criticism.

The optimistic thinker on the other hand will keep some distance to the criticism. S/he thinks that the piece of criticism may be valid for this area of life rather than saying something about everything (if the criticism is about not being on time for meetings at work then that is the issue that needs to be corrected, it does not mean a bad performance in all areas of that job).

The optimistic thinker also keeps in mind that criticism may sometimes not be valid but will arise because the other person has had a bad day, is irritated about something else or hates some part of his or her own life.

Shape the input.

If you let pessimistic and negative thinking into your mind then it will be pretty much impossible to stay optimistic about life.

So shape the input.

Take a closer look at what movies, TV, news, books and music you consume and how they affect you. Look at how the people closer to you too such as friends and family affect your thoughts.

Then take action to reduce or cut out the most negative sources as best you can and replace that void in your life with more time with the positive influences.

Set the context for your day.

What you do early in the day often sets the context for that day. A good start leads to good day and a bad start to a bad day.

Some suggestions that will help you to set the positive context for the day:

• Spend a few minutes in the morning on thinking about what you want and your goals. This sends you off to highly motivated and focused day.
• Spend a few minutes being grateful for what you got. This sets you up for a positive mood throughout the day.
• Exercise. This will help you release inner tensions and worry and fill the space they occupied within you with new energy.
• Do the most important thing first. This is how I start my day. Today I woke up and did my usual morning ritual that ends with doing the most important thing on my to-do list. And so I started to write this article. This not only makes sure that the most important thing gets done each day. It also makes me feel good about myself and makes the rest of the to-do list feel lighter to move through.

So make an effort early in the day. It really pays off even if you may not always feel like it just after breakfast.

Be good and kind to yourself.

How you view yourself and treat yourself has a huge impact on how you view the world around you and interact with it.

You are at the centre of your world and if you like yourself and are good to yourself then it becomes a lot easier to thinking optimistically about your future and the world around you.

Here are a few of the best ways to be good and kind to yourself:

• Do the right thing. Do what you deep down think  is the right thing as much as you can – but accept that you will never be able to do it all the time – to increase your self-esteem and your sense of the things you deserve in life.
• Write down five things each night that you are grateful for about yourself. Or appreciate yourself by doing a two minute exercise where you just list small and big things about yourself that you like and good things you have done. You can do this exercise in your mind or on a piece of paper. These two self-appreciation exercises will help you create better thinking habits. Because the more you do things like these, the more this kind of thinking will naturally pop up in your everyday life too. You are changing how you think about yourself and what you have a tendency to focus on (both in yourself and in the world around you).
• Don’t beat yourself up. It’s just a stupid habit and no one will reward you for it. And it only makes it harder to improve since you will probably start to procrastinate to avoid the pain of your own future self-beatings for example.

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/denemiles/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

[hana-code-insert name=’social down’ /]“The greatest waste in the world is the difference between what we are and what we could become.”
Ben Herbster

“The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.”
Marcus Aurelius

It’s a fresh new year.

Although you can make a positive change in your life at any time most people get an extra dose of enthusiasm around this time of the year. That’s only natural.

But how do you go about making changes that will stick? How do you not wind up in the same place where you started a few weeks or months from now?

Below is a simple guide that will help you to stay on track and help you overcome or avoid some of the most common problems that people encounter when they are trying to make a change.

Choose something YOU really want.

It’s easy to tipsily declare your New Year’s resolution for 2011 when you got a glass of champagne in your hand. Or to just say something to not look totally unambitious when people ask you. But do you actually want it?

Maybe you don’t really want it that much. But the world around seems to want it. This doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve it. But it is a lot better to focus on what YOU really want. Both to steer your life in the direction you yourself want and to create positive internal motivation instead of external pressure you feel you have to live up to. Focusing and working on what you really want to achieve makes it much easier to actually make that change stick.

How do you find out what you really want to do? By thinking and by experimenting and just trying things out (the image you have of something in your head can be very different from the actual experience). Get to know what you really want in your life.

Choose a main focus.

Consider choosing one main area of life to focus on each year. This makes it easier to actually get a lot of things done and taking massive action instead of getting lost in too many commitments and getting worn out by trying to balance all areas of life.

In 2011 I will be focusing on expanding and growing my business (this website, my newsletter and my products). I have also set a smaller, secondary focus on developing and expanding and my social life and deepening relationships even more. These is the same two focuses I had last year and the ones that I want to keep working on and exploring even more this year.

Think about what area of your life that you really want to focus on. It may be the area you know deep down that needs to most improvement. Or the area that you think you will reap the greatest rewards by improving (that is how I chose my two focuses).

Find a way that fits you.

Different things fit different people. It did for example take me quite some time of trying different ways to do cardio exercise before I finally found body weight exercises. And it did take me a while to find productivity habits that makes me very consistent.

Experiment and find what works for you and what fits your personality. This will make it a lot easier to stick to your positive change and develop a relaxed consistency.

Set the goal but focus on the daily process.

I for instance use this when I write and when I workout. I don’t take responsibility for the results in my mind. I take responsibility for showing up and doing my workout/writing. The results – I become stronger and the website/my products grow – come anyway from that consistent action. And this makes it easier for me to take action when I know that is all I need to focus on. Instead of using half of the energy and focus I have available on hoping that I “reach my goal real, real soon”.

Focus on the process and you will be a lot more relaxed and prone to continue than if you stare yourself blind on the potential results that never come as quickly as you want to and puts you on an emotional rollercoaster from day to day.

Let other people help you out.

This is so important. Do not try to do it all alone. If you’re about to quit smoking ask others who have overcome the addiction what their best tips are. Do some research online and offline. This can save you pain, frustration and it can help you to keep going.

You can also tell people your goals – face to face, via email, on Facebook or your blog etc. – to get accountability and motivation to take action. And you don’t have to go it alone. Finding someone – an accountability buddy – who wants to make the same change that you want can make things easier.

Use laziness to your advantage.

I’m kinda lazy. But I use that to my advantage by for example not having any sweets or cookies in my cupboards. I only have healthy stuff there. Since I may feel the craving for something sweet or a snack from time to time but I am too lazy to go to the store I wind up eating what I have at home. A simple habit that has helped me to improve my health.

I also know that I am too lazy to go to the gym or go out running three times a week. So I workout at home. This has helped me to have very good consistency.

Such small, invisible barriers can have a great impact on your daily life in the long run. Remove them or use them or to your advantage.

Use reminders in your environment.

I have written about this many, many times since it have found it very helpful for staying on track and making a change stick.

Simply write down your goals on paper and put them where you can’t avoid seeing them every day. Your fridge, bathroom mirror and workspace are such places.

Paper works fine for this but since last year I use a medium sized whiteboard instead . There I can write – in big letters – what my main focus is, what my most important goals are and also any other important thought or perhaps quote that I want to be reminded of each and every day.

Don’t beat yourself up when you slip.

You will most likely have a few bad days and fall flat on your face even if you follow the tips above. The important thing here is to not be too hard on yourself and keep on beating yourself up for a week. That could certainly lead to giving up altogether. Plus, it’s kinda pointless.

Instead, learn what you can from the experience so you don’t have to repeat it too many times. Then get back on the horse again the next day. And keep going.

Look at it like this: 2011 will pass no matter what you do. You will arrive at New Year’s Eve this year too.

So if your fail or make some mistakes, so what? Since the time will pass no matter what you do you might as well try again. By doing that you can make this your most awesome year yet.

Take one small step today.

Don’t get stuck in planning. Or thinking that you will get started tomorrow or next week. Get the ball rolling instead. Do that today by just taking one small step towards what you want.

– – – P.S – – –

Thank you so much to the 1238 people that participated in the short survey before the holidays. You have been a great help and given me new insights on how I can help you even better in 2011.

If you found this article helpful, please share it on Facebook, Twitter and Stumbleupon. Thank you! =)

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[hana-code-insert name=’social down’ /]“May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart!”
Eskimo proverb

The holidays are here. There are Christmas decorations in almost every window, it’s freezing outside and the huge amounts of snow is glittering in the sunlight.

The holidays bring a lot of things. There is great food, awesome presents and wonderful company as you spend time with the people closest to you. But there is also the stress and sometimes negativity that often comes with the holidays.

So you may feel the need to relax and let go of some negativity.

Here are four simple and effective tips for doing just that.

1. Slow down.

First, slow down. Even if it may feel silly and if you have to force it a bit. Slow down your body, move and walk slowly.

Breathe slower and more deeply with your belly (and focus on doing just that for two minutes and see what happens).

Slow down your eating (this will not only help you to relax, it will also help you to not eat too much during the holidays since it takes about 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are full.)

Slow it all down and pay attention to what you are doing. Be here now and focus on doing just one thing at a time. By slowing down, by being here now, by not having your focus split between many things you, your body and your mind start to relax.

The stress you feel from doing the things does not come from the things, it comes from how you go about doing them.

2. Take it easy with those expectations.

Things take time. Especially around the holidays as stores, roads etc. are overflowing with people. It is just how it is and if you don’t accept that then it’s going to be some stressful and frustrated days ahead.

Take this into consideration when you make practical plans. Realize that things may take longer than you originally planned for.

And realize that even though that Christmas etc. is supposed to be a sort of perfect time of the year nothing will ever be perfect (not for long at least). Striving for or expecting perfection can be pretty dangerous.

Because you will never feel like you, what you do or what you get is good enough. Even though what you do, for example, is just fine 90 percent of the time you still feel deep inside like you are not OK. No matter what you do.

You have set the bar at an inhuman level. If you expect perfection around the holidays – or around any time of the year – then your self esteem will stay low, your stress levels will shoot up and you will feel disappointed even though things may have indeed been very good overall.

3. Tap into gratitude.

Where you put your focus does to a large degree determine how you feel and think.

Focus on the stress and how hard everything is and you will feel and think about just that. Focus on the positive things in your life right now and you will feel a lot better and think happier thoughts. Your day becomes lighter.

One of the quickest ways to shift your focus is simply to appreciate the positive things in your life right now. To be grateful for what you have.

Two ways of doing that are:

• The two minute exercise. If you’re feeling negative or stressed out use just two minutes in your day to reflect upon things that you are grateful for. It’s a small and quick thing to do but it can have a big effect on your mood – it’s hard to not feel like smiling after those two minutes – and how you view your life. Ask yourself: “what can I appreciate in my life right now? and “what can I be grateful for that I may have been taking for granted this year?”.
• The gratitude journal. Basically the same exercise as above. But here you quickly jot down 5 things you are grateful for in a journal. Do this for a few minutes each day or each week. Review the journal whenever you feel the need. Very simple but effective.

4. Take a break.

Working nonstop can sour your mood and stress anyone out. Slow down but also remember to take breaks. Take 20 minutes or half an hour to just rest.

Take a walk in the crisp and cold winter landscape. Escape via music, a book you got for Christmas or by watching classic holiday movies/TV (I usually watch some of the best Christmas-themed Simpsons episodes around this time of the year like Mr. Plow and Marge Not Be Proud).

Do something that snaps you out of the working, shopping and preparing mindset, even if it is just for while. That short change in scenery and change of mental headspace may be all you need to feel revitalized again.

That’s it. I hope you find something helpful here. Happy holidays everybody!

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