One good way to reduce the stress in your daily life and save time for something more enjoyable and/or more important is to cut down on the time you spend on email.

Here is how I have done that over the past year or so.

Effective spamfilters.

My regular email service provider here in Sweden did some changes. This meant that I got a lot more spam every day. So I switched to using Gmail instead and these days I receive extremely few spam emails. This does not only save me from a lot of deleting but also makes it easier to quickly get an overview of new emails.

Shorter replies.

In many cases you don’t have to write a lot in a reply. I try to stick to just writing 1-5 sentences if possible.

Check emails just once a day.

I check my email inbox just once a day. Usually during the hour before dinner because that is not a peak hour for me. I reserve my peak hours each day – the hours when I have the most energy and is able to focus the best – for doing my most important tasks (usually creating and writing).

I understand that checking just once a day may not be possible for everyone. But if you can then it’s a helpful choice and if you just can cut down on the checking a bit then that can help too.

Checking your email too often can, in my experience, create an emotional need where you get hooked on digitally checking the world around you to get validation (as in attention, a feeling that you are important and that you are in the loop). This can lead to sort of compulsive need to check inboxes, Facebook and Twitter 10 times a day. Not a great way to spend your day as stress levels tend to go up and you get too little of what is most important done.

Add a FAQ section or page.

I have a short section of frequently asked questions just before the contact form on this page. By using this I get extremely few of the questions I used to get a few times a day before about for example guest posting and swapping links.

This has saved me quite a bit of time and energy and I highly recommend adding a section or page like this if you have a website to cut down on the emails you get.

Ready to send responses.

It can be useful to save drafts of information that people need from you often in your email program. Then you can just paste that template into a reply and change it a little to suit that reply and what the sender is asking for. I have used this, for example, for information about the advertising options on this site where I included prices and other relevant info.

Think about what questions you are asked a lot via email. If possible add answers to a frequently asked questions section or page. If that is not possible for some questions then type your response and save an additional copy of that reply as a draft in your email program. This will save you time the next time you get that question or a similar one.

Delete.

I don’t use the delete button that much. But I get a lot of pitches for products or other things that people want me to try or write about and quite a few of them are things I have no interest in. Or it may not be relevant to my readers. So I delete.

I like constructive criticism and even though it may temporarily bruise my ego a bit it can also helpful. But harsh attacks is something I have stopped responding to. Because in my experience during these four years that I have been doing this is that they do not want to talk about things but simply lash out. I have tried sending constructive replies but never get any replies back. So nowadays I read and then delete such things.

“All I can do is be me, whoever that is.”

“He not busy being born is busy dying.”

One of the most successful and enigmatic musicians of the last hundred years must be Bob Dylan. Throughout his career, albums and awesome songs he has constantly redefined himself and both confused and enthralled listeners.

Here is some clarity though, some of my favourite words of wisdom from Dylan.

Find what you love to do.

“A lot of people can’t stand touring but to me it’s like breathing. I do it because I’m driven to do it.”

I think this is a first step that many of us have a big problem with. Or just forget about. Because when you find something you really love to do it doesn’t seem like work that much anymore.

When you do something you love you don’t have to push yourself so much. You keep going because you like doing it, not just because your want to reach some goal (although that can be exciting too). Taking action also becomes natural when you doing something you really want to do. A lot of the time you can’t wait to get going with it.

So the problem many of us encounter may not be that we don’t know enough tips to keep ourselves motivated to keep going. The problem may be that we are working on the wrong thing all together.

So do you find out what you really want to do?

I certainly don’t have all the answers for that one, but one tip is just to explore life.

To just try things out and see what you love. It’s easy to have theories about what you or may not like. But you never know until you have tried it for a while in real life.

Understand that success is today too.

“A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.”

When you read about success it often seems like something you should work towards. Something there in the distant future.

This way of thinking can lead to many ups and downs. Sometimes you feel really good and are working towards what you want in an effective way. Sometimes you feel like doing nothing. It can become a rollercoaster.

But one of the most important parts of success in area of your life is simply consistency. To get up in the morning each day and do what you know is right in your life.

Working out instead of coming up with excuses not to. Being kind and open instead of closing up and gossiping or trying to put someone down or making them wrong in an interaction or just in your head simply to feel better about yourself. Pushing a bit outside of your comfort zone instead of staying inside it and feeling safe.

How you live today and each today is very much connected to the most fundamental goals people have in life. To be healthy. To be effective and get the most important things done. To raise self esteem and self confidence and keep it at a high level (things that to a large part come from taking responsibility for each day in your life and doing what you know is the right thing to do).

So success is not about what you do in a few inspired rushes towards the goal. Things take time. Often more time than you might think. So keep an eye on where you are going. But keep your focus on the process instead of that alluring goal. Do it by making today and each day a success.

Life is change.

“There is nothing so stable as change.”

As humans, we often want to feel safe. We want certainty. And for a while we may think we have it. And then something always comes along to knock that feeling out of us.

So there is a superstition of safety. This is not just something negative though. It’s also created by your mind so you can function in life. No point in going all paranoid about what could happen a minute from now day in and day out. But there is also not that much point in clinging to an illusion of safety. So you need to find balance where you don’t obsessed by the uncertainty but also recognize that it is there and live accordingly.

As you stop clinging to your safety life also becomes a whole lot more exciting and interesting. You are no longer as confined by an illusion and realize that you set your limits for what you can do and to a large extent create your own freedom in the world. You are no longer building walls to keep yourself safe as those walls wouldn’t protect you anyway.

If you want to grow and move forward it’s not only essential to get used to the thought of life as changing and unknown but also to let go of the past. When you let go of the past then change becomes so much easier to handle. And growing becomes easier too.

Because if your goal is to get fitter, then when you let go of a self-image of being unhealthy and instead stick to the one where you are healthy you stop working against yourself. Your actions, thoughts and self-image are now aligned. And so doing the right things by eating healthy food and working out becomes the natural thing rather than something you have to push yourself to do every day.

Image by nattu (license).
[hana-code-insert name=’socialbuttons’ /]

Today I would like to share three of my favorite tips for making it easier to establish a relationship with someone. Maybe in a new class. On a date. At work or in a job interview. Or at some party next weekend.

Assume rapport.

This one can work quickly. That is, if you can suspend your disbelief for while and keep your mind open. It won’t work if you don’t think it will work.

So, what is assuming rapport?

Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?” you take different approach. You assume that you and the person(s) will establish a good connection (rapport).

How do you do that? Just before the meeting, you just think/pretend that you’ll be meeting a good friend. Then you’ll naturally slip into a more comfortable, confident and enjoyable emotional state and frame of mind. In this state of mind the conversation tends to flow more naturally too, without much thinking. Just like with your friends.

I have used this small tip many dozens of times by now and have found it surprisingly useful and easy to implement. It’s a sort of variation of acting as you would like to feel.

This tip also helps you and the other people to set a good frame for the interaction. A frame is always set at the start of an interaction. It might be a nervous and stiff frame, a formal and let’s-get-to-the-point kind of frame or perhaps a super relaxed one. The thing is that the frame that is set in the beginning of the conversation is often one that may stay on for a while. First impressions can last for quite some time.

Now, meeting your best friend might not always be the best thing to think about before a meeting at school/work. In that case you may want to try to imagine a similar meeting that went well and your interactions with the people there.

But what if you come off as a weird person? Well, that is always a risk in the beginning when you start using this tip. But I believe that most of the time such thoughts are only in your head. No one likes awkward and uncomfortable interactions. So if you just assume rapport immediately then most people that may have been nervous/felt awkward will adapt to your more comfortable and relaxed frame.

This is also a quick way to reconnect with the mental and emotional state your friends might be referring to when they give you the classic advice to “just be yourself”.

See yourself in other people.

“Who sees all beings in his own self, and his own self in all beings, loses all fear.”
Isa Upanishad, Hindu Scripture

The ego wants to divide your world. It wants to create barriers, separation and loves to play the comparison game. The game where people are different compare to you, the game where you are better than someone and worse than someone else. All of that creates fear in social situations. Doing the opposite removes fear.

That there is no real separation between beings, that we are one and the same, might sound a bit corny.

But one thought you may want to try for a day is that everyone you meet is your friend. You do this practically by using the previous tip.

Another idea is to see what parts of yourself you can see in someone you meet.

As I mentioned above, there is pretty much always a frame set in any interaction. It may make you and the others feel awkward or comfortable. But underlying such feelings is a frame of mind.

Either it asks us how we are different from this person. Or how we are the same as this person. The first frame is based in how the ego likes to judge people and create separation to strengthen itself (either through feeling better or more like a victim). The second one creates warmth, an openness and curiosity within. There is no place to focus on fear or judgement anymore.

Practise.

Although the two ideas above can be very useful, the most important thing – as with anything – is practise. By doing things and learning from mistakes, failures and successes you can improve any part of your life. Your social skills too.

But just reading some tips will not magically improve any of your skills or transform you in some way. You do that yourself by being patient and persistent.

One interesting thing I have discovered after having been interested in personal development, positive thinking etc. for a few years now is that over time you can improve what may be called emotional and mental flexibility.

What I mean by that is that you don’t become so identified with your current thoughts and emotions. You realize that they are just there right now but will not be there forever. You stop being so reactive to what happens in your surroundings and stop thinking that you need to feel/think a specific way in a specific situation.

What you feel and think becomes more of a choice. Just like you can choose to turn right or left while walking. I don’t use assuming rapport in the way I mentioned above that much anymore. I have slipped into that emotional state so many times by now I can just recall how it feels to be relaxed and comfortable and choose to put myself in that state. It doesn’t work all the time of course, but most of the time it does.

But if you have been totally identified with your feelings and thoughts for decades then it can be hard snap out of that. Choosing how you think and feel may sound kinda stupid or impossible.

That is why you need to practise. To convince itself and to silence your inner doubts your mind needs proof that this stuff actually works for you. The proof is the experiences you have.

And by practise I mean using, for example, assuming rapport a couple of dozen times. Not two or three times.

By being open and believing that this stuff works and by practising it over and over – just like a tennis serve – it become easier and easier to do it.

If you found this article helpful, please share it on Facebook, Twitter and Stumbleupon. Thank you very much! =)

Image by ePi.Longo (license).

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”
Jim Goodwin

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”
Lily Tomlin

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going to fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.”
Eddie Cantor

The world is moving at breakneck speed. Information is overflowing 24 hours a day. At work or in school we are busy, busy, busy. Lunch is wolfed down. When we get home there is still so much to do, so much we want before finally falling into the bed.

Sometimes this works fine. Sometimes this can cause problem, feelings like it’s all just too much and like you are not in control.

So I like to slow things down.

In this article I would like to explain why and how to do it practically.

If you are feeling like your speed in life is causing difficulties try one or a few of these things and see how they work for you.

1. You can lose or maintain weight.

It takes about 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are full. That’s because the food has to reach the intestines before your body starts sending signals telling your brain that you feel full. By slowing down your eating your brain can stop you before you eat too much.

I have found that that if I eat too fast then I usually eat about 15-25% more before I feel full. If you do this every day of the week those extra calories can quickly add up.

How to slow down:

• Eat before you get ridiculously hungry. If you’re really hungry it will be hard to eat slowly. The best way to avoid this is to not wait for too long but to eat when you feel just a little hungry. Or to have your meals at specified times during the day that you know from experience will be appropriate to avoid getting too hungry.
• Put down your fork between the bites. The classic advice is to put down your fork and then chew. Then to pick up your fork again after you’ve swallowed, take another bite and repeat the process. I like this tip because it forces you to slow down. Instead of taking that stressed energy from your day and just letting it power through the meal too as you quickly wolf down everything on your plate.
• Focus on the food and yourself. Not on what other people are doing.It’s easy to get drawn into someone else’s pace while eating (just like when driving or running). Be conscious of keeping your own pace instead of just unconsciously eating as fast as everyone around the table might do.

2. You can lower your stress levels.

When you feel like life is going to fast then you feel like you are losing control over it or barely hanging on. This, as you also probably have noticed, can cause a lot of unnecessary stress.

How to slow down: Simply do the things you are doing slower. If you are moving quickly then just take a deep breath and slow down your movement and your pace when walking. Drive your car and ride your bike a little slower. As mentioned above, eat slower. Take in life around you a bit instead of focusing on setting a new speed record.

3. You can gain clarity and find and do what is most important.

As everything moves a bit too fast it is easy to get lost. If you don’t think about what you are doing then you can easily get lose half your work day doing busywork. You mind just think “Hurry, hurry, hurry! What is the next thing?” instead of “What is the best use of my time and energy?”

How to slow down: When I get lost in such frantic and stressful activity I take a deep breath. I just take in my surroundings for a minute or two to relax and reconnect with this present moment. Then I ask myself:

What is the most important thing I can do right now?
Or I ask myself: If I only had two hours to work today then what would I spend those two hours working on?

As you take a breath, slow down and reconnect with what is most important a calm and focused energy and effectiveness replaces the frantic and stressed energy of a mind that is going too fast for its own good. Then you can take action and start doing the most important things one at a time.

This is not only helpful for daily decisions but for bigger decisions too. As you slow down it becomes easier to find a healthy perspective and to think things through in a clear and calm way.

4. You can get new ideas and let creativity flow again.

If your mind is constantly bombarded with new information, voices and sounds then it will be very hard to find room for creativity and for getting new ideas. Influences are good for creativity but a overload of input just makes you feel like your mind is overstuffed and like you are just trying to keep up with it all.

So you may need to slow down and free up some space in that mind.

How to slow down: Take a break. Or take a walk. Sit down in nature and watch the ocean. Or take a shower. Or take a while to just lie down on your bed and sofa and shut out the world for that time. Just be there without much thought about what you want to do or about the past or future. Just relax and be there and focus on the world around you.

The thing is that when you don’t focus on needing new ideas or on needing to be creative then your mind starts to relax and work on its own. And soon ideas start to pop up out of nowhere in your mind. Just be sure to write them down immediately as they can pass and disappear out into the world quickly again.

5. You can connect with the present moment and just fully enjoy what is happening right now.

When you are aligned with the present moment you tend to feel good and relaxed. Your mood is optimistic. You do your work in a focused manner and the social part of your life tends to go smoother and become more fun. You do things well without having to think that much at all really. You are flowing.

This is a wonderful headspace to spend as much of your week in as you can. You feel and work better this way.

This is also a good headspace to simply enjoy your life. It helps you appreciate the little and big things in life fully because you are fully there when they happen instead of planning for the future or reliving the past so intensely that you can’t fully appreciate and enjoy a meal, a conversation with a friend or a walk by the ocean.

How to slow down:

I usually just slow down what I am doing and go to a full stop. Then I take in my surroundings fully as they are happening right now for a minute or two.

I listen to the cars going by the house. I watch my desktop and the glass of water next to it. I may look out the window and see blue sky, the white snow and the cold air outside standing still. I feel the slight chilliness of the floor, the warmth in the air in this room and I feel the cold water in my mouth as I take a sip.

This is all I focus on as I slow down my day for a few minutes to move out of confusion, stress and daydreaming and into this moment. It may sound a bit odd but it makes a world of difference.

If you found this article helpful, please share it on Facebook, Twitter and Stumbleupon. Thank you very much! =)

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[hana-code-insert name=’socialbuttons’ /]“Simplicity is an acquired taste. Mankind, left free, instinctively complicates life.”
Katherine F. Gerould

“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
Albert Einstein

“First we make our habits, then our habits make us.”
John C. Noble

Over the last five years I have changed a lot about how I work, how much I get done and how well I do those things.

Today I get a lot of things done but that does not mean that my day is more stressful. In fact it is often more relaxing than it used to be. This is not because I have become some kind of superhuman but simply because I have developed a few new habits and rituals and I stick with them as best I can each day.

In this article I will share 7 of the habits that have had the largest positive impact on my daily work.

1. Single-tasking. Even during breaks.

Single-tasking means that you do just one thing at a time instead of trying to do a number of things at the same time. This is one of those tips you find listed on most productivity blogs and in many books on personal effectiveness for a good reason. It is a very beneficial way to work.

When I work this way I only focus on one thing at a time. I focus on it fully with no other thought creeping in. This helps me to do things better and in a shorter amount of time. But the most important reason why I work like this is because how it makes me feel. It makes me feel relaxed and calm. It drains a minimum of energy from me.

I try to stick to this as best I can each day, even when I take a break. If I watch a an episode of a TV-show, read a book or check a webpage during my break I still only do one thing at a time.

By sticking to the single-tasking during the whole day – even during breaks – it becomes easier to single-task and hit a state of flow when I get back to work again. And I strengthen my single-tasking habit and I tend to stay in the present moment a lot more during the day.

It may not always be possible to single-task but I recommend using it as much as you can.

2. Use a short and prioritized to-do list.

I start my day by doing the most important task. Today it was writing this article so now – just after breakfast – I am writing it.

Just before I started writing I checked my online to-do list on Teuxdeux.com (it’s free and awesome). I added a few items, moved a few of them to other days and then prioritized today’s tasks.

Then I didn’t think or plan anymore since that often leads to procrastination. I switched programs and started writing instead.

3. Use a minimalistic workspace.

My work space is just a laptop on a small black desk made out of wood. I use a comfy chair and there is room for my glass of water beside the computer.

That’s it. There are no distractions here. Just me, the computer and the water.

4. Never work after 7 in the evening.

I am strict with limits during my day. Not to become the most self-disciplined person in the world but simply to ensure that I do not work too much or too little. And to ensure that I do not spend too much time on low-priority activities.

I have set a time-limit so I always have time to wind down and relax after my day. This is also very important to me because if I work too late then I will have a hard to time to fall asleep and I find the hours in the bed less relaxing than they could be.

You may want to set another stop-limit but I highly recommend this practice to not bring home your work and to be able to fully relax during your week and not feel drained as the weekend approaches. And if you start with the most important task each day and work through your to-do list that way in a single-tasking manner then you’ll probably be done with your tasks before you reach your time-limit.

5. Check everything just once a day.

I check my email inboxes, blog statistics, my online earnings, Twitter and Facebook just once a day. I combine all that checking into one small daily ritual so I don’t slip and go checking it more during the day and waste my time, energy and attention.

6. Check everything at the end of the workday.

I do the inbox etc. check mentioned above at the end of my workday. This is to make sure that I do get the most important things done first. If you check these things too early or too often then the day just seems to fly by and you didn’t get much done at all.

If you can’t always prevent or eliminate doing those less important things then at least postpone them for a few hours so that you can make a dent in your most important work.

7. Simple refocusing.

Over my simple workspace there hangs a small white board. It has three sentences written on it. All of them help me simplify my day. From the top:

• “Keep things extremely simple”. When I lose my way during the day and slip into procrastination or overcomplicating  things I can just look up and remind myself about how to go about things.
• “Clean work”. This one reminds me to single-task and to just do one thing at a time fully focused during my whole workday.
• “There is no problem”. I have (or my mind has) a tendency to sometimes start to look for problems where there really are none. If I feel I have a problem I usually look up and read this sentence. It helps me to think things over once again. Sometimes I find that there really is a problem that I can solve. Oftentimes I discover that the problem may just be something have I have created in my mind. And so I let it go.

What is your best tip to simplify and/or relaxify the workday?

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