“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention.”
Jim Rohn

“If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it.”
Olin Miller

A couple of months ago I got my first smart phone, a couple of years after most people up here in Sweden.

It is actually kind of awesome, especially when you have had an old Nokia for about half a decade.

With my new smartphone can check the news or any website at any time of the day, read books, play fun games like Where’s My Water? and Flick Golf and listen to Spotify. And I’ll have an awesome guide with loads of pictures, info and a map for when mushroom hunting season begins here in the summer/early fall.

But in the first few weeks of using it I also noticed that I felt more stressed. I started to procrastinate more by playing games on the phone or by doing random internet browsing. My attention span got chopped up into smaller pieces. I checked the phone too much while spending time with others and I started to feel addicted to doing something on the phone many times a day.

So something had to change. Here’s what I did – and a few general tips – to reduce the phone usage, minimize the negative effects and still enjoy the capabilities of this new tool. These tips can also be used if you are for example having similar problems with your computer.

Create small obstacles.

This is very simple and a boundary I have written about many times when it for example comes to eating healthier.

I set up a small obstacles to using the phone. When I sleep it is not in the bedroom with me but in drawer beneath the desk in my workspace. When I work during the day or hang out at home during the evening I keep the phone in the bedroom.

By putting up small obstacles like these I make sure that the phone is not by my side all the time and the procrastination by phone has dropped to about zero. And if someone calls or sends me a text message I will still hear it most of the time.

So if you can, prevent the easy access and what that tends to result in and put the phone somewhere where you can’t see it or where you have to get up and take a whole bunch of steps to get it.

Shut it off at a certain time each day.

I personally don’t use this for my phone but if you get a lot of calls every day then shutting it off at a certain time at the end of the workday and getting back to people tomorrow can prevent a lot of stress and inner negativity.

This is what I have noticed when using this tactic for my computer where I am writing this right now. I shut it off at seven o clock in the evening at the latest – but usually earlier that that – and it stays off until the next morning. By doing all my work on this computer and using our other computer for watching a movie for instance I draw a boundary that helps me to stick to my work schedule for about 95% of the time.

This has helped me to not become overworked and to decrease stress.

Bunch checking.

Instead of checking your Facebook, Twitter, email and other social media whenever you feel like it during the day and becoming hooked on that try bunching the checking. Try to just check all those accounts and inboxes once a day in one combined session at the end of your workday.

Or if you just use Facebook etc. for your personal life then limit it to one check a day or to checking it once just after lunch and once in the evening.

The less you check it and the later in the day you check it, the less you feel addicted to it. That has been my experience at least.

Get a life.

Of course, nowadays much of life is in the phone. We can check what friends and colleagues are up to and keep in touch and discuss things on the phone.

But the phone can also become a sort of replacement where it becomes easy to spend time instead of going out and having other experiences and being there fully. Stuff like being out in nature, playing sports or playing in a band, working towards your biggest goal, having uninterrupted conversations or a fun night out.

Simply by filling your life with a bit more fun or exciting activities, people face to face and the things you want out of life you won’t have time or as many reasons to use the phone that much anymore.

If you found this article helpful, then please share it with someone else by using the buttons below. Thank you! =)

“If you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry it’ll change. If you’re in a good situation, don’t worry it’ll change.”
John A Simone

Some days go well. Other days can feel lackluster. Some days may start out pretty good but turn bad.

What can you do when you are having a bad day?

I like to ask myself a few helpful questions. These questions help me to regain a more optimistic and constructive perspective when I feel like doing nothing, dwelling on a problem or when I am in a bad mood.

Sometimes they help me to switch my perspective quickly.

Sometimes they at least help me to see a bit of sunlight at the horizon and slowly I make a transition from having bad day into something a bit better.

[continue reading…]

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.”
Bertrand Russell

“Sometimes the most urgent thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.”
Ashleigh Brilliant

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”
John Lubbock

Maintaining a balance in life is perhaps harder today than ever. Demands in school or at work can push down on you. Information is flooding like a never-ending river into life. The opportunities to explore different things have never been so abundant.

If you don’t set limits and work in a balanced way you can become drained, overworked and in the end even burn out for quite some time.

So what can you do about this serious challenge? Well, I do not have all the answers.

But I have some. I have found a couple of things that work well for me. If I do not do them regularly I tend to become cranky, feel drained and my thoughts tend to become more pessimistic. But when I stick with these habits – which is fortunately most of the time by now – I can maintain a balance that allows me to do good work and feel good.

1. Set your clear boundaries for the day.

This is extremely important, at least for me. I have to have limits to properly balance work with relaxation.

So I do not work after 7 o clock in the evenings. I do not work before 8 o clock in the morning.

I also recommend finding a balance within the work hours. Take breaks during your day to stay sharp and to have energy for the evenings and weekends too. I usually work for about 45 minutes and take a 15 minute break per hour. During that break I get away from the computer and do something different like going out for fresh air, eating something or watching half an episode of the Simpsons.

I could work more each day. But working without breaks except for lunch tends to make the quality of my work to suffer pretty quickly. You may not able to take breaks like that at your job, but take the breaks you can where you are.

Since I work from home it can in its own way be hard to keep away from working further into the evening. There is no office or school to leave.

Since I have the fortune to have two computers I use the one I am writing on right now for work. It is powered down by 7 o clock or earlier. And then it stays shut off until the next morning. This way I draw a boundary that helps me to stick to my work schedule for about 95% of the time.

2. Do not work on weekends.

I try to stay away from the usual impressions and routines during the weekend. I usually take one media- and internet free day. I rarely check my emails on Saturdays or Sundays.

Instead I spend time with my girlfriend, friends, family, a good book or movie or I do some other fun activity.

This relaxes and recharges me. By having strict limits like I have described so far in this article and by doing different activates during the rest periods compared to the work periods I am being kind to myself and so I can most often avoid the grey zone.

When you are in the grey zone you are basically thinking and worrying about work when you are at home or you having a day off. Or you think about your home life and challenges there when you are at work.

Avoid the grey zone. It sucks the life out of you.

3. Handle the 3 fundamentals of energy in a good way.

If you have read any of my books you have probably heard about these 3 fundamentals. They are quite obvious but if you manage them well then life and work become a lot easier and lighter to handle.

The three fundamentals are: getting enough sleep, eating well and getting enough exercise.

If I do not eat well or get enough exercise in week I tend to become more tense and worried. I have less energy. I find it harder to make decisions and to take action.

If I do not get enough sleep I feel more stressed, thinking clearly becomes harder and negative thoughts tend to pop up more frequently in my head.

Sticking with the two first tips in this article can help you to get more sleep because it is easier to get sleep well when you are not stuck in the grey zone. Getting your regular exercise – walks to and from work or school is a simple way to get more movement and fresh air into your life – does in my experience also help with getting quality sleep.

So be honest with yourself and take a look at how you are managing your own three fundamentals. If you find something you want to improve then take a small action to get that ball rolling today.

4. Listen to yourself.

When you become more irritable, start to feel drained, tired and creativity plummets listen to that. Do not plod on straight into the brick wall.

Instead, schedule more time to take care of yourself. Instead of running off with your regular routine after school or work, take the time you have for yourself and spend much of it on yourself. Just stay in bed with a book for the evening. Or go out for quiet walk in nature. Do something you know relaxes and recharges you.

No one will reward you for running into that wall and feeling even worse or even becoming burned out. Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself and prioritize your health to be able to continue to give value to your world in the way you do at work and in your personal relationships.

5. Ask yourself questions that bring clarity to your work.

Regularly reevaluate how you are working.

One good way to do so is to ask yourself questions that bring you clarity, help you focus on the most important things and perhaps to find a new and healthier perspective. Questions that snap you out of busy work, checking your email for the tenth time today and that make you pause for a second and look at how you spend your life.

• Will doing this matter 5 years from now? Or 5 months from now? Or even 5 weeks from now?
• Is doing this bringing me closer to my goal?
• Why am I doing this?
• What are my top 4 priorities in life? How am I balancing them in my life right now? What is one thing I can do to find a healthier balance in how I spend my time and energy?

As always, you do not have do any of these things perfectly. I don’t. But by taking small steps, by increasing the percentage of time when you do the right thing or take the more positive action your life will change for the better.

If you found this article helpful, then please share it with someone else by using the buttons below. Thank you! =)

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”
Confucius

I love simplifying my life.

It makes me more effective and life less stressful. It makes me calmer, more energetic and happier.

So today I’d like to share 42 ways for you to simplify your life.

I hope you’ll find something inspiring and helpful among these tips.

1. Mix things up.

Try the opposite. Have the vegetarian dish if you always go for the meat.

Walk away from a stupid conflict instead of making it worse. Let one thing go if you often cling to things.

Make a habit of mixing things up to grow your life in small or bigger ways.

And to make it easier and simpler to step out of your comfort zone in general when you really need to.

2. Get up 20 minutes earlier. 

This will help you to reduce stress in the morning and during the rest of the day.

3. Be 10 minutes early for meetings and appointments. 

This will help you to make your time of travel a time of rest and relaxation instead of stressful. And you will not be late.

4. Single-task.

You be more focused, less stressed and get to done more quickly.

So do one thing at a time and do it with your full attention.

5. Ask yourself: am I keeping things extremely simple?

If not, figure out how you can do that in the situation you are in.

6. Ask yourself: will this matter 5 years from now?

Or even 5 weeks from now? Do this to avoid making mountains out of molehills.

7. Buy things with the money you have earned and saved.

Avoid getting into debt.

8. Learn a few recipes and cook.

You’ll save money and probably eat healthier.

9. When you cook, cook more than you’ll eat. 

This will help you to spend less time on cooking and washing dishes.

And you’ll have an extra dinner or two to just reheat when you don’t have time or energy to cook.

10. Write things down.

Pretty much everyone’s memory is leaky. So help yourself.

Write down what you need to do or shop for today.

Write down what your top 4 priorities in life are and post that note where you can see it every day.

11. Remember that life is larger than you may think it is.

You do not know everything and you are not always right. 

Remembering this makes it easier for me to learn things, to accept other viewpoints, to create changes and to stay more open.

12. Risk making mistakes. Learn from them.

Then do again with that helpful new experience and knowledge in mind.

13. Do what YOU really, really, really want to do.

Do not get stuck in trying to live someone else’s dream.

14. Go grocery shopping once a week.

You’ll save money and time if you make the effort to plan for a week and to shop for it all at once.

15. Go grocery shopping when you not hungry. You’ll buy more healthy food instead of impulse buying yourself through the store.

16. Enjoy the simple pleasures of living a simpler life.

An apple, the latest episode of your favorite show, fresh and clean bed sheets, a hug and kiss, holding hands, the sun and blossoming nature after a long and cold winter.

17. Have a glass of water.

Instead of eating when you are bored or when are having a craving have 1-2 glasses of water.

This will help you to keep to those cravings away until the next meal and to maintain your health and weight.

18. Eat slower.

Make your lunch time a time of relaxation rather than a time to just add to the stress of your morning.

Try putting down the fork between bites to slow down the eating.

19. Be kind.

Be kind to other people and especially to yourself.

20. Write shorter emails.

1-5 sentences is often enough.

21. Write emails only once a day.

Batch and process them all at once all the way to an empty inbox.

22. Learn about ways to keep stress down and try them out.

Examples would be mindfulness, setting human standards for yourself and saying no.

A few such habits can help you to drastically cut down on the stress in your life.

23. Give everything its home.

Then you know where to put the item when you have used it. You’ll know where to find it when you need it again.

And you’ll reduce the clutter in your home or work space.

24. Slow down and enjoy and pay attention what is actually happening today.

Instead of just rushing through the day and always on to the next thing.

25. Spend more time with people who make life simpler.

And less time with people who make life unnecessarily complicated.

26. Exercise every week.

This will reduce stress, up your energy levels and in my experience reduces negative thoughts.

27. Declutter.

Declutter your life of the things that aren’t really that useful or meaningful for you anymore.

Give that stuff away to someone who needs it. Or throw it out.

A question that can help you to know if it is time to declutter something out of your life is: have I used this item in the last year?

28. Look for advice from people who have been where you are.

Learn from people who have been in the situation you are in and had the challenge you are having.

29. Stop trying to please everyone.

There will always be people who you don’t get along with or that do not like you for some reason.

30. Break a task down into smaller and actionable pieces. 

Single-task that first piece until it is done. Then do the same with the next piece. And so on.

31. Stop trying to do things perfectly.

Go for good enough instead and when you are there you are done. Get things all the way to done this way and then move on to the next thing.

32. Take a minute and just breathe a couple of times a day.

This will help you to reduce the stress and overwhelm of your day.

It will help you to reconnect with the present moment, to create a habit of living more mindfully and to focus all your attention on what is happening right now.

33. Spend just 20% of your time on dwelling on a problem and 80% of your time focusing on a solution.

Instead of the other way around.

34. Focus on a few priorities in your life.

Keep things simple to be able to put enough effort, attention and energy into those most important things.

Rather than becoming spread too thin, rarely finishing things and being distracted by all those many other things you want to do or that feel you need to do too.

35. Keep a journal. 

By writing the facts and your thoughts and feelings down in a journal it becomes easier to work through a challenge and to find a good solution.

You can also use a journal to track your actual results instead of guesstimating how your life is going.

And to better remember all the things that you did well or that went well if you worry often or have quite a bit of negative thoughts.

36. Stop doing what you don’t like doing anymore.

Life changes and so do you.

If you you don’t like doing something anymore then perhaps it is time to stop doing that (even if it may take some time before you can do so by for example switching jobs).

37. Use a very simple workspace.

My work space is just a laptop on a small black desk made out of wood.

I use a comfy chair and there is room for my glass of water beside the computer. That’s it.

There are no distractions here. Just me, the computer and the water.

38. Spend 15 minutes each Sunday to plan the next week.

Write down your plans for the week, organize your prioritized to-do list and get ready for the week before you are in the middle of it all.

This will help you to find more clarity, get more of the most important things done next week and minimize stress.

39. Cancel subscriptions.

For example for TV-channels, newsletters and magazines you rarely get around to watching or reading anyway.

40. Ask instead of guessing.

Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate.

This will help you to minimize unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste or time and energy.

41. Make one change at a time and start small.

Focus on one habit or area at a time. If you want to start running or decluttering, start with doing just a few minutes of that activity a day or week.

Then gradually increase the amount of time you spend on that activity to make it easier to adopt the new habit.

42. Be lazy.

By using the tips in this article you’ll be able to get things done more quickly and in a simpler way.

This will give more time in a regular week to simply be lazy. To just take it easy alone or with family or a friend, to not do much at all.

I highly recommend spending time with being lazy every week to relax, to mindfully enjoy the small pleasures of life and to recharge yourself so that you can be effective and focused again later on.

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”
Henry James

“Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
Mother Teresa

No relationship in the world is more important than the one you have with yourself.

But still, people often have a far worse and far more destructive relationship with themselves than they have with other people.

So in this article I’d like to explore 7 habits that can help you to form a better and happier relationship with yourself. And as an extension of that probably better relationships with the people around you too.

1. Talk to yourself before you drag yourself down.

We all have an inner critic. The critic can spur you on to get things done and to behave in way that gains acceptance from the people around you. But it can also drag you and your self-esteem down.

The inner critic whispers or shouts destructive thoughts in your mind. It could be thoughts like:

• You are lazy and sloppy, now get to work.
• You aren’t good at your job at all and someone will figure that out and throw you out.
• You are worse or uglier than someone else.

But you don’t have to accept that. You can reduce this inner, negative self-talk and change how you see yourself. You can do that by talking back.

Simply create a stop word or stop-phrase that you say or shout in your mind whenever your critic pipes up with a distorted and self-esteem hurting thought.

Say: Stop!

Or use something else. I like these two phrases:

• No, no, no, we are not going there!
• No, that is just stupid.

They have worked well for me to get the inner critic to shut up. Try these ones out or create one that feels good and works for you.

Then use it to not get dragged down by your own inner critic when it may get triggered by for example criticism or a mistake in everyday life. And as you use the word or phrase and it becomes a habit and as you find healthier paths towards what you want your critic will pop up less and less.

2. Find a balance between yourself and your world.

Some people tend to focus a little too much on the outside world. They try to help the people there and be of service at the expense of their own lives and mental and physical health.

Others tend to focus too much on their own thoughts and what is happening inside of their heads. And so much overanalyzing is done and beliefs that everyone cares more than they do about what you do are formed and strengthened.

The solution here is to find a bit more balance.

If you tear yourself apart and are not very kind to yourself in order to serve others people then take a step back. Take time for yourself and say no to some commitments so that you have more time and energy for yourself.

It is not selfish to take time for yourself too, we all need balance in life and to better be able to help others you need to help yourself too. Otherwise you’ll feel worse and worse as time passes and you’ll be of less and less help to others.

If you tend to get lost in your own thoughts too much and in overanalyzing, then learn to simplify your thinking as I described in this previous post.

And remember: people do not care that much about what you do. They are busy with their own projects and challenges and with worrying about what other people may be thinking of them.

3. Cultivate a healthy motivation habit.

Why does destructive self-talk thrive and continue? Well, because it has some upsides too. For example, by calling yourself various things, by beating yourself up you can spur yourself on to get things done and to keep going towards your goals.

But this way of motivating yourself is also destructive to your self-esteem and can make the path and journey towards the goal a lot heavier, less exciting and unhappier than it needs to be. And that is big problem since we spend most of our days on that journey.

So give yourself a break. Be kinder to yourself and talk back to yourself when those destructive thoughts pop up to spur you on. And find other, more healthy ways to stay motivated. Some examples of that would be:

• Remind yourself of the benefits. Write down the benefits you will get from following this new path or reaching a goal. Like for example getting into better shape and having more energy for your kids and the people close to you. Or making more money and through that being able to travel and experience wonderful new things. Save the list and put it somewhere where you will see it every day. This is a powerful way to reconnect with your motivation and reasons for taking action.
• Refocus on doing what YOU really, really like to do. When you really like doing something then the motivation to do it comes automatically (most of the time). And when you really want something then it simply becomes easier to push through any inner resistance you feel. So if you lose your motivation, ask yourself: Am I doing what I really want to do? If not and if possible, refocus and start working on that very important thing instead.
• Remember how far you have come and compare yourself with yourself. Comparing what you have and your results to what other people have and have accomplished can really kill your motivation. There are always people ahead of you. So focus on you. On your results. And how you can and have improved your results. This is important because it’s a great motivator to see how much you have improved and how far you have come.

4. Give yourself a break and think in percentages rather than always.

I sometimes hear that you should always be positive or always be winning or working towards your goal.

That may sound inspirational in theory. But reality is not ideal or perfect and neither are you and I. Life gets in the way sometimes. You may get in your own way. And sometimes you simply don’t have the energy or the courage or the time to do something.

And that is OK. Instead of trying to live up to some perfect image that other people and/or you may press upon you, choose to set human standards for yourself. Choose to give yourself a break when things don’t go as you may have wished and choose to cut yourself some slack. Instead of beating yourself up mercilessly.

One approach that works for me is to think more in percentages than absolutes and to set the bar for yourself a little higher than it is now. For example, aim at being optimistic roughly 75% of the time if you are optimistic 50% of the time now. Aim at taking action on your thoughts 60% of the time. Then raise the bar slowly over time – but not all the way to 100% – to both be able to improve and to be able to be kind to yourself.

And accept that you will make mistakes or have temporary failures a certain percentage of the time. Such is life. But of course learn from those things and avoid making the same mistakes over and over.

5. Change your input to things that are kind and constructive.

Destructive messages from the people around you or from people further away such as media, advertising and society in general does not help you to be kind to yourself.

So, bit by bit, replace them with other daily and weekly input.

It could be the encouragement of friends and family and the help from someone close who has been in a situation that you are in now.

It could be practical personal development books and blogs that helps you out with real solutions to the challenges you face and the goals you want to achieve.

It could be spending more time in nature and in silence to relax and recharge yourself.

Make more conscious choices about what you want flowing into your mind instead of just going along with same old habits.

6. Find what works for you.

We are not all the same and we have different needs. It is important to find what works for you to be able to be kinder to yourself.

This blog or I do not have all the answers. Obviously. So explore other books and blogs too to find the solutions you really need. Explore various options and try different strategies to find something that really fits you.

Also, look for a solution that seems appropriate for the level your challenge or problem is on. There is a difference between getting a bit nervous before a meeting at work or a date and having a big panic attack and feeling like you can’t breathe or are about to faint.

If you have a serious problem, then please seek professional help. The advice on this blog, for example, is for small or medium sized problems (at least as I experience it). If you have a really bad problem then the advice here or on other blogs or in books may still help you a bit.

But I still believe that best option in such situations is to seek professional help. Perhaps one on one counseling with someone with vast experience, someone that comes highly recommended.

7. Know why it is the smart choice to be kind to yourself and remind yourself of that regularly.

By knowing the reasons why it is smart to be kinder to yourself it, in my experience, becomes easier to be kind to yourself. It becomes easier to stop attacks from your inner critic by telling it that what it says is not a good way to motivate oneself. And it becomes easier to simply dismiss what the critic is saying.

By reminding yourself of the reasons such as better real-life results, more perseverance, higher self-esteem, more inner happiness and stillness, more positive relationships with yourself and other people it becomes easier to stay kind to yourself through life’s natural ups and downs.