“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”
Self-doubt can be a troubling and persuasive voice that holds you back.
It holds you back from seizing your opportunities.
It makes getting started or finishing things harder than they need to be.
Sure, it can sometimes be useful as it helps you to soberly see your current limitations or simply recognize a half-baked or bad idea. But mostly, those negative thoughts hold you back in life and from many of the good things and good times in it.
So how can you get around that, how can you overcome those times of self-doubt so that you can move forward once again?
In this article I’ll explore 13 tips and habits that have helped me to decrease that destructive inner voice.
Bonus: Download a free step-by-step checklist that will show you how to overcome self-doubt (it's easy to save as a PDF or print out for whenever you need it during your day or week).
1. Say stop.
First, when your inner doubts bubble up, be quick.
Don’t let them spin out of control or grow from a whisper to a stream of discouraging sentences that make you doubt your own abilities and warp small failures into big ones. Instead, talk back to that doubtful part of yourself.
In your mind, say or shout something like: No, no, no, we are not going down that road again.
By doing so you can disrupt the thought pattern and stop that inner critic from taking over.
2. Look to the past and awash yourself in the memories.
Be real with yourself and ask yourself this important question:
How many times when I doubted myself or feared something would happen did that negative thing come into reality after I still took action?
The answer for me – and probably for you too – is not very often at all.
Self-doubts are most often just monsters in your head that your mind may use to keep you from making changes and to keep you within the comfort zone.
If you look to your past experiences and see how well things have gone many times despite those self-doubts then it become easier to let go of them or to ignore them, to reduce fear of failure and to focus on the more likely positive outcome and to take action.
3. Talk to someone about it.
When you keep your thoughts on the inside they can become distorted, exaggerated and not very much in line with reality or reasonable expectations.
This is very much true when it comes to thoughts and feelings of self-doubt.
So let them out into the light. Talk to someone close to you like a good friend about your self-doubts.
Just letting them out and saying them out loud can often help you to hear how exaggerated these thoughts have become.
And by talking about those doubts with someone that is supportive you can get a change in perspective.
4. Don’t get stuck in the comparison trap.
If you compare yourself to other people all too often, to their successes and especially to the high-light reels that friends, family members or celebrities share on social media then self doubt – especially in the form of imposter syndrome – can quickly creep up.
The best way to way to go about things is instead to compare yourself to yourself. To see how far you have come. To see what you’ve overcome.
And to see how you’ve kept going, succeeded and grown as a human being.
5. Start keeping a journal.
Keeping a journal can be a helpful habit for many reasons. When it comes to self-doubts it can help you to:
Keep a realistic record of your life.
And help you to remember the positive things, the successes you have had and how you have overcome obstacles if you are prone to remembering things with a negative slant and to focusing too much on past failures.
Gain clarity more easily.
It is often easier to alleviate fears and doubts and to gain clarity if you have an issue laid out on paper or in a computer document rather than if you try to go through it all in your mind.
By making lists of pros and cons, going through your thoughts and emotions and similar events from the past and by writing down different perspectives on the issue it becomes easier to find solutions and to see your challenge in a clearer and more level-headed way.
6. Remember: people don't care that much about what you do or say.
When you worry about and have a hard time with what others may think or say if you do something then your level of self-doubt can quickly increase and you get stuck in inaction and in fear.
When that happens then a good idea is to remind yourself that the truth is that people don't really care that much about what you do or not do.
They have their hands full with thinking about themselves, their kids and pets, jobs and upcoming sports matches and with worrying about what people may think of them.
7. What someone said or did might not be about you (or about what you think it is).
When someone criticizes you then it’s easy to start doubting yourself.
When someone rejects you and you don’t get a second date after that first one that you think went pretty well then it’s not so strange to get down on yourself.
But what if what he or she said or did isn’t really about you at all?
Perhaps your co-worker that verbally lashed out at you is having a bad day, month or marriage.
And you might not have gotten that second date because the other person’s mom got sick and he had to focus on that or because he reconnected with his ex-girlfriend and wanted to give their relationship another shot.
You don’t know everything that’s going on in another person’s life. And the world doesn’t revolve around you.
So be careful so you don’t misinterpret and build blame and doubt within without any reason.
8. Get a boost of optimism.
Let someone else's enthusiasm, motivation and constructive optimism flow over to you.
Spend 20 minutes with a an audio book, a podcast or a book that gives you that. Tim Ferriss' podcast has helped me with this recently and I've over the years often listened to audio books by Brian Tracy to get this boost.
This quick 20 minute session can greatly help you to shift your unhealthy self-doubt into optimism, into more positive self-talk and into thinking constructively about your challenge.
9. See a setback as temporary.
When you have a setback then you may start to see things through a negative and dark lens. You might see this current setback as something that will simply be your new normal.
This way of looking at things can trap you in thinking that there's no point in continuing to take action and undermine your mental health.
Remember: You are not a failure just because you failed.
Setbacks happen to all successful people and to everyone who take chances. It is simply a part of living life fully.
Sometimes things go well and sometimes they don't. So don't make a failure into this huge thing or into your identity.
Ask yourself: what is one thing I can learn from this setback?
Use the mistake or failure to your advantage and to move forward once again in smarter way.
10. Sharpen your skills.
If you, for instance, often get self-doubt and a lack of confidence before a presentation in school or at work then sharpen your presentation skills.
Read a few books about it and practice at home in front of a mirror or in front of a friend. Or join Toastmasters to get the experience or knowledge you need.
Then you'll feel more confident, competent and relaxed in such challenging situations.
11. Don't beat yourself up about it.
A common way to handle self-doubt is to get angry at yourself and your lack of motion. To try to beat yourself up as a way to get yourself to move forward.
That does not – in my experience – help that much (it usually just strengthens low self-esteem).
I have found that being kind and constructive when feeling self-doubt is a better choice. So I use kind and understanding words towards myself but I also ask myself:
What is one very small step I can take to move forward in this situation?
Then I take that very small step and start to step by step move towards where I want to go.
12. Celebrate that small step and win.
When you’ve taken one small step forward – for example set up your own website or gone for the first 5 minute run in months or years – and you’re done with it then you have a win.
It may be a small one but it’s still a win. So celebrate it.
Have a tasty snack or your favorite food for dinner, spend some time on your favorite hobby or buy yourself something you’ve wanted for some time now.
This will renew and recharge your motivation and make taking action feel more exciting and fun. And that will push self-doubts aside so that you can keep moving and get more small and bigger wins.
13. Remember: You can course-correct along the way.
Trying to plan every move you will make on a journey towards a goal or dream can become draining and lead to quite a bit of self-doubt.
And it it usually don't work that well anyway since the best laid plans often start to fall apart a bit or need some change when they are confronted with reality and the present moment.
So do a bit of rough planning and then start your journey.
And remember that you can always course-correct along the way towards what you want. Empowered by the new knowledge, experience and feedback you will get as you keep going on that path.
Here’s the next step…
Now, you may think to yourself:
“This is really helpful information. But what’s the easiest way to put this into practice and put a stop to the self-doubt right away when it pops up?”.
Well, I’ve got something special for you…
A free step-by-step checklist that includes all the steps in this article… save it or print it out so you have it for your daily life and for the next time when self-doubts start to grow.
Download it now by entering your email below.
Comments on this entry are closed.
I love #7. I know so many people who internalize (deeply!) comments that were never really meant for them. Allowing other voices to impact your choices and decisions is unwise as we never really know where others are coming from. As you said, someone may just be having a bad day, and his/her comment was about that internal stress.
A Great Post! I Really needed this! Thank you for Sharing! Happy New Year!
Thanks. It was really a wonderful article. All the things said about self-doubting are very much applicable to me. And the solutions to discard them I will definitely keep in mind and practice keeping the negative voice of my inner critic down.
I read your article, it’s nice article i like it.
also i suggest one other article “How to Keep Yourself Motivated”
Excellent! Self doubt is something that I often struggle with. In the past it was easier to handle but after a string of unfortunate events it became practically crippling. #8- Get a boost of optimism is something that really helps me. I love watching motivational videos on youtube. It is helpful to have someone in your ear telling you that you can do it!
Many thanks for your 13 powerful ways truly inspirational :)
I really love this. I think that self-doubt causes us so much pain, it creates this self-sabotaging behavior stemmed from our own fears. When fear consumes us, that’s the same as letting our self-doubt consume us. I love that you mentioned we can reset our course, that’s always a good choice!
Hey- Such a nice writing. Keep going.
Related to #1, I started telling myself the opposite of the negative voice. When my brain screams, “Oh, God, you’re never going to get all this work done.” I stop it in its tracks and say, “I am getting it done.” And that even frees my brain up to think of ways to make it true.
Related to #8, I love me some Brian Tracy. Dan Miller too. I’ve come to realize that while a healthy snack can be the perfect pick-me-up when I’m feeling a little tired in the middle of the day, a bit of positivity plucked from a blog like this or a book or audiobook is the equivalent for motivation fatigue.
A bunch of thanks for you… all of i need is reading your articles..
Small step forward is a win, very true. Even a fall on the face is forward movement. Try to stay on the light side.
Overcoming self-doubt is a constant, daily battle for me. In addition to practicing many of your ideas, Henrik, I keep a notebook of affirmations that I have received from people I respect and I revisit these words of encouragement whenever I’m feeling inadequate or doubting my ability to do something.