Frustration. It winds you up and can take so much out of you.
Because it not only sucks energy but also distracts you and can steal quite a bit of time.
So what can you do?
Well, sometimes that frustration can actually be a positive and can give you a new idea or angle on things. Or it can give you the power to keep going just a little bit more until you reach your goal.
But when you start going in circles, when the frustration just makes you mad or your mind foggy and the day is starting to slip through your fingers then there are steps you can take.
There are ways to turn such a state of mind or day around.
Into something better. Into something more helpful. And into something that will make you feel better again.
Bonus: Download a free one-page step-by-step checklist that will show you how to overcome frustration (it's easy to save as a PDF or print out for whenever you need it during your day or week).
Step 1: Be here now.
When you are frustrated then you are often somewhere in the future in your mind. Somewhere you wish you would be. Or you are reliving a stumble or failure from your past.
Snap out of those headspaces and calm down by focusing your mind and attention on what is now, right here at this moment.
You can do so by for example:
Focusing on your breathing.
Sit down, close your eyes and just focus on the air going and out of your nose for 1-2 minutes.
Take calm and slightly deeper breaths than usual and breathe with your belly and not your chest.
Focus on what is around you at this time.
The sun shining in through your window. The kids playing out in the street and the cars and people going by. The smells and feeling of the clothes and warmth of the sun on your skin.
Do this for 1-2 minutes to get your attention back to the present moment.
Step 2: Appreciate what you do have.
After you have pulled your attention back to where it can be most helpful focus it on what is still positive in your life.
The quickest and easiest way to do so is to focus it on appreciating what you do have.
A favorite of mine during this step is the important things we may sometimes take for granted. Like for instance:
- A warm home and a roof over your head.
- Plenty of drinkable water.
- Not having to go hungry.
- Access to the internet (and perhaps your own place to express yourself).
- Your friends and family.
Spend a few minutes on this and you’ll find much to be grateful for.
Step 3: Focus on what you can do right now.
With your attention in the present moment and your mood a more grateful and positive one it is now time to get constructive about what frustrates you.
You can do that by asking yourself:
What is one small step I can take right now to improve this situation?
It may be to see what you can learn from what frustrates you and to try another path towards your goal.
Or it could be to try one more time and to keep going (because not all things in life will come to you the first, second or third time you try).
Or it could be you simply realizing that you may have taken on a bit much lately or things have been tough and that you need to take this evening or a few days to just relax, take care of yourself and perhaps simplify a bit.
So that you can recharge and then get back into moving towards what you want out of your life in a more focused way.
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Bonus tips to reduce or prevent frustration:
Make note of your triggers and see what you can do about them.
What triggers your frustration?
Is it when your partner doesn’t take out the trash as you had agreed? Or when you’re not making progress as fast you like with your career or hobby? Or when your phone’s interrupting your work all too often?
Whatever it might be, first ask yourself:
What can I do to prevent this trigger in the first place?
For example, put your phone in silent mode or airplane mode and then get back to people during 1-3 scheduled times throughout your workday.
If you can’t prevent it then ask yourself:
What can I do to reduce the frustration caused by this trigger?
For instance, if you get frustrated with delays or waiting time while on your daily commute then ask your friends or google for answers for how others handle this common issue.
You may discover that one helpful solution is an audio book or podcast to listen to divert your attention and to get something good out of the situation while you’re waiting.
Remember: you’re human (and so is everyone else).
Perfectionism towards yourself or others does most often lead to plenty of frustration and disappointment. So set your standards both for others and yourself at a human level rather than at perfection.
Accept that sometimes you will make mistakes, have setbacks and not reach your goals when you’d like to. And so will people around you too.
Work from that perspective both with yourself and others and when there is a setback then focus on what you can learn to improve and to do better the next time.
Talk it out (instead of keeping it bottled up).
When you talk a frustration over with someone then it can help you to start seeing it from a more level-headed perspective as you vent.
And your friend that’s listening may have one or couple of good pieces of advice from his or her own experience.
Or the two of you can start coming up with a plan for how you can overcome or at least reduce this frustrating situation.
Communicate as directly as you can.
People can’t read your thoughts and you can’t read theirs.
So avoid trying to hint, guess or be passive-aggressive and go for simple, straightforward and calm communication as best you can.
It can be difficult to do right at that moment but it will most often save you a lot of unnecessary frustration, tension and misunderstandings in your relationships.
Here’s the next step…
Now, you may think to yourself:
“This is really helpful information. But what’s the easiest way to put this into practice and put a stop to the frustration right away when it pops up?”.
Well, I’ve got something special for you…
A free one-page step-by-step checklist that includes the 3 main steps in this article… save it or print it out so you have it for your daily life and for the next time when frustration starts to grow.
Download it now by entering your email below.
Comments on this entry are closed.
This is great for teaching children too. Often they have seen my frustrations. Better would be to teach them how to overcome. Thanks!
Thanks so much for sharing such amazing post. For me, appreciating what God has blessed me with sort of calms my frayed nerves and keeps away frustration. its a daily stuff that require a long term follow up.
Great post, Henrik! It’s so easy to get caught up in frustration and forget that you actually have quite a lot already by being alive and having some form of security. It IS hard not to get frustrated by the fact that you can’t predict your future. That’s why you need to acknowledge that nothing will be certain in life and instead of fretting about it, start enjoying it. :-)
I found this post so interesting and beneficial to read!
I find it helpful to look for the humor in the situation. You can usually find some angle to see something funny in a frustrating situation and that’s the easiest and best solution to the problem.
Awesome post! keeps me inspiring & boosts energy, which in-turn guides me right on track..
This is definitely a wonderful and very helpful piece. Much love sir
I found this in my mailbox right at a point when I was experiencing a great deal of frustration. Reading your post, especially your 1st point about staying in the now, was very helpful in resetting my attitude. Thank you!
Thank you. Need of the hour !
Wooow this post as given me permanent soln 4 frustration.
Ur tips & knowledge are exceptional, unique & continuous. I have all the admirations for Your site & indebted to You really. Grateful indeed.
I hear what you say. But when & how can one know if the tips reinforce merely “settling” for what is when one shouldn’t because one deserves better, there is something better & for what’s right?
Great post Henrik. So much better to stop and use these steps rather than to get caught up in the frustration hampster wheel where your agitation only builds – great ideas to release tension and bring you back . Then figure out how the frustration you felt can help you find ways to avoid it in the future!
Being Bipolar, frustration comes with the territory. This was an excellent post for me and another addition to my file of all your posts which I keep and go over as needed. They have had a significant impact on my day to day living.
Your common sense approach is easy to apply and makes life much easier.
Thank you for providing such a great blog.