“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Maria Robinson
“A year from now you may wish you had started today.”
Karen Lamb
I didn’t really try to improve my life very much until I was 25. Before that I mostly just moved along in the same old rut.
Since then (I’m 32 now) I have tripled my effectiveness, lost more than 30 pounds, adopted a more optimistic view of my life and raised my own self-esteem greatly.
I have learned to simplify my life and to inject a lot more happiness into my days and years.
Why am telling you this?
Well, the point here is not to brag. My point is that you are not stuck permanently in the life you have now. Even if it may feel that way.
It may sometimes feel like you should have started to change your life earlier, when you were a kid or in your teens or early twenties.
Or that you should have been born into those right circumstances right away as you came to this earth. It may feel like it is too late now.
You may look to your past and tell yourself: “if only had done this or that then things would have been different and better now”. That may be true but you cannot really change the past unless you got a time-machine.
And reliving the past in your mind does not change today and this week and month. It just has you hooked on mental reruns that keep you in your regretfilled rut.
It isn’t too late for you to improve something in your life that you really want to change. No matter what age you are at.
Over the past 5+ years I have received thousands of emails from readers of all ages – between 14 and 72 – that have told me about how they have changed their life in a positive way.
I understand that you may not be able to change your life in any way you want right now.
There are real limits in most people’s lives and personal development isn’t magic that can fix just about anything quickly and easily.
But you can do what you can with what you have where you are right now. Start there.
Make a small change if that is what is possible. From that small change and success you will gain confidence and you can build upon that to make more and perhaps even bigger changes.
4 steps that will make it easier for you to get started
1. Think about what you really want to change.
Maybe you already know it. It could be your social life, your confidence, your health or money situation. Or take a few days to think about it.
Take time to focus on this because if you really want something then it becomes a whole lot easier to keep going.
Or let your curiousness guide you. Ask yourself: what would I like to explore in life now?
Find one or a few areas to improve or habits you would like to incorporate into your life. Write them down.
2. Choose one thing or habit to focus on for now.
If you have found several things or habits you would like to focus on then choose to focus on just one at a time. Spreading yourself too thin pretty much always leads to failure because life tends to get in the way.
If you have a regular life then you’ll probably won’t have the time and energy to change three things at once even though you really hope and think you can.
If you like, choose a theme for a year and focus just on that. I have chosen themes in the past like health and social skills.
Then put most of your efforts for 365 days into creating new habits and routines in just that one area.
3. Take small steps.
This is very important. The feeling that something is too big or scary or difficult is one of the most common things to hold people back from taking action at all.
On the other hand, people also tend to overestimate their own willpower.
The plan sounds so good in your head but when you execute it then you can’t really take as much action or move as fast as you thought.
Focusing on just one thing at a time and doing it in small steps may feel kind of like something a child would do.
I have thought that was the case – like so many other people have in the past – and then fallen flat on my nose after a few days or weeks of trying to change too many things too quickly.
Instead, ask yourself: what is one small step I can take to move forward in this situation?
I use that question pretty much every day in some way and it has been immensely helpful over the last couple of years.
4. Ask yourself: What is one small step I can take right now to get ball rolling ?
Don’t get stuck in planning. Or thinking that you will get started tomorrow or next week.
Get the ball rolling instead.
Do that today by just taking one small and practical step towards what you want.
Henrik Edberg is the creator of the Positivity Blog and has written weekly articles here since 2006. He has a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Gothenburg and has been featured on Lifehacker, HuffPost and Paulo Coelho’s blog.
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Thank you Henrik for such awesome tips, I am to change ,y life from this minute))
What a wonderful article. You are absolutely right, there is nothing in your life you can’t change if you put your mind to making it happen. Stay positive and the improvements will come (with a little work, of course).
Funny thing… I was just reading on another blog about taking things slow. I’m making a commitment now to take things one step at a time.
My small step is to start taking some action, any action, no matter how small, on a goal that I want to achieve. I’ve been struggling for a long time with procrastination and I’m working on developing an action habit.
Thanks for sharing!
just awesome
Great post.
The sad thing is that too many people see change as daunting. However by breaking things down into simple steps it soon becomes possible.
Gruidy, you should make an personal development plan and you will get there.
Yes you can Change Your Life in 30 days. http://thepersonaldevelopmentcafe.com/change-your-life
Keep up the good work.
Great advice, Henrik. It’s so often that initial first step that is so hard to make.
We think of a millions reasons not to take it and then look back on a life filled with missed opportunities to grow and learn and become something more and sigh.
There is so much riding on each decision we make to break free, to change our attitudes, to learn and develop and evolve. But inertia is the comfort zone for far too many of us.
Those first couple steps can change everything as momentum is created and lives start to change, perhaps imperceptibly at first, but before you know it, like you, you are able to look back and see the progress you can never see sitting on a couch with a bag of potato chips in hand doing what you’ve always done.
Agreed that changes — like eating an elephant — are easiest do in small, one-at-a-time bites.
I also think it is super important to discover WHY you want to make change — when you know the underlying desire behind a change, you give yourself that much more power to actually DO what it takes and follow through to make the change.
Rock on!
I’m really glad you take a realistic balanced approach. I find it frustrating when people in the personal development space take a pie in the sky attitude. You admit that some things can’t be changed and there are real limits in the world, but that, within that context, we should take small steps, one at a time, to make things the best that we can.
That’s the attitude I support so thank you for promoting it.
Thank you for this post! Just what I needed today.
Great tips. I particulary appreciate the strategy of taking small steps and the insight that we overestimate our willpower. I liken making a change in an area that has been a long-standing problem to trying to stop a train going at 150 mph. The momentum is too strong to just change course. Success requires slowing down the momentum. Hence, small changes that will slow down the train so you can either change course or get off.
Great points. So many people resist change but it is important to shift the mindset on change to see it as your friend – a friend that will help you achieve what you really want in your life.
I think a good starting point is to create your own definition of success based on your core values and use that as your compass to navigate the seas of change.
Henrik,
I enjoy your posts every time I come around. If you need to change your life, YOU need to change your life. Of course, one step at a time. It must be intentional, it must be planned. I liked the insight into the 4 steps as well.
Thank you for sharing these tips.
Regards,
Kumar
Yes, I agree that small steps is the way to go; Too many people who want to change a lot decide to change it ALL RIGHT NOW:
“That’s IT….NO MORE BEER OR SMOKES..I”M GOING TO LOSE 70 POUNDS AND EXERCISE EVERY DAY AND SAVE 400 DOLLARS MORE A MONTHS AND GET A DIVORCE AND START MY OWN SHOP>>>”
And of course, very little or none of that happens because they get overwhelmed and don’t how to start ONE thing let alone EVERY thing.
I love your articles. This really gave me a lot to think about and also has given me the courage to take the first small step to something bigger.
Thank You.
Very nice read and very inspirational. I especially like tip #3. It really makes change achievable. Like they say you can’t swallow an elephant whole.