“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”
One big problem that I used to run into is that you simply don’t seem to be able to get started with making a change.
You want to make a change but feel stuck. You don’t seem to be able to take action and start moving.
If you feel this is a challenge for you then here’s what I have done to get out of such a place. Perhaps you’ll find something useful in my experience.
Do a reality check.
It’s actually pretty simple to get started. Even if you feel stuck. It may however not be as easy as you wish and there lies a problem.
Making a change isn’t that easy and it will require effort. You have to accept that. And work from that model of reality. If you think that things will fall into your lap effortlessly or by some kind or magic then any effort or action will feel so hard and difficult that you will probably not even try. Or if you try and fail, you’ll just quit instead of trying again.
So check your reality. Are you looking for an easy answer or a magic pill? Or will you work hard while at the same time listening to advice that can help to make the process easier and allow you to work smarter?
A few tips for finding a view of reality that will help you:
1. What have other people before you or around you done to improve their situation?
Ask yourself this question. Talk to people who have made the change you want to make (lose weight, quit smoking, improve the social life etc.). Or if you can’t find anyone, read the top rated books on Amazon.com on that topic or read blog articles. But make sure that you take advice from someone who has actually been in your shoes and gone where you want to go.
2. How much work am I putting in?
It’s very easy to be a bit delusional about how much actual work you are putting to make that change. Instead of guesstimating, ask yourself this question and be honest and measure it. Log what you spend your time on during a week. It’s not uncommon that you need to put in more work than you may think to make that change. And that you doing a bit less actual work than you think.
3. Realize that you are responsible for your life.
I really like this quote from Nathaniel Branden’s The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: “No one is coming”.
You can look for the next big thing that will fix you. Read more blog articles. Read more personal development books. Look for people to help you. And yes, some articles or books or people will give you support and insights that resonate deeply with you. But in the end, if you are an adult then no one is coming. No one is coming to save you. You have to take responsibility for your own life and what happens in it. Other things and people can certainly aid you quite a bit. But you are responsible.
You can go around blaming society or some people for your problems in your social life (or finances or health). You can always find scapegoats to judge to feel better about yourself. You can look for people that will “fix you”. You can do this for the rest of your life if you like. It won’t change much. Whatever has to be done, it’s you who have to take responsibility and do it.
Yeah, things might always not go your way and you will probably have bad luck from time to time. But you still have to focus on yourself and doing what you can do in whatever situation that may arise in your world.
4. If you have a really serious problem, seek professional help.
This is also a part of doing a reality check. How serious is your problem or challenge? There is a difference between getting a bit nervous before a meeting at work or a date and having a big panic attack and feeling like you can’t breathe or are about to faint.
If you have a serious problem, then please seek professional help. The advice on this blog is for small or medium sized problems (at least as I experience it). If you have a really bad problem then the advice here or on other blog or in books may still help you a bit.
But I still believe that best option in such situations is to seek professional help. Perhaps one on one counseling with someone with vast experience, someone that comes highly recommended.
Get out of your comfort zone.
Doing a reality check isn’t that fun all the time. If you are anything like I was you may have noticed that you aren’t putting in enough work or that you aren’t really taking responsibility for your life. So it can be an uncomfortable thing to do.
After you have gotten a more accurate picture of what needs to be done you need to do it. This requires moving out of your comfort zone in real life and not just while sitting comfortably on your sofa.
I don’t think there is much one can do to avoid discomfort when making a change. Yes, you can lessen the discomfort and you can make it easier for yourself. But trying to avoid it completely is one thing that makes people go running around in circles for magic pills and leaves them stuck with little actual progress to show. That’s why you need to do a reality check. You can’t make much progress or live life fully if you live in fantasy world where everything is supposed to be painless and easy.
Now, there are some things you can do to make it easier to get out of your comfort zone and start taking action.
1. Make one small change.
If you try to change many habits at the same time for example then that will probably fail. You will spread yourself too thin and run out of energy and time as regular life starts to interfere.
Focus on changing one habit at a time. And if you have trouble making a big change then start with a smaller one. It’s better to make small changes little by little in real life than walking around in endless daydreams of drastic and incredible change that never comes. As you make one small positive change your confidence goes up and it becomes easier to make the next change. And over the months and this year and the next you can make a lots and lots of progress.
Let’s say you want to be less nervous and awkward in social situations.
To solve that you can take small steps. Steps like first just saying hi to people. And being more involved in conversations at work or in school to exercise your conversation muscles. After a while those things will feel more comfortable. And so you can expand your comfort zone a little bit more.
And so you gradually desensitize yourself to social situations or whatever you are uncomfortable with. You make it the new “normal” for you.
So, identify your problem. Then make a plan with some smaller steps you can take to gradually lessen your discomfort.
2. Make it social.
Sign up for a course in something so you have to be there each Thursday and learn. Locking in this time into your schedule probably makes you more likely to show up than if you will do “some self-studies sometime when you get the time”.
If you are going to a party where you know few people then it may be easier to bring a friend. If you have decided to start going to the gym it might be easier to actually get going and keep going there every week if you have a gym-partner.
However, there are potential downsides to bringing friends too. If you are at the party with your friend then you might not meet and get to know that many new people. If you are going to the gym with a partner it might lead to the two of you talking and focusing less on getting a great workout.
But try it out and find what works for you. By involving more people and/or signing up for courses somewhere you will feel commitment to people you like and a bit of positive social pressure to actually go there when you are supposed to instead of slacking off on the sofa.
3. Ask yourself questions that changes your perspective.
If it feels uncomfortable to do something then I find that I can often reduce that by changing how I think about it in my mind.
I do so by asking myself better questions. Question like:
- What’s awesome about this?
- Will this matter in 5 years?
- Honestly, am I overcomplicating and overthinking this?
Sounds a bit silly perhaps. But by providing better questions you can get more positive answers out of yourself. And you replace destructive thought loops in your mind that can paralyze you from taking action with a healthier and a bit more relaxed perspective.
4. Focus on the positive past.
Realize that it can be fun to get out of your comfort zone despite what your mind and feelings might be telling you before you get started. Think back to the previous times when you have broken out of your comfort zone. Focus on the positive memories, when you got out there, when you took a chance. And you will probably remember that it wasn’t so bad, it was actually fun and exciting and something new to you.
A lot of times we automatically play back negative experiences – or negative interpretations of events – in our minds before we are about to do something. And we forget about the positive memories and our previous, positive achievements. Avoid that trap. Let the good memories flow through your mind instead.
If you are here then you have probably heard about this blog from a friend or perhaps you had a problem that you wanted to solve and found it via Google. If you are here then you probably want to make a positive change in your life in some way.
You may still need time to get started with that. Perhaps you haven’t had enough yet and not reached a point where you know deep down that you really need to get started with making that change now. If that is the case then this article will be here when you are ready, when you one day wake up and say to yourself “That’s enough! I’m sick of this and I’m getting started with changing this today”.
If you are ready now then get started. Use the advice in this article to start making your 2010 the best year ever.