101 Funny Thursday Quotes: Hilarious Humor for Work, Life and Tired Mornings

It’s Thursday.

You’ve been bored, tired, irritated and gotten stuff done. You’ve been grinding. But soon the weekend will be here.

So to help you to keep going until it’s finally here I’d like to share 101 of the most witty, positive and funny Thursday quotes.

I hope you’ll find something here to make you laugh, something to share with colleagues and loved ones to help them release some pressure and to finish out this work week in a positive way.

Funny Thursday Quotes for Work and School

“This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”
– Douglas Adams

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”
– Edgar Bergen

“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.'”
– Dave Barry

“If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.”
– Noel Coward

“Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.”
– Nicci French

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
– Robert Frost

“I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”
– Unknown

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.”
– Drew Carey

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
– Bill Gates

“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.”
– John Gotti

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
– George Carlin

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
– Jerome K. Jerome

“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.”
– Groucho Marx

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
– Charles Lamb

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.”
– Claude McDonald

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
– Robert Frost

“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.”
– Unknown

“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.”
– Peter Drucker

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”
– Robert Orben

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
– Douglas Adams

“I don’t trust anyone who is productive on a Thursday afternoon.”
– Sandra Shea

“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.”
– Stanley J. Randall

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.”
– Douglas Adams

“Thursday is the awkward and often zoned out middle child between Wednesday’s existential crisis and Friday’s jubilant optimism.”
– Sarah Kelly

Funny Good Morning Thursday Quotes to Get Your Day Started Right

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
– Glen Cook

“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
– Tony Smite

“Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees, and then kindness.”
– Nanea Hoffman

“My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door.”
– Willie Geist

“I hate mornings, they start so early.”
– Janet Evanovich

“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
– Jim Davis

“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.”
– James Marsden

“What irritates me most of all about these morning people is their horribly good temper, as if they have been up for three hours and already conquered France.”
– Timur Vermes

“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”
– Lewis Black

“There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.”
– Kristen Chandler

“I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.”
– Jarod Kintz

“The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.”
– Jean Kerr

“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.”
– David Lynch

“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.”
– Punit Ghadge

“Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can’t see a damn thing before having coffee.”
– Aleksandra Ninkovic

“I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.”
– James Lileks

“Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.”
– Rachel Caine

“Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id, and I am a mere foot soldier with mud and a snooze button on her shield.”
– Catherynne Valente

“There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, ‘Good morning, God,’ and the other is to say, ‘Good God, morning!'”
– Fulton J. Sheen

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
– Dorothy Parker

Hilarious Thursday Quotes on Daily Life and Struggles

“Thursday is perhaps the worst day of the week. It’s nothing in itself; it just reminds you that the week has been going on too long.”
– Nicci French

“Thursdays are just wannabes. They wannabe Friday but they’re not.”
– Jack Sanders

“Thursday? Oh no, it can’t be! It’s too gruesome.”
– Audrey Hepburn

“Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.”
– Jef Raskin

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”
– Mark Twain

“And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.”
– Spike Milligan

“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.”
– Howie Mandel

“To some, it’s Hump Day. To us, it’s Wednesday getting its ass kicked and Thursday just asking Friday to switch places.”
– Dwayne Johnson

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.”
– Zig Ziglar

“If 40 is the new 30, and 50 is the new 40, why can’t Thursday be the new Friday?”
– Unknown

“After a year’s research, one realizes that it could have been done in a week.”
– William Henry Bragg

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!”
– Unknown

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.”
– Groucho Marx

“We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it’s Tuesday I’ll make an exception.”
– Chelsea Handler

“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
– Steven Wright

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin

“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.”
– Zig Ziglar

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
– Thomas Edison

“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.”
– Charlie McCarthy

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
– Homer Simpson

Short and Funny Thursday Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

“It’s Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.”
– Demetri Martin

“Be happy. It really annoys negative people.”
– Ricky Gervais

“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”
– Sarah Brown

“Dear Thursday, are you sure you’re not Friday? Because I could really go for it being Friday today!”
– Unknown

“Thursday comes, and the week’s gone.”
– George Herbert

“I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That’s all any of us can hope for.”
– April Winchell

“Thursday, I accidentally spent some of my own money.”
– Bill Vaughan

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
– Charlie Chaplin

“Thursday is full of timeless thoughts, and marshmallow dreams.”
– Anthony T. Hincks

“Thursday’s such a crazy, lazy day. Thursday has its own peculiar way of saying: ‘Hey.'”
– Harry Nilsson

“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.”
– Leslie Nielsen

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'”
– Don Marquis

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
– Phyllis Diller

“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.”
– Rita Rudner

“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.”
– Don Herold

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
– Groucho Marx

“If I don’t die by Thursday, I’ll be roaring Friday night.”
– Jimmy Buffett

Less Funny and a Bit More Motivational Thursday Quotes

“Start your Thursday with an attitude of optimism. It’s going to be a good day!”
– Kate Summers

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.”
– Walt Whitman

“Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”
– Conrad Hilton

“Either you run the day or the day runs you.”
– Jim Rohn

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.”
– JP Morgan

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
– Wayne Gretzky

“Don’t count the days. Make the days count.”
– Muhammad Ali

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”
– Nelson Mandela

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”
– Milton Berle

“Thursday is one day closer to my expectation that everything I have done through the week culminates in progress.”
– Byron Pulsifer

“Opportunities don’t just happen, you create them.”
– Chris Grosser

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”
– Arthur Ashe

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”
– Henry David Thoreau

“You’re off to great places, today is your day. Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way.”
– Dr. Seuss

“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”
– Desmond Tutu

“A little progress every day adds up to big results.”
– Satya Nani

“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.”
– Sean Patrick Flanery

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”
– Peter Drucker

“Fall seven times, stand up eight.”
– Japanese Proverb

Want more laughs and motivation? Then check out these funny Friday quotes, the motivational Thursday quotes here and also this one with lots of thankful Thursday quotes.