
“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”
Sydney J. Harris
“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.”
George F. Burns
Maybe you are on vacation right now and are trying to relax and release the pressure and tension from a year of school or work. And maybe you are soon going back again.
So what can you do to increase your sense of centeredness and relaxation not only during these remaining weeks of summer but also during this fall?
Well, here are sevent tips that have worked well for me. I hope you find something useful.
1. Spend time online in a focused way.
One big change I have done during this summer is to minimize the time I spend online. I have cut it down to the essentials. Basically that means I update the blog. And check my email/Twitter/Facebook maybe once every other day. Of course, you may not have the option or want to make exactly those changes.
But you may want to try to cut down on your online time a bit. Maybe just check all the things you check online once a day. I have found that it has made me a lot more relaxed, focused on the most important things and left me with more time to use for other things. I will certainly keep this habit of minimized and focused internet use up – although perhaps in a slightly different form – during the fall and winter.
2. Let go of what you “have to do”.
If you are feeling totally stressed out and wrapped up in everything you “have to do”, here is a good question: “Will this matter in 5 years?”. This is of course not an excuse for you to not do anything. But a reminder that the small things we get wrapped up in when we feel stressed are often not that important when you view it from a wider perspective.
In the end you can choose what you want to do and not do. There are of course consequences to everything that we do and that is something one must keep in mind. But I think it is very important to feel like you are in control of your own life to be able to stay centred and minimize stress and pressure. It’s important to choose what you want to do instead of always living in reaction and feeling controlled by outside forces all the time.
You may for example feel like you have all these things you “just have to do before the summer is over”. If such thoughts are stressing you out, you may want to choose to say no and take a day to take it easy and do pretty much nothing. It can do wonders.
3. Don’t take things (or yourself) too seriously.
Taking things or yourself overly serious adds a lot of unnecessary negativity and stress to your life. A minor situation may be blown up to a major one in your mind. If you just learn to lighten up a bit then life becomes more fun and you realize that you get great results even if you aren’t superserious about everything. Here is one article about how to lighten up. And another one about how to simplify things.
4. Take 30 belly breaths.
This is the quickest and most consistent way to relax that I have found so far. It can be done anywhere and anytime. It’s great way to release pent up tension and to centre yourself in the present moment once again as you bring your focus to the in and out breaths.
Here’s a simple instruction on what to do:
- Sit or stand in a relaxed way.
- Put your hands on your stomach. Using your stomach breathe in slowly through your nose. If you are doing it right your stomach will expand and you’ll feel it with your hands.
- Breathe out slowly through your nose.
- Breathe in and out 30 times. Take deep and slow breaths.
5. Act as you would like to feel.
Another simple tip you can use just about anywhere. Your emotions work backwards too. If you slow down then while walking, moving your body or talking you can often start to feel less stressed (compared to if you move/talk fast).
Slowing down to decrease stress goes for many other things you do in everyday life too like riding your bicycle, driving the car and eating.
6. Stop thinking the world revolves around you.
One great way to make your life unnecessarily hard and difficult is to assume that the world revolves around you. It can make you feel like you are trapped in a cage built out of social pressure. Not pleasant at all.
But is everyone watching everything you do? Thinking about you a lot and discussing what you said or did? Probably not. It’s very seductive to think they do because it makes you feel important and it gives you validation and attention. But they are probably spending their time worrying about their own challenges in life and what other people think about them.
It’s not easy to let go of the belief that the world revolves around you. But there are huge benefits such as decreased shyness and increased openness towards people and trying new things.
So you give up or decrease the importance you put on validation from the outside. And by doing so you can release a lot of pressure and stress and increase your own inner centeredness and freedom to feel that you can do what you want in life.
And as you do so you stop raising your self esteem and positive feelings about yourself through the validation people may give you (or at least you cut down on it a lot). Instead you now raise it by doing more of what you think is right in life. And by caring more about what you think and feel about yourself and how you are living your life.
7. Just accept how you feel right now.
Maybe you try out some of the tips above. And maybe they still can’t help you to shake that stress, inner pressure or whatever you are carrying around. I would then suggest just accepting that it is there. To tell yourself: “This is how I feel right now and I accept it”.
This sounds counterintuitive and like you’re giving up. However by accepting how you feel instead of resisting it you reduce the emotional energy that you are feeding into this conflict/problem. It tends to just kinda lose speed like a car that runs out of fuel. And oftentimes it becomes so weak after while that it just moves out of your inner focus and disappears.
Image by: http://www.flickr.com/photos/notsogoodphotography/ / CC BY 2.0
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I must say that your last tip of acceptance is the biggest way to not only release pressure in the summer, but throughout the entire year. Also, I’m limiting my time online as well because it can really suck the life out of me, and that can be a shame when the beautiful summer is going on outside.
Thanks for the tips!
Dayne
Dayne, how are you limiting you time online if you don’t mind me asking. Any techniques or methods. because working online can really suck me dry too.
It’s really easy to say “just accept what you feel”. If you look at what acceptance is – that deep relaxed, flow – you’re looking at a level of surrender that takes most people lifetimes to learn.
Of course it’s important. Immensely important. Pretty much everything helpful, including releasing useless activities, decluttering, etc, stems from acceptance of what is. Not defending against feelings and thoughts.
I find that combining physical actions really helps. Acceptance is the same as welcoming – as well as the same as letting go. So physically I alternate between a welcoming posture and then a letting go movement, until I feel that the two are pretty much the same. With deep breaths at the same time.
I like #6. It reminds me of an old TV episode where the teenager stayed home from school, only to realize that the rest of the world continued to do its thing, even when he wasn’t around…
As a person who exudes positivity it is always good to find others he do the same in my online journey. Thanks for the tip I copied and posted on my fridge.
With the popularity of facebook, twitter, blogs and youtube etc. I guess point number 1 is very important. It’s too easy getting caught up in endless surfing and email/stats checking that we neglect the more important things we are supposed to do.
BTW the belly breaths exercise is interesting… haha…
Useful tips =)
Cheers,
Shun Jian
Number 6 is soooo true. People don’t notice bad things about you because they are so wrappred up in themselves. Really good points.
These are great tips. I particularly love the first one. I work at home online and find myself doing “busy work” on the computer well after I’ve finished my work. I’m really working on letting go of the computer once my most productive activities are done so I can get out in the real world and have some fun!
Great reminder ~ I love the belly breath one too. Works like a charm.
Jackie
I certainly agree to #3 and #6. It pains me to see how some people just love to make their life tough when in fact, they could choose to do otherwise and be a much happier person.
I find that once we accept that the world does not revolve around us, we tend to be less critical about things around us. Which is a great way to release the pressure and the stress.
Cheers,
Vincent
I was just asking someone if they would bring their new laptop on holiday. Then I realized what a foolish thing to ask! All these gadgets are so much fun but they can take the peace out of the time we should spend sleeping or reading or just getting out of the house. Yes, we have smart phones and great portable laptops but its a good thing to go without. There is a lot of peace in real quiet time.
Another solid post Henrik
It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the summer and lose your mind in trying to accomplish to much, or spend way to much time lounging around and going for world records in status comments on Facebook
My favorite way to enjoy the summer is to set some achievable goals that are varied in nature, spend an ample amount of time traveling, take many moments to relax, and certainly accept things as they are
As long as you know what you want out of your summer, and you go for it full hilt, then you will walk into fall with a fat smile on your face
I love all your positivity advice. Such sage and wise posts, and yet at the same time simple things we can do RIGHT NOW .
Thank you
Have a wonderful and positvie day
Rita
Hi Henrik,
Great Post! I like the 30 belly breaths idea. Will try that out!
The belly breaths would seem to be effective because they re-focus your mind on the present moment. When you are totally present, you can’t worry about future or past.
I can’t imagine not being able to relax in Summer. Life is breezy when it’s not freezing January.
Maybe that’s the northeast’s silver lining?
Beautiful post – all about taking personal responsibility and not taking yourself too seriously – well done! My favourite (of course) is #2 because I preach that one all the time – life is choice and choice is action!
You got nice points out there. I’m try to to put into action #1 but I simply can’t force myself to do that. There is always possibility that something might happen when I’m not on twitter or facebook… I will hopefully succeed now that I’ve seen someone else doing the same thing.
Thanks for all the comments and positive insights and tips, guys!
Good thing I can have holidays anytime I want. Weather is never a problem unless if you hate sun and rain. However, no.6 is really difficult to achieve. I guess I can never let go of the things happening around me.
Henrik,
Where do you find you inspiration to create you blog posts?
Mostly through problems and situations I encounter in everyday life. I make sure to write down each idea/insight I get. And then later I may write an article about it. Sometimes I also just sit down and brainstorm about topics to write about.
By doing these two things I always have a folder filled with ideas that I may want to write about.
What steps does your brain storming incorporate?
I just sit down and think that I will come up with 10 posts for example. Then I might come up with one idea. Then maybe I find a new idea that is related to the first one. I write down ideas until I have 10 of them. Then, later on, I blog about some of the best of those ideas.
Awesome advice. I especially liked # 3. It’s so easy to let our problems get to us sometimes. But if we laugh at our problems, those bad feelings almost always go away.
I am so glad that i let go of doing things i had to do. Because when i didn’t i felt as if i was carry extra weight that wasn’t healthy at all to me.
Very beautiful posts and some excellent thoughts. Thanks for sharing with all of us.
Wonderful fun ideas.