I’m feel and love deeply, I think deeply. It’s difficult for me to let go. I won’t get into details, but I spent 6 years with someone and now it’s done and almost feels like nothing great came out of it. I spent that much time dreaming about how this is the greatest thing and that this person is perfect. That person is gone. I told myself that I cannot make 6 years disappear in a few months, or maybe even half that amount of time. But with so many powerful emotions and profound thoughts on it, it must be equal and important to the pain I am feeling – but it’s not. If it was, it would still be here with me, in pain like me. But it’s not. This comes after the planet-sized-fortress of resentment, bitterness and poison in me that keeps me inside, trapped, safe in my identity of those dark feelings and thoughts.

I’m willful in the sense that I know that what isn’t here with me, on a deep and profound level, shouldn’t be with me and that I shouldn’t pain after something that isn’t as important as something that chooses to be here with me. Once I understood that and genuinely gave my self the chance to dip my feet in cold water, it started to spread in my mind. I gave it a true chance. If you can understand that, then you don’t have to worry about how to let go or wonder why it’s not happening. You can’t make a decade vanish in 6 months, so time is also part of the process. But time by itself cannot heal anything, you must understand the importance of once long standing factors in your life, and be ever conscious of the fact that it is gone. If it was truly as important as you may feel it to be, it would still be there.

Truly let yourself let go, don’t force it, and don’t despair. You don’t want to squeeze the sand out of your hand, you want to let it fall off.

How about letting go of it, for real. Because what happened to you in the past or what lingers isn’t you. How can the missing piece be so important, if it’s gone? The best pieces stay with us. Only those pieces deserve this amount of pain or happiness.

It’s hard. I am getting on with life, but maybe there will always be that shred of hope that he will want to come back. I don’t know. It’s so hard to not see someone I used to see every day for 10 years. To not talk to them, laugh with them, etc.

I don’t know how people can just let go in an instant. Perhaps it’s just me, my upbringing.

I miss him and think about him every day, but that does me no good, yet I can’t stop. Perhaps because I have never been through this before.

So why don’t you put down all those self-help books and stop pretending to be the next Tony Robbins.

I would actually highly suggest you go find yourself some real-life adversity than report back with real, raw, and honest insight.

Take a break, have a jazz
Allie

Sun-shine: Well, you should not let go of things that are important (stuff like Gandhi did or what’s most important in your life). But let go of things that aren’t really important or useful for you to hold on to. Or just petty smallminded stuff. It’s up to you to learn and decide for yourself about what to keep and what to let go.

I understand the spirit of what you have written, but I am always in conflict on what we should stand up for.

Best wishes to you always