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How to Overcome Your Fear: 7 Tips from the Last 2200 Years


How to Overcome Your Fear: 7 Tips from the Last 2200 Years
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✿ circo de invierno ~ (license).

“Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out.”
Karl Augustus Menninger

“The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.”
Mahatma Gandhi

What is holding you back?

Whatever you answer, it will in many cases boil down to fear in some form.

Now, fear can be useful to keep yourself alive. But many times, especially if you live a life where you have the possibility to reading these words, fear is just a big obstacle in your path.

But what can you do about fear? How can you overcome it?

In this article I’d like to explore a few of the timeless things that people have learned about that throughout the last few thousands of years.

1. Face your fear to become stronger.

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”

Frank Herbert

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Every time you face a fear you gain the 3 important qualities that Eleanor Roosevelt mentions above. And the next thing that comes along will be easier to handle.

And if you have to handle a big fear, whatever it may be, and later realise you actually survived it, many things in life you may have feared previously seems to shrink. Those fears become smaller. They might even disappear.

You might think to yourself that what you thought was a fear before wasn’t that much to be afraid of at all. Everything is relative. And every triumph, problem, fear and experience becomes bigger or smaller depending to what you compare it to.

But to gain a wider perspective of human experience and grow you really have to step up and face your fear.

2. Facing your fear can be surprisingly anticlimactic.

“When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is perhaps my favourite quote about fear. From a distance and in you mind things may seem very difficult and frightening. But when you actually step up and take action I think many of us have been surprised of how the beard of that bully just comes off. Why? Let’s move on to the next tip…

3. Take action and get busy.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
Dale Carnegie

“Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.”
Swedish proverb

You can’t sit around think and waiting for courage and confidence to come knocking on the door. If you do, you may just experience the opposite effect. The more you think, the more fear you build within.

We often build scary monsters in our heads.

Maybe because of things we have learned from the news, the TV or the movies. Or we just think so much about something that our minds start to create totally unlikely horror scenarios of what may happen.

As you may have noticed in your own life, 80-90 percent of what we worry about never really comes into reality. Instead things can become anticlimactic when we take action. The beard of the bully comes off surprisingly easy if we just step up and take action.

And many times we get the courage we need after we have done what we feared. Not the other way around.

4. Fear is often based on unhelpful interpretation.

“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.”
Unknown

As humans we like to look for patterns. The problem is just that we often find negative and not so helpful patterns in our lives based on just one or two experiences. Or by misjudging situations. Or through some silly miscommunication.

When you get too identified with your thoughts you’ll believe anything they tell you. A more helpful practise may be to not take your thoughts too seriously. A lot of the time they and your memory are pretty inaccurate.

But this is a good thing too.

Because it opens you up to re-examining old beliefs you have based on experiences you may have interpreted in not the most helpful way. It opens you up to try again and see what happens this time instead of staying stuck in thought, inaction and fear.

5. Don’t cling to your illusion of safety.

“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.
Helen Keller

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature…. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Helen Keller

Why do people sit on their hands? Is it just because they become paralyzed with fear? I’d say no. Another big reason why people don’t face their fears is because they think they are safe where they are right now. But the truth is what Keller says; safety is mostly a superstition. It is created in your mind to make you feel safe. But there is no safety out there really. It is all uncertain and unknown.

You may get laid off.
Someone may break up with you and leave.
Illness will probably strike.
Death will certainly strike in your surroundings and at some point come to visit you too.
Who knows what will happen?

This superstition of safety is not just something negative. It’s also created by your mind so you can function in life. No point in going all paranoid about what could happen a minute from now day in and day out. But there is also not that much point in clinging to an illusion of safety. So you need to find balance where you don’t obsessed by the uncertainty but also recognize that it is there and live accordingly.

As you stop clinging to your safety life also becomes a whole lot more exciting and interesting. You are no longer as confined by an illusion and realize that you set your limits for what you can do and to a large extent create your own freedom in the world. You are no longer building walls to keep yourself safe as those walls wouldn’t protect you anyway.

6. Be curious.

“Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.”
James Stephens

When you are stuck in fear you are closed up. You tend to create division in your world and mind. You create barriers between you and other things/people.

Curiosity on the other hand is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your fear.

Curiousness also opens you up to gain understanding of something. And with understanding vague, fog-like fears disappears.

The emotions you experience are often as a result of what you focus your mind on. Change what you focus on about something and you can change your emotions about that thing.

How do you become more curious? One way is to remember how life has become more fun in the past thanks to your curiosity and to remember all the cool things it helped to discover and experience. And then to work at it. Curiosity is a habit. The more curious you are the more curious you become. And over time it becomes more of a natural part of you.

7. Remove separation. Remove fear.

“Who sees all beings in his own self, and his own self in all beings, loses all fear.”
Isa Upanishad, Hindu Scripture

The ego wants to divide your world. It wants to create barriers, separation and loves to play the comparison game. The game where people are different compare to you, the game where you are better than someone and worse than someone else. All of that creates fear. Doing the opposite removes fear.

That there is no real separation between beings, that we are one and the same, might sound a bit corny.

But one thought you may want to try for a day is that everyone you meet is your friend.

Another one is to see what parts of yourself you can see in someone you meet. And what parts of yourself you can see in him/her.

There is often an underlying frame of mind in interactions. Either it asks us how we are different to this person. Or how we are the same as this person. The first frame is based in how the ego likes to judge people and create separation to strengthen itself (either through feeling better or more like a victim). The second one creates warmth, an openness and curiosity within. There is no place to focus on fear or judgement anymore.

This is of course not easy, especially if you have held the first frame of mind for many years. But you can get insight into this by doing the rest of the things above. As you face your fears the barriers and separation you have built in your mind decreases. You come closer and feel more of a connection to other people.

With action, curiousness and understanding we come closer to each other. We gain a greater understanding of ourselves and others. And so it becomes easier to see them in you. And you in them.

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • daredevil March 3, 2009, 1:51 pm

    thanx for such a nice article

  • Abhi March 8, 2009, 11:04 pm

    Awesome !!! great job !! keep it up…….

  • mmmmmm!!!1 March 17, 2009, 4:29 am

    great it was but i still thick im going to be fearful!!!! people make u that way!!! and when they continue to do it!!! your living in fear!!!1 Bit hard to ignore

    But great!!!

  • Anonymous March 20, 2009, 5:43 pm

    Very nice article!

  • Eni April 18, 2009, 1:58 pm

    Thanks for the knowledge and tips about how to overcome fear!

  • Dan May 21, 2009, 6:38 pm

    Hi, Thanks for the excellent article!

  • Everything Counts June 24, 2009, 1:13 pm

    The fear is the force that is determined to stop you in your tracks and steal your dreams from you. But it can only do this if you leave. Refuse to let the fear of to corrupt your life and begin to act – now!

    • N.jyothi April 30, 2010, 10:31 am

      Dear Sir,
      I got your sentence ,how to avoid the fear

  • Sarah July 5, 2009, 6:43 pm

    I know I should conquer my fear rather than having fear to conquer my life, but my ultimate fear is giving birth. Omg, I have been trying to think of the positive things that come with pregnancy, the joy of having babies and all but I find myself still in fear of birth giving. I just hope by facing my fear would help me get rid of my fear.

  • adam July 13, 2009, 8:13 am

    This page was great. Im glad theres ppl out there willing to put time into writing this stuff of what theyve learned and understand, to help us all with understanding how to overcome fear. Thank you.

  • Mark August 23, 2009, 5:38 pm

    Fear is the creation of our own mind. A person is afraid only when he does some thing wrong. So do not do any thing wrong and stay away from fear.

    • Asma October 25, 2009, 5:37 pm

      oh! i liked what u said, really wise, but what about those who have already done something wrong and fear for their future because of their past, moreover they cant forgive themselves!

  • kehinde November 2, 2009, 5:53 pm

    that was an eye opener! to me to overcome fear is to do the things you fear.

  • Jhovani November 9, 2009, 11:34 am

    Help! Theres this girl at school that i really love. But one day her ex comes talkin 2 me that i should back off. I said no and now im gonna have 2 fight him for the girl i love. How do i overcome my fear of fighting and losing the girl of my dreams

  • ram January 4, 2010, 7:23 pm

    Thank you for such an inspirational article.I realised , if one understands his/her fear, the problem is half solved.I would like to add one more quote on fear (my favourite one) “we know deeply the other side of every fear is freedom”.I am still learning ways to deal my “fear”.

  • christian- February 19, 2010, 2:43 pm

    i’m very thankful that i found the site like this,.it’s help me a lot..thank u so much…i hope people out there having problems in fear fight for their lives..

  • Noelyne Jones March 12, 2010, 12:59 pm

    “With action, curiousness and understanding we come closer to each other. We gain a greater understanding of ourselves and others. And so it becomes easier to see them in you. And you in them.”

    I totally agree that it’s best to understand yourself first which in turn helps you understand others. I use MBTI as a tool to help you with this in my Training. I also encourage you to get curious about your emotions so that the negative emotions become a useful resource. And of course Action is key, without it there is no movement, no growth and no success.

    A great blog post!
    Noelyne Jones
    http://www.howtoovercomeyourfears.com

  • Anonymous March 24, 2010, 7:48 pm

    This did not help me at all, and most of it was not worth reading. i have gone through an entire page in google of pure crap like this. People may think its great, but my fear is no where near cured. I saw the curiousity, and am sometimes curious before my fear happens/appears, but then, when it happens/appears that goes away and it still scares the crap out of me. i think to myself “its ok, its nothing much, its a stupid fear.” then i go berserk when it happens / appears. I am starting to think that it isnt really possible to overcome a fear. You can block it out, but it will still make you scared. For example, i dont want to hear something — i can turn my iPod up really loud, but im still afraid of it. Another Example is for bugs : i can tell myself that nothing is wrong with a bug, i can wonder what its like for a bug to touch me, but that doesnt mean that im convinced, and ill most likely jump away next time i see a bug. here is something solely for this page: fear has no safety at all. You should cut that part out. Back to all: even if you face your fear, hold the bug, take your headphones out, it is still going to take a while for it to actually be gone, if it ever is.

  • Nikhil June 9, 2010, 9:55 am

    Hi,
    Really great post.It touches almost all aspects of fear.Living without fear is the greatest thing in life.

  • Adi Crnalic June 15, 2010, 3:40 am

    To Anonymous,

    You have to relize that fear is an inevitable part of life and that once you can control your thoughts better and become the master of your own mind, then fear will be a very miniscule part of your life.

    Great Post Henrik!

  • Amardeep Karodkar August 25, 2010, 8:27 am

    I will share this with my all collage student and i hope this will really a great help to change the mental attitude of my all friends at collage.
    We have more than 650 student.

    Thank you sir

  • Harmeet August 30, 2010, 6:45 pm

    Hello Sir,

    I am highly impressed by your understanding of fear and the various ways to overcome it. You have put the concept into words in a brilliantly simple and clear form.

    I hope your understanding of fear helps as many people as possible.

    Regards