No one has ever done that for me, and I rarely see anyone else do it, so I figure it’s pretty rare and maybe it’ll make someone’s day.

How many people wouldn’t want their new cute shoes to be noticed?!

The word kindness immediately congers up a multitude of possibilities that are as diverse as you are unique. The one common thread however is that kindness is an inherent quality that we all possess. For a multitude of reasons it has become a principle that has been forfeited by many, and consequently, all too often selfishness and self centeredness trump the principle of kindness.

There is an expression that I learned many years ago in my therapy practice that has been forever carved into my mind. It goes like this. “They might not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” Think about it? As you look at every interaction you can remember, ask yourself, “How did this person make me feel”? It is likely you won’t remember a great deal of the content, but it is very likely you’ll have a memory as to how you felt. You’ll probably recognize that the positive memories you recall are in part, based on experiencing authentic kindness, and in part, a recollection that you mattered to that person.

As you go through your day to day existence, how many opportunities are presented to you to practice an act of kindness. It could take form with a kind word, a kind action or gesture, or helping a family member or colleague with some needed support. If you really take time to think about it, the times that we feel the best are when we are in service to others. We are wired to give, not to get. Understanding this principle is a key to feeling a sense of purpose and well being.

There are natural laws that are engaged in the act of kindness that serve to reinforce the motivation to be kind at every opportunity presented. These natural laws help us to feel good about ourselves as well as experience a quiet joy and sense of satisfaction deep within. The following are just a few of the secret rewards and benefits that accompany a kind act.
1. Selflessness. Thinking about the well being and care of another

2. Respect: Treating others as equals.

3. Integrity: Looking in the mirror at the end of the day and liking the person we were today.

4. Love: A state of consciousness that gives and cares, for its own sake.

5. Thoughtfulness: Making someone else’s life just a bit easier.

6. Caring: The act of helping another breathe just a bit easier.

Growing up, I definitely had my share of challenges. They mostly played out at the emotional level and would manifest in some pretty outlandish behavior. I had a lot of difficulties displaying kindness unless there was something in it for me. I remember having a sweet disposition but it was usually usurped with self centered thinking and behaviors that created some devastating consequences for me as I got older.

My father would get quite exasperated with me at times and I must say that I gave him good cause. On one occasion however, I recall my father displaying one of my most memorable acts of kindness I ever experienced. I was 16 years old and I had just gotten my driver’s license. It was pouring down rain and I wanted to take my dad’s car and go to a friend’s house to visit. I called my father at his office and asked him if I could take his car. He told me no, since I didn’t have much practice at driving the big Bonneville, and due to the weather being horrible. I pleaded my case but he was unyielding.

Being the 16 year old that I was, I chose to take the car anyway and have it back in the driveway before he ever got home from work. I made it to my friend’s house just fine, and I felt in control. I told myself that dad would never be none the wiser and all was well. It was time to head home giving myself ample time to drive in the inclement weather and still be home with time to spare.

I had driven about 3 blocks when I approached a stop sign. I made a complete stop, and the traffic was clear in both directions (so I thought). As I pulled out onto a main road, I got plowed by a driver, smashing into the front left fender of the Bonneville. There we were, in the middle of the pouring rain with traffic all around us.

To say I was terrified is an understatement. I did however, have the where with all to exchange information with the other driver. The Bonneville still ran, and after all of the information had been exchanged, I drove home with the fender scraping against the front tire in tears. I pulled the car into the driveway and I looked at the damage before entering the house. It was quite significant and I knew I’d have to tell my dad. I was terrified and I knew I was in deep water.

My heart was pounding as I waited for my father to arrive home from work. I recall that as soon as he walked in the door drenched from the down pour, I ran up to him in tears and threw my arms around him explaining what I had done. I was so ashamed of myself and was very regretful. His fist words were “Are you okay and was anybody hurt”? I told him I was fine and the other driver hadn’t been hurt either.

My father took off his coat and told me he would talk with me in a little while. He went out and took a look at his car, and when he came back he asked me to join him in the family room. He started out by telling me he was disappointed that I had not listened to him. He then went on to say that we would get things worked out together. As the days passed by and he dealt with the insurance companies and the woman I had hit, he kept me up to date on what was transpiring (she was claiming she had been hurt in the crash).

My dad never raised his voice, didn’t shame me one time throughout the whole experience, stood by my side while at the same time held me accountable. I lost the privilege to drive for a while but never lost the connection with my dad due to his relentless kindness throughout the whole ordeal.

We can have countless reasons, justifications and excuses to overlook the opportunity to display an act of kindness. In the end, it is really only ourselves that we hurt. What I mean by this is that we live in our own skin 24 hours a day, seven days a week, our whole life. The more we get “right” with ourselves, the more we can enjoy the journey. By living from a paradigm of love and compassion, whether it be in our work environment, at home, or the world at large the more experience wonderful, unexpected pleasures.

To feel good most of the time, to feel a sense of meaning and purpose, is a direct result of letting go of excuses to forgo kindness when the opportunities present themselves.
There is one form of kindness noteworthy of highlighting that stands above all other expressions of kind actions. Imagine being the catalyst that creates a moment in somebody’s life where they are pleasantly surprised, or the person that helps another individual or group of individuals to experience joy and gratitude. Now imagine that they don’t know the source of where the act of kindness came from. This anonymous act of kindness is second to none.

Whether it’s raking up the leaves in an elderly neighbor’s yard, paying anonymously for somebody’s tank of gas, or just taking your neighbors garbage can up to their home after a garbage pickup, these acts of kindness will leave others feeling appreciative while you feel the quiet gratitude and joy.
The secret: When we are kind to others we are really being kind to ourselves and the quality of our own life continues to improve. In addition, people will appear from all walks of life to share acts of kindness towards us.

This is the essence of “The Law of Attraction” in action. Like any principle, expressions of kindness can be used for ulterior motives or be done from a position of selflessness. We do, however, need to practice these acts of kindness without any expectation of reward.

As we look ahead to tomorrow and find ourselves enjoying the Thanksgiving holiday, see what you can do to share your authentic kindness throughout the day. May your holiday be filled with gratitude and joy. And remember, a kind word said or a kind action taken will ultimately be a gift to yourself

When you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours!