When trying to grow it´s easy to stumble more than once and scratch your knees on your way to success, happiness, expansion of consciousness and all that good stuff.
There is certainly some pits to watch out for and here´s nine mistakes – in no particular order – that I´d say are very common.
I have certainly made a lot of them. More than once. 
If you can, try be observant of your own behaviour and to learn from my mistakes. While we perhaps learn best from our own mistakes there is no reason for you to at least waste a little less time that I and so many others before me have done.
Now, let´s go.
1. Thinking you already know everything – This one is a big problem and can halt growth for a very long time. It´s the mindset that says: “I know how the world works. I don´t need that snake-oil salesman stuff to improve my life. They have nothing new to offer. Only desperate people need those books to get their life together. It´s just common sense.”
This attitude and close-mindedness will make it very difficult for you to grow. When you start reading about personal development from writers such as Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy or Wayne Dyer you quickly realise that their best advice is not that much common sense at all. In fact, it´s often the opposite to the more commonly accepted “truths” that many of us have heard through school, media and other people throughout our lives.
2. Being confused by the marketing hype – The mindset in the first example isn’t totally of the mark. There are snake-oil salesmen in every line of business. And since most successful personal development authors/speakers really knows how to communicate there is bound to be perhaps a more than average amount of the high-pressure sales stuff you can read about in books like Influence
But even though some marketing techniques may seem overly optimistic or kinda aggressive doesn´t mean that the products are without value. Don´t confuse the sales techniques with the products.
I say, start with trusted names or products that have received great reviews. Do a bit of your own research via google and browse the reviews on amazon before you buy. See what other people think. If you´d like, take a look at this list of my favourite personal development products so far.
3. Not taking action – Thinking that reading a book or blog will automatically transform you and your life. But knowledge without action on your part is not that very transforming. And only you can change yourself. Others can only give a bit of advice, support and motivation. But in the end, you have to take the steps in real life.
Have a look at Don´t get stuck in reading for more thoughts on the common affliction of getting stuck in reading a whole lot of personal development books without putting much of the advice into action.
If you have problems taking action, it´s often due to fear. Try the first and the second suggestion in this article on overcoming fear. It helped me to get going.
4. Giving up – At the first or third failure thinking “It´s no meaning. I am who I am and that can´t change. I just have to get used to that thought.” Don´t give up. One or five or 20 failures ain´t that big of a deal in the long run. You have to fail to get good at something and to grow.
5. Worrying about/listening to what others think – You might fear that people will react in badly to your change.
And they might actually do that.
Perhaps they do not want you to change because then they fear drifting apart and losing you forever.
Or they might not want to see you improve as that will make them feel like they are standing still in life. Or give you unhelpful heap of negative thoughts on personal development and that it´s all just common sense, a waste of time and that in real life it doesn´t work like in the books.
If you get stuck here it´s probably because you need validation from others. Take a look at Why you should not compare yourself to others for some thoughts and practical tips for overcoming or at least reducing this very common problem.
6. Dabbling with it – Dabbling with your personal development and personal growth material on and off. Not committing to studying/action and developing it consistently as a part of your life.
Perhaps you feel it´s just too hard. Or just not worth it. And therefore not commit to it.
Is it hard? Yes, sometimes. But I find that growing is overall a lot more positive than negative. And I think that from an outsider´s perspective – as someone who hasn´t immersed his/herself yet - it often looks as if there is a lot more struggle, time and money invested than when you look at from the inside perspective. Hard work isn´t that hard when you feel you are growing and like what you are doing.
Is it worth it? Well, it’s certainly better than the alternative. Just running or drooning around day after day filled with anxiety, stress and a low sense of self expressed in all kinds of direct or indirect ways ain´t no fun.
Keys to success with anything in life are consistency and patience. Commit to your personal growth.
7. Having unreasonable expectations – This stems from a lack of information. Sometimes both in quality and quantity. When you get you first start you may think that just reading one book will solve all your problems. Not having a reasonable picture of what you can expect will make you feel disappointed and like a failure for no good reason. This can quickly lead to giving up.
To get good results, you need to know things like: you will be enthusiastic in the beginning – as with anything new and exciting - but that enthusiasm will probably dissipate.
That´s normal. And when you are prepared for it, when you get to know your emotional weather more closely, it’s gets easier and easier to control. You know that there will be rain. But it won´t last forever, even if it might feel so.
One motivating method I use to get out of that low emotional state is to develop an on-going habit of consuming development material, whether it is in the form of a books, blogs, audiotapes or dvds. I´m building my own small library and filling it with solid and practical advice on personal growth.
Revisiting to a tape by Brian Tracy not only gets me motivated again but often presents me with ways to solve the problem at hand too. This habit - combined with action - will over time bring clarity to what you want, which methods that work best for you and the possibilities and limitations in your own personal growth.
8. Failing to/not wanting to (at least start to) understand yourself – To change yourself you have to learn about the processes inside yourself. How your emotions work. How you ego works. How you past experiences and habits can affect you. And what you can do about all of that. How you can help yourself. Even when parts of you are working against what you really want.
So I say, don´t stick to one guru and to one line of thought. Read/listen to books from a lot of highly regarded authors to broaden your knowledge and number of possible solutions to your problems.
Try to be more conscious. Be aware of what processes are taking place inside you when you become angry, depressed, jealous or envious. Try not to react in the knee-jerk manner you may often do.
Instead, in the moment, apply what you have learned about handling this issue. If you fail to do so – which everyone does a lot, so beat yourself up about it – take some time later to analyse why you felt/did that negative thing. And what you can do about it when it arises the next time.
If you don´t get a handle on how humans work then it will be hard to help yourself (and others). You´ll be coming up with ineffective solutions, become discouraged and possibly, finally stop trying to grow.
9. Not taking responsibility for yourself – This is absolutely essential. Don´t blame anyone else. It’s up to you to change.
That´s nine and I´m quite sure there are more. But I think I´ll get back to them another time.
Now, what are your suggestions for the most dangerous personal growth killers?
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I would add that it’s important to take note of who you hang out with. I’ve seen too many instances of youth who seem to get caught up with the “wrong crowd.” This continues into adulthood for many people. I would say rid yourself of the deadwood losers in your circle of acquaintances/friends/etc. You know who these people are: they have no plans, aren’t very smart, etc. It is a big thing to write someone off; so, you have to do this carefully obviously. But I have had a few friends who got into drugs or other stupid nonsense. Their lives become big messes and hanging out with them just opens the door into their self-destructive or otherwise negative behavior. But it’s not drug use really that I would rail against; that’s minor. It’s the people who show no intellectual curiosity, no ambition to fulfill their dreams, no effort to live up to their potential, etc. that are really dangerous to hang out with. They’re the living dead. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but don’t suffer fools gladly. It’s a waste of your energy and a big impediment to personal growth.
joe: Thank you very much for your thoughts. I agree, hanging out with a crowd that drags you down or holds you back can be very harmful. But, as you say, it can be difficult to break up the friendship.
Nine outsatnding points ! Thank you for that !!! Action is such an important step in growth.
Hope you have a good Sunday.
Loving Annie: Thanks again. I´ve had a good Sunday and I hope you´ve had one too.
I have such a friend . He is exactly as Joe describes (and the drug thing).
He has been one of my best friends for 11 years. I don’t know if I can let him go ? … And exactly how do I “write him off” ?
Maybe I already know the answer but I shouldn’t think I know everything, right?
Very good points.
I know so many of my clients have started as “dabblers” or readers of everything, but not walking the talk.
Taking them to a depth where seeing their truth as undeniable shifts that…so I would add as a tenth point that stops our personal growth, “being unwilling to go to places inside that feel or seem unsafe.”
Yes thats about sum up the pitfalls for many people whether they want to be more successful in relationships or business or whatever.
“Being confused by the marketing hype” is something most of us are exposed to in today online world.
Just a day ago, I was reading a report from Bob Procter ( as featured in the movie the Secret ) where he delved at length on the Law Of Attraction and the primary universal laws of the universe from which the Law of Attraction was derived.
Bob raised the concept of being in focus by setting goals to get what you want rather than to get what you think you can get.
I think this is a good way to tuned out the marketing hype.
The Bob Procter report can be downloaded at www.visualizationexercise.com/theend.html
Henrik - such great info! Personal growth is so important it’s wonderful that you’re writing about it and the rest of the content on your blog is positively positive!
I love the “know it all” syndrome. When you work with the kind of people I do in life…those that make millions of dollars, you see the “know it syndrome” more often than you can ever imagine.
This mindset unfortunately makes us blind to our own shortcomings. The problem with this in business is that our mistakes become a ripple effect. I’d love to hear your thoughts on my most recent post at Resource Economics, http://evnucci.wordpress.com.
Let me know what you think.
Typo on line nine “the offer is will be”
2. Being confused by the marketing hype – The mindset in the first example isn’t totally of the mark. There are snake-oil salesmen in every line of business. And since most successful personal development authors/speakers really knows how to communicate there is bound to be perhaps a more than average amount of the high-pressure sales stuff you can read about in books like Influence by Robert Cialdini. Stuff like offering a small free gift to the consumer, saying that there are only 500 copies of the product and that the offer is will only be available for one week.
I’m not a perfectionist but I know that when articles are written they should be proof read. This gives more respect to the audience who is reading the articles and a better foundation to the person who wrote it. I’ve also found other articles on this website that have other typos also. Constructive Criticism is better than destructive criticism.
EJamNT: Thanks for criticism, I´ve corrected the typo. And will try harder to keep an eye out for them before publishing in the future.
excellent!
You are no longer dabbling when you do the thing and you start learning things about it that they didn’t/couldn’t write in the book.
My favorite methods of understanding myself are journaling and the Tarot. Write three pages a day, write about your present moment, write about your problems, what you intend to do about it and when you do it, the result. Color code those two areas, then go back and reread past entries. These give you a record of what you have already tried and point out possible mistakes.
I understand that using tarot cards may sound a little woo-wooy but it doesn’t have to be when you are doing readings on yourself. What is a tarot reading? You ask a question and put down a random assortment of cards that you have to assign meaning to based on the meaning of each card, orientation of the card (upright or reversed) and position of the card on the spread (the pattern you put the cards in). Your interpretation couldn’t be anything other than your thinking at that time. Also record your spread and interpretation in your journal.
I also have a 10, 11 and a 12
10. Acting negatively in your approach–reward yourself for what you do right, do not punish yourself for what you do wrong. That never works. Also understand that it is more helpful to write down the changes you want rather than your problems. Think laws of attraction.
11. Resisting what keeps persisting–Watch for the golden moment. If you are going along in your personal growth and you hit a wind wall, where going forward seems to create an extreme amount of internal resistance(fear, tiredness, distraction, etc.) whatever you do, keep going, don’t stop, there is something good there. If you can get through it, a breakthrough in personal growth will result.
(12 might be one of the reasons why you would want to understand yourself.)
12. Not thinking about where this desire to change came from–before you decide to change yourself think about whose values are these that you are trying to follow? Yours, apparently, but you must have gotten them from somewhere. Ask yourself where, how you received it, do you respect the source, and, most importantly, do you even want to adopt these values–are they really you?
Very effective. Thanx.
I run a Relationship in A box Blog http://www.freewebs.com/drlofton/blog.htm/
and I would have to add character also adds to ones ability to not become more self aware. Thanks for mentioning Giving Up as one of the obstacles.
Dr. Lofton
www.lrlofton.org
More than just not being around destructive people, you need to be personally invested in yourself and others. You need to give and receive love, making yourself open to intimacy on the whole. Lots of personal growth happens in the interplay between people trying to get close to each other.
Personal growth experts can get hung up on methods and methodologies without focusing on creating the basis of happiness, Love. Sharing joy with other people in an intimate way is a great basis for personal growth.
Excellent tips and insightful!
www.inspirationforchange.com
I really enjoyed reading 9 Mistakes. You put right when you said too many people think they know all about the world.
Ego gets in the way ‘Big Time’.
Once you put your own bull crap aside and just sit with the idea that you can change the way you are, you’ll be on your way.
You have to love yourself enough, to want the Best for yourself.
Thank-You Henrik for putting it so eloquently!
Stardust
Terrible written. But I agree on some points. Even though you english seem to be all twisten you still know what you are talking about.
i looked for an article that would help me to solve the problems those are i currently suffering by my own mistake.
thus i searched and got this article .
it is extremely helpful..
thankx a lot..
hanna
Mistake No. 10 - Sick typo investigations!
They are killing at least points 1, 3, 4, especially 5 maybe more. Write just write, the best you can, the content is important, typo is for people who have nothing to say. I’m from eastern europe, if you lose in a discussion you search for typo, and try to prove that you are wise and have right.
I am personally working on the third mistake, in my opinion it’s hardest to fight. All other mistakes are rather mental, and I work on them with quite good results. But “take action” is so painful. I take action in one area, then the fear freezes me in another, and so on, I think there is only one way: fight and never surrender, I know I can win this war even that I lost the battle today.
Thank you Henrik for pointing it out, and giving links.
what about succumbing to negative behaviours to boost self esteem (e.g. drugs)?
# 3: not taking action
You REALLY hit the nail on the head with this point.
The way I see it, the difference between self-help and personal developement is that with the later, you take action steps to implementing and sharing what was learned.
In the former, you simply soak up alot of information that isn’t pracitcal, mainly because you aren’t using it.
Typically called information overload.
It isn’t information overload if you seek out only the best material that will help solve your problems and get you to where you need to go with a higher understanding of the problem.
I’m at a point now where I instinctively know what information for the most part is worth my time or not…but I still and will always seek out more quality useful information from those who are more succesful than I.